Hey gang, we got a happier journal for once! Lol XD

Seriously though, the last 48 hours have been... Well, they've been pretty damn good.

I took an extra day off work to do some thinking, and wound up with a new fursona that I'm pretty sure everybody's seen by now: Korra Flintclaw of the Iron Legion. I'll admit, I've not really played Guild Wars 2 before, but I've always like the design of the charr in general, and I've thought their lore was pretty cool too. So I took a chance, things lined up just right to where I managed to get a raffle sketch of her, and honestly, I love how her design turned out! Plus, after all this time, it just feels good to have a fursona again, to be a cat again.

And speaking of taking an extra day, I feel like that was good for my mental health. After the last journal, I did some thinking on some of the stuff that was said, the topics that were brought up, and I realized that I've been going about things all the wrong way. I've been looking at things as though it were a race, that I needed to get things in order and accomplished before I turn 30 next year, while I'm still "young and beautiful," that I need to accomplish something with my 20s or else I've wasted them, that I need to be at a similar level to my peers or on the way to it. And honestly, looking back, that mindset was wildly unhealthy, especially when applied to something as literally life-changing as transitioning.

I'm not saying that I'm not going to still be questioning myself, or am I ruling everything out. What I'm saying is that, as an overthinker, I was rushing headlong into something I was honestly not ready for on multiple levels, and I'm glad that I took the time to breathe, look at myself and my feelings, and just let myself be. I've realized that I need to slow down more often, not force myself to conform to what I think that I need to accomplish based on some of the admittedly unrealistic expectations I've been setting for myself, whether it be in regards to my career, my relationship status, or yes, even my own mental well-being and how I identify as an individual. My Mom and Sister said that talking to them this weekend was a "God moment" because of how it kept me from going down a path I wasn't really ready for, and while I don't 100% agree on that assessment, I can find some agreement with the sentiment at least.

I let myself breathe for the first time in a long time after holding it in for years.

And honestly, after all that, I've had the best sleep these last two nights that I've had in ages.

Again, this doesn't mean I'm reversing course on the progress I've made with being more open with myself, just that I'm going to be taking things at a more even pace than before, thinking all avenues through before jumping to conclusions without really taking a step back to consider whether or not I can see this being for me. And I'm certainly not going to stop getting art of things that I enjoy- like my new fursona, TFTG stuff, sexy pics, etcetera- or stop looking into myself, or that I'm going to stop being an ally/advocate for the LGBTQ+ community. Just that, as far as my own personal growth goes, I'm going to try and set my own pace, rather than feel like I need to match someone else's.

To be cheesy and quote the newest League of Legends animation (yet another game I don't play), "Even the wind has a path."

But yeah, I just... Figured I'd share that, I suppose. Hopefully you guys don't mind be being real with you like I have recently. I guess, or at least I'd hope, that I'm growing more comfortable with myself as a person and a member of the furry fandom to be able to open up like this. If I can cap off this journal with anything, it's that we need to normalize letting ourselves breathe and giving ourselves time to find ourselves on our own terms, not those of the world or people around us, because what's considered "normal" is utter crap and I think we of all people know that.

Anyhow, that's enough philosophy for one Journal. Hope you guys don't mind the rambling, and that you like my new charr gal! I'm gonna be looking into potentially giving GW2 a shot, so who knows, you might see a certain hammer-swinging lioness about at some point in the game, lol XD. Until next time though, take care of yourselves out there, gang. Stay safe, stay awesome, and keep up the amazing work!