There is just so many things wrong with me...some part of me is naive and believe the good in the world and still hope that society is just and fair. Reality is that most people are there for themselves, and they only help others only if it takes almost no effort to them, or they are trying to benefit themselves either financially, emotionally, or some indirect contribution to those two.

I use to tell myself this, "we do what we should, not what we want." I believe we should do the right thing because it is the right thing, regardless of our own personal feelings or the effort needed. How naive of me to believe that. The outrage that people have when government officials hand out jobs to their friends and family, yet that has always been the way society function in the private sector, and we just accept it as the way it is, oh the hypocrisy.

I just wanna kill the part of me that still feel sympathy, that feels pain, the part that still care. It soothes me to see others suffer as it makes my suffering seem more normal, or even insignificant, yet some part of me wish everyone the best and try to help them, and eventually life turns bright for them. Then I am once again suffering alone, it is always better to suffer in numbers than alone...