Hey everybody, how's it going?

As Pride Month 2019 winds down these next few days and summer kicks into high gear, I felt like taking a look back at my first real Pride experience for a moment, considering all that's gone on this month. I didn't get to go to our Pride Weekend here in OK, thanks to work, but I've managed to celebrate in my own little ways here and there. I'm sure by now, many of you have seen the picture I got from my good friend  amara_burrger , which I absolutely adore to no end and have thanked her for to the point where I'm sure I've exhausted her, lol XD. Aside from that, I had a "me" day/moment of quiet rebellion after visiting my folks a couple weeks back, having had a nice dinner with them, but then taking a nice, long, soothing hot bath and shaving my legs smooth, followed by painting my toenails for the first time. I'm not sure I did it right per say, but for the first time, I felt I did a pretty good job, and for the next week or so, I walked around with a secret source of happiness that made me smile even when things got stressful.

Since I began to question my gender identity, come to grips with the fact that I'm a trans woman, there have been some ups and downs. There've been moments where I've smiled in hope for what the future may bring, felt like bawling my eyes out at the cruelty of my own genetics and the hatred of humanity's ignorant that have kept me afraid and in the dark for so long but unable to find the tears, and other feelings and emotions that have come with self-examination and a degree of self-acceptance. There's still much I need to do, more paths to take and options to explore. I want to talk to a therapist to make sure that HRT is right for me before taking the plunge, even though many a friend has given me a coy smile and said that they're fairly certain it is with some of the signs I've shown since starting to open up about this. I want to be in a better place financially to where I can not only afford to transition, but also not have to rely on my folks for aid, as I'm sadly certain that once I do open up to them about this, I will no longer be considered their child and be cut off from the people who raised me and supposedly love me. It's sad to think about, but sometimes, this is a reality that must be faced if one is to move forward and be happy.

But that moment is a ways off, thankfully. Right now, I know that I have to focus on continuing down this path in subtle ways that will still show progression.

I have come this far, after all. What happens next, well, it's all part of the adventure.

Heh, so, to round out this rambling journal, I want to thank everyone for sticking with me so far, even with my lack of updates and postings. I can't believe I haven't written a journal in so long XD. Hopefully I can be better about this in the future, but no promises, lol :P.

Until next time, I hope you all had a Happy Pride Month. Please, take care of each other out there.

Remember to love each other.

And keep being the amazing, wonderful people you all are.

- Lena Marie.