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The Good, the Bad
6 years ago
Andy got a new job, it was all very sudden. He applied, didn't hear back for two months and bam! Interview, 2 days later he has the job.He went from nights to days.
It feels like everything's been turned on a dime and I am struggling deeply to adjust. Feels like I took several steps back in terms of progress. Suddenly getting to my appointments is a struggle. It's led to a lot of internal conflict because the fixes seem obvious but taking those steps feel almost paralyzing. Have to handle it in small steps but feeling like I should deal with it faster.
Another frustration was forward with the psych about a concern, got a bunch of half answers and pussyfooting. Ended up so flustered I forgot to talk about switching. Therapist and I had discussed a segue for this kind of case and I just spaced it completely.
I did get my first set of professional grade gouache paint, dang does quality make all the difference with gouache! Okay, it makes a difference with any medium, but I found cheap gouache doesn't give as nice tactile feedback. It feels like I might as well just be using watercolor, which is why I barely bothered with it for so long. The texture and lay down so far is so much nicer! I've yet to do anything proper with it yet, but there's a little motivation there.
If I could just find the energy. Apparently that energy and motivation are among the last things to return when it comes to this muck. Mixed feelings on that, it's good it should return and I can properly indulge in hobbies...at some point. It's not there yet though and I'm constantly in a battle with myself between the want to indulge in hobbies but not finding worth in it.
"It's just gonna be another thing in the half-done pile, never to be completed"
I have dedicated an old, cheap sketchbook to thumbnailing. While it's not consistent I am getting the ideas down and playing with compositions and color a little bit.
Not often nor consistently, but I'm trying. I think right now finding some consistency would be my best bet. Don't have to do it often, just gotta do it consistently.
I am slowly learning and accepting consistency is a big player in all this for me. It's, so far, proving more important than frequency. Still struggling with it though, feeling like frequency is more important.
Conflate it with reliability, I think.
If you've made it this far, thank you. I do appreciate having this extra space to get things out. It helps me clear my head a little. Perhaps I'll go back to a consistent journalling on here...and in real life. Need to find a good rate to pick up the gratitude journal at too, weekly, maybe?
Daily just led to a lot of routine? Habits? The sincerity disappeared and with it the point of the exercise.
It feels like everything's been turned on a dime and I am struggling deeply to adjust. Feels like I took several steps back in terms of progress. Suddenly getting to my appointments is a struggle. It's led to a lot of internal conflict because the fixes seem obvious but taking those steps feel almost paralyzing. Have to handle it in small steps but feeling like I should deal with it faster.
Another frustration was forward with the psych about a concern, got a bunch of half answers and pussyfooting. Ended up so flustered I forgot to talk about switching. Therapist and I had discussed a segue for this kind of case and I just spaced it completely.
I did get my first set of professional grade gouache paint, dang does quality make all the difference with gouache! Okay, it makes a difference with any medium, but I found cheap gouache doesn't give as nice tactile feedback. It feels like I might as well just be using watercolor, which is why I barely bothered with it for so long. The texture and lay down so far is so much nicer! I've yet to do anything proper with it yet, but there's a little motivation there.
If I could just find the energy. Apparently that energy and motivation are among the last things to return when it comes to this muck. Mixed feelings on that, it's good it should return and I can properly indulge in hobbies...at some point. It's not there yet though and I'm constantly in a battle with myself between the want to indulge in hobbies but not finding worth in it.
"It's just gonna be another thing in the half-done pile, never to be completed"
I have dedicated an old, cheap sketchbook to thumbnailing. While it's not consistent I am getting the ideas down and playing with compositions and color a little bit.
Not often nor consistently, but I'm trying. I think right now finding some consistency would be my best bet. Don't have to do it often, just gotta do it consistently.
I am slowly learning and accepting consistency is a big player in all this for me. It's, so far, proving more important than frequency. Still struggling with it though, feeling like frequency is more important.
Conflate it with reliability, I think.
If you've made it this far, thank you. I do appreciate having this extra space to get things out. It helps me clear my head a little. Perhaps I'll go back to a consistent journalling on here...and in real life. Need to find a good rate to pick up the gratitude journal at too, weekly, maybe?
Daily just led to a lot of routine? Habits? The sincerity disappeared and with it the point of the exercise.
