I've had this account for a little less than four years. In those four years a lot has happened both in my life and in the rest of the world. In these last few years I suppose I made a point to keep quiet about things regarding our current political atmosphere and anything political what-so-ever. And I realize the only reason i really kept quiet about it, for the most part, was out of cowardice. I didn't want people to judge me because I am so outspoken about our current administration or because I care about whats going on. I guess I've been afraid that I will find out that people i like and admire would treat me differently. Or maybe I was also afraid that I would see the people that I like and admire differently. But i guess at a certain point, silence becomes betrayal. I fucking hate this goddamn right-wing government, I hate every single motherfucking right-winger in this country and I'm disgusted with this new culture we have where a vocal and sizable portion of this country either applauds what is going on or just doesn't give a fuck. And it's not like i hate conservatives, I just fucking hate people who have such convenient morals. Its not even about political differences anymore, its about right and wrong. And there are thousands of things that i can point to, but the dismissal of Lt Colonel Vindman that set me off. Now we're a country that punishes honest and honorable men and women, now we're a country that attack's the vulnerable, now we are a country that cares more about money and power than truth and justice. And you know what has had me screaming internally for the last 4 years? How we treat immigrants now, immigrants who look like my family. Did you know that a lot of the immigrants coming to the US these days are seeking asylum in the US because they are from countries like Honduras and El Salvador, two of the world's most violent countries? The ones we deported back to those countries usually end up dead. Or maybe you were aware that a lot of illegal immigrants that come here are here so they can work and send money back to their families so they can afford to eat and get an education? Immigrant Children have died in US custody and thousands are separated from their parents and being treated like animals. They even treat adults who aren't even convicted of any crime like they are inmates at Guantanamo. How about that ICE is using every means possible to hunt down illegal immigrants. You know Obama in his 8 years deported a lot more illegal immigrants/undocumented migrants than Trump has, but he only sent back people with criminal records and domestic violence charges. Law abiding people, families were left alone. Now they're being hunted down like the Gestapo used to do in the 40's. I've seen plenty of WWII documentaries, I've read a lot of books, I've seen this before and its playing out the exact same way. I can point out a thousand different things but does any of it matter? Not even the fucking Liberal media gives a shit to talk about any of this. Like the human rights abuses alone should have de-legitimized the motherfucker but no one gives a fuck. Everyone ignores it, no one wants to deal with it. When the FUCK did we stop giving a fuck about human rights in this country? Did we ever give a fuck about the vulnerable? Like I could scream this at the top of my lungs but I honestly think no one else really cares. Do i even really care? I could be out there doing something about this but instead I'm just high as fuck typing this shit out on the keyboard because im too afraid to step on anyone toes! Because its safe to keep my head down, because I dont want to close doors because the guy interviewing me voted republican. You know what? It's not the cruelty of hateful, greedy people that is distroying this country; It's the cowardice of good men and women everywhere!
It's like, at this point, i dont even have the patience to "debate" with people over it. Like if you cant see what is really going on by now, I wont waste my time.
And you know what, Honestly, this shit that has happened, of EEEEEEEEEVERYTHING that has happened, has not affected me in my real life. But its still cost me SO MUCH.
Wana know what it cost me? It cost me my faith in my country, My faith in my fellow Americans and my faith in my friends or other people in general. and i even lack faith in myself so i am just here living life without faith or hope because its all so fragile and it can come down any moment. I cant let this shit go. I cant ignore this. I cant lie to myself. Shit's fucked! And I'm mad as hell! This shit has cost me the ability to trust my fellow man. How do you fucking handle it when you find out the people you're closest to not only Dont see what's going on but actually SUPPORT all this bullshit? How the FUCK are you not terrified that the next person you catch feels for ends up thinking our POS president is doing a good job? How are you not livid when one of your own family members are trying to defend this right-winger bullshit?! I cant let it go! Its about human rights and justices. Its about right and wrong. I was the guy defending Republicans and conservatives! I was the guy looking for common ground and mutual values. At first i was the patient one trying to reason with the most well meaning of Trump supporters but Now i cant stand any of them because at the end of the day I CANT TRUST THEM.
That's what it comes down to. That's what i mean when i say what it cost me. Trust. If you cant trust people, what's the point? Who do you really have in that scenario? How can you trust someone who's willing to apathetically sacrifice someone's rights and freedoms? You dont have to hate muslims or hispanics to contribute to this cruelty, you just have to not care about it while supporting the people who do.
I dont even know what else to say. I'm mad as hell, and when I'm not mad i'm jaded hopeless as i walk to class or through the supermarket or sit here playing city-builders.
And i guess I kept it in so long because i care too much about what people think of me. Am I really so weak i am worried if people like me or not? Maybe i should have more faith in myself.
What is this journal anyway? A rant? An argument? I guess I'm just communicating to the world, unfiltered, how i feel. Sometimes when communicating, you have to say how you feel, not for an intended result but as a way to be honest or have an honest dialogue, so you can represent how you really feel. Maybe I just wana let the world know, and face what happens next. Fine. I don't care. None of it matters anyway.
I'm not looking for a conversation about this with anyone. Im turning comments off because I think if someone tries to "correct me" on what the White House and Trump is doing, I might say some horrible things to someone. Goodnight
-Raymond