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💚 My soberity ~ beating addiction 💚
5 years ago
I haven't been ONLINE on fa for Some Time now. Mainly due to the matter I'm hear to speak about. I'm struggling to keep up with art n all before now n since it's taking a lot to manage n work on my life. So this site and my artwork have been on the back burner for a while now.
But lets jump into it shall we?
Warning to senstive topics ovb, addiction, depression, suicide and heavy narcotics.
I'm an addict, yes a drug addict. I'm currently in treatment and have as I post this OFFICALLY beaten my addiction. I'm NO LONGER dependant on narcotics physically as I learned this week.. I wont get sick wothout them anymore. Which is honestly...the biggest relief of my last few months...it took ALOT to get here. I offically as of the time inpost this jornal 57 days sober. I get my 60 day Na Chip WITHIN the week at my next meeting!
I know there will be judgements, the reason I make this public? Is to ensure I have a sapport system, n folks know whats going on. Plus..simply so I can stay off my drug of choice. Atm, my goal is only soberity from my addiciton n drug of choice and avoiding gaining addictions in the future. The reason its this way. I smoke alot of pot n cigs n drink,but I've NEVER had issues with such things. Only my drug of choice, I simply need to stay away from stuff that harms me. Do whats GOOD for my health. I've been doing it clearly. But what I ask from you guys? Dont judge me. Sapport me instead. Judgements will only harm me, but sapport that futhers me into my soberity n staying helathy. I know there will be judgments but I'm hoping for the best here. I got the best with my fb friends list, I hope I can gain the same from y'all.
Now I KNOW you all likely have tons of questions, and I'll answer the ones I've most commonly recieved over the weeks. Any others you can ask in private pms, or comments. If you wan't more depth then I share here in open to giving it in limited amounts depending person to person.
what happened? how did you becone an addict/fall to addiction?
For starters.. it's not a one part story it's many. I've battled this addiction for many a years. It starts with my mental health, as many know I've been sick for a long time facing clinical depression, and anxiety and ptsd from abuse stemming from my childhood then teenage trauma.
I haven't been sober for almost 12 years. It started with medically prescribed pills, I wasn't an addict presay. But I was put on meds to cope with depression then physical pain for many years up till 2018-2019 when I stopped out of personal choice seeing it did no good. So in truth? I've always been under the control of some pill, or mind alertering drugs that play with my brain chemistry..which was no good for me... I started using some drugs recreationally at the age of 12, nothing EXTREMELY bad or concerning. The general normal vanilla stuff tbh.
Then I was 14, entered an EXTREMELY absuive reletionship with my ex of many years in 2014, if you know who im talking about keep there man out of it or keep it to yo self I dont need extra issues. About 8 months into our reletionship just after our engagement...when I was 15 him 23....things took a turn for the worst...I noticed the abuse...he wasent able to control me...so he forced my now current drug of choice on me against my will for many weeks till I was well...addicted.. as means to controll me...this...this WAS NOT MY CHOICE....I tried to stop him...but it was that or homelessness due to him...which ended up happening anywho on n off due to him in years to come...till it ended..
It wasent for 4 years that I Got out of thst reletionship, n moved home...I had to sober up when I moved home...and pulled myself out of addiction on my own. In private..masked away from preying eyes...and under a fake alias to medical professionals. Over this time I struggled with many things...much like during that faze of my addiction. I struggled as I hid my issue...I was alone. Never sought proper help. So after TWO YEARS..I slipped back up at the end of 2018 in the summer...
I'd used once or twice with someone in my personal life whom I won't name as they are also in recovery and getting better, due to what pushed US to seek help. And during the last month of the sumemr in 2018...or a week or so before the new school year started...I was depressed, went to my dealers house...and im about 95% sure I intentionally overdosed as an attempt to end my life...it worked...I was dead..the dealer BARELY was able to bring me back..I've had many overdoses In my life...not like this..I KNOW I WAS DEAD. As I've flatlined and gone brain dead before in serious accidents before this.
But what came agter....is what TRUELY set my fate in...I dident die..so what I DID next...was my most regretable action to date...I masked my pain...and I started using again...and went back to full blown addiction...right up Till 01/16/2020 this is what relapse is...its Not Pretty...n let me tell ye I regret it alot...all that made me sober up...well let's just say thats a private matter in which I almost have lost the most important person in my life. Which forced me to take notice to ALL thats gone bad due to my issues...
Now that you know my story lets answer those other questions.
What drugs did you use and how?
Ok..man. I've used so many drugs a list would be too hard to type out...n since I've used rare drugs on top of it. Half you wouldn't know. But my drug of choice id like to keep private. It was a drug that sedated me, and I will mention I PERSONALLY genrally snorted/injected or boofed n occassionaly smoked it. But isn't a topic I wanna get into online. Or at all...I'm past this part of my life u.u
What are your plans going forward? How did you get sober this time? What are you doing about it? N so on n so forth.
Like I said...I had a come to reality moment were I just had no choice. But get sober...or lose all I care for.
I went into withdrawls at 6pm on 01/16/2020 with only one dose left...which I ended up destroying a few weeks ago... aka disposing of safely. But it took 5 days of being so fucking sick I couldn't stand it anymore. With a new job starting that friday...Monday I seeked medical help. And I got it.. already being educated on my drug of choice n addiction I was able to get n know what to do.
The next two weeks all my sapports got properly arranged n fixed up. N the next month things got runing smoothly into my life to sapport my soberity n staying sober.
I'm in Na, in an outpaint programing, working with ramm, and personal counseling n so on. Medical professionals and my family dr, are all working togther to better my LIFE and keep me on the path of soberity from addiction. N provent me from falling back to my addiction.
My PLAN going forward is to be on my medication to help moderate the cravings, n help me level out as best as possible for likely a year or so. I learned reccently by not having meds due to a mix up by doctors that I don't need them as much as I thought tbh. But just incase I'll stay on em for the recomended rate. But I will keep up with my treatment plan, as well as na for the year. My treatment plan will diminish after a year goes by till I'm fully self reliant. But I WILL stay in na, or atleast keep up with my homegroup for well...the forseeable future. It's been good for me. N I wanna stay n earn all thr chips I can!!
Now I think thats all the questions I can think of rn, sorry. This got a LITTLE longer then I expected n its a bit tiring... plus I really did avoid preying to much itno my personal details.
If y'all wanna ask more feel free to below...I TRUELY hope I dont lose watchers or friends...but I need to be honest in all parts of my life to get the sapports I need to move forward in life.
But lets jump into it shall we?
Warning to senstive topics ovb, addiction, depression, suicide and heavy narcotics.
I'm an addict, yes a drug addict. I'm currently in treatment and have as I post this OFFICALLY beaten my addiction. I'm NO LONGER dependant on narcotics physically as I learned this week.. I wont get sick wothout them anymore. Which is honestly...the biggest relief of my last few months...it took ALOT to get here. I offically as of the time inpost this jornal 57 days sober. I get my 60 day Na Chip WITHIN the week at my next meeting!
I know there will be judgements, the reason I make this public? Is to ensure I have a sapport system, n folks know whats going on. Plus..simply so I can stay off my drug of choice. Atm, my goal is only soberity from my addiciton n drug of choice and avoiding gaining addictions in the future. The reason its this way. I smoke alot of pot n cigs n drink,but I've NEVER had issues with such things. Only my drug of choice, I simply need to stay away from stuff that harms me. Do whats GOOD for my health. I've been doing it clearly. But what I ask from you guys? Dont judge me. Sapport me instead. Judgements will only harm me, but sapport that futhers me into my soberity n staying helathy. I know there will be judgments but I'm hoping for the best here. I got the best with my fb friends list, I hope I can gain the same from y'all.
Now I KNOW you all likely have tons of questions, and I'll answer the ones I've most commonly recieved over the weeks. Any others you can ask in private pms, or comments. If you wan't more depth then I share here in open to giving it in limited amounts depending person to person.
what happened? how did you becone an addict/fall to addiction?
For starters.. it's not a one part story it's many. I've battled this addiction for many a years. It starts with my mental health, as many know I've been sick for a long time facing clinical depression, and anxiety and ptsd from abuse stemming from my childhood then teenage trauma.
I haven't been sober for almost 12 years. It started with medically prescribed pills, I wasn't an addict presay. But I was put on meds to cope with depression then physical pain for many years up till 2018-2019 when I stopped out of personal choice seeing it did no good. So in truth? I've always been under the control of some pill, or mind alertering drugs that play with my brain chemistry..which was no good for me... I started using some drugs recreationally at the age of 12, nothing EXTREMELY bad or concerning. The general normal vanilla stuff tbh.
Then I was 14, entered an EXTREMELY absuive reletionship with my ex of many years in 2014, if you know who im talking about keep there man out of it or keep it to yo self I dont need extra issues. About 8 months into our reletionship just after our engagement...when I was 15 him 23....things took a turn for the worst...I noticed the abuse...he wasent able to control me...so he forced my now current drug of choice on me against my will for many weeks till I was well...addicted.. as means to controll me...this...this WAS NOT MY CHOICE....I tried to stop him...but it was that or homelessness due to him...which ended up happening anywho on n off due to him in years to come...till it ended..
It wasent for 4 years that I Got out of thst reletionship, n moved home...I had to sober up when I moved home...and pulled myself out of addiction on my own. In private..masked away from preying eyes...and under a fake alias to medical professionals. Over this time I struggled with many things...much like during that faze of my addiction. I struggled as I hid my issue...I was alone. Never sought proper help. So after TWO YEARS..I slipped back up at the end of 2018 in the summer...
I'd used once or twice with someone in my personal life whom I won't name as they are also in recovery and getting better, due to what pushed US to seek help. And during the last month of the sumemr in 2018...or a week or so before the new school year started...I was depressed, went to my dealers house...and im about 95% sure I intentionally overdosed as an attempt to end my life...it worked...I was dead..the dealer BARELY was able to bring me back..I've had many overdoses In my life...not like this..I KNOW I WAS DEAD. As I've flatlined and gone brain dead before in serious accidents before this.
But what came agter....is what TRUELY set my fate in...I dident die..so what I DID next...was my most regretable action to date...I masked my pain...and I started using again...and went back to full blown addiction...right up Till 01/16/2020 this is what relapse is...its Not Pretty...n let me tell ye I regret it alot...all that made me sober up...well let's just say thats a private matter in which I almost have lost the most important person in my life. Which forced me to take notice to ALL thats gone bad due to my issues...
Now that you know my story lets answer those other questions.
What drugs did you use and how?
Ok..man. I've used so many drugs a list would be too hard to type out...n since I've used rare drugs on top of it. Half you wouldn't know. But my drug of choice id like to keep private. It was a drug that sedated me, and I will mention I PERSONALLY genrally snorted/injected or boofed n occassionaly smoked it. But isn't a topic I wanna get into online. Or at all...I'm past this part of my life u.u
What are your plans going forward? How did you get sober this time? What are you doing about it? N so on n so forth.
Like I said...I had a come to reality moment were I just had no choice. But get sober...or lose all I care for.
I went into withdrawls at 6pm on 01/16/2020 with only one dose left...which I ended up destroying a few weeks ago... aka disposing of safely. But it took 5 days of being so fucking sick I couldn't stand it anymore. With a new job starting that friday...Monday I seeked medical help. And I got it.. already being educated on my drug of choice n addiction I was able to get n know what to do.
The next two weeks all my sapports got properly arranged n fixed up. N the next month things got runing smoothly into my life to sapport my soberity n staying sober.
I'm in Na, in an outpaint programing, working with ramm, and personal counseling n so on. Medical professionals and my family dr, are all working togther to better my LIFE and keep me on the path of soberity from addiction. N provent me from falling back to my addiction.
My PLAN going forward is to be on my medication to help moderate the cravings, n help me level out as best as possible for likely a year or so. I learned reccently by not having meds due to a mix up by doctors that I don't need them as much as I thought tbh. But just incase I'll stay on em for the recomended rate. But I will keep up with my treatment plan, as well as na for the year. My treatment plan will diminish after a year goes by till I'm fully self reliant. But I WILL stay in na, or atleast keep up with my homegroup for well...the forseeable future. It's been good for me. N I wanna stay n earn all thr chips I can!!
Now I think thats all the questions I can think of rn, sorry. This got a LITTLE longer then I expected n its a bit tiring... plus I really did avoid preying to much itno my personal details.
If y'all wanna ask more feel free to below...I TRUELY hope I dont lose watchers or friends...but I need to be honest in all parts of my life to get the sapports I need to move forward in life.
