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Trans?
5 years ago
Journal of High Strangeness.
Okay fellas. I know Ive asked a few of you in the past, but I am still not clear on how I should feel. As most of you know I was born male. Over the past couple of years I have been questioning my sexual identity a bit. Ive felt kind of strange about it because I don't desire to be one sex or the other, but a mixture of both. I over all have no desire to change my body, aside loosing weight and having some of my hair back...And Not having a penis. I am fine with my male shape. As I go on through life, I am becoming more and more distant with my more masculine self and that bit of male genitalia that comes with it. It has done nothing for me but make me feel...Shame?... No I am not sure that the right word....inadequate, and perhaps more than a little useless as a male. I have sex with someone and then feel shame when I can't preform, or make my partner feel good. I am not small, but I am not very large at the same time. Granted I have some other health issues that do not help that issue. I am over weight by like, a lot and I know that is a contributing factor, but that has not always been the case and I have always seamed to have these issues, healthy or unhealthy.
I do not desire hormone therapy, nor do I desire breasts and a feminine voice. I suppose I am just seeking validity in my own eyes.
Is this something I can even acquire?
Are my feeling insulting to other Trans people?
If my feelings are valid, what should my next step be?
If I find that his is truly what "I' want should I seek it out?
Is what I want also considered Trans? Or just gender fluid?
These are only some of the questions I have that I have not been able to answer.
Any help would be most welcome.
I do not desire hormone therapy, nor do I desire breasts and a feminine voice. I suppose I am just seeking validity in my own eyes.
Is this something I can even acquire?
Are my feeling insulting to other Trans people?
If my feelings are valid, what should my next step be?
If I find that his is truly what "I' want should I seek it out?
Is what I want also considered Trans? Or just gender fluid?
These are only some of the questions I have that I have not been able to answer.
Any help would be most welcome.
It is also up to you if you decide to call yourself non-binary.
You also don't have to want any specific kind of transition to be trans, it's a situation of gender discomfort. People who aren't probably trans don't usually doubt their gender for any extended period of time though. Some people might be insulted, but most trans people won't be insulted that you have a distinct internal image of what you should be, so long as you don't apply it to what they should be.
I personally think you should seek out what you want. I personally would say yes, it's okay to consider yourself trans. You might be gender fluid, but that generally means your gender identity changes based on circumstance, some non-binary people feel they are gender fluid as they explore but as they find what they want things stop shifting. Some people are always gender fluid.
Some non-binary people feel they are trans and/or gender fluid others do not claim those identities. At the end of the day do what feels right to you inside. Your exploration of gender will be personal and unique even if you aren't trans, non-binary, or gender fluid. Labels are not boxes which people fit neatly into, they are points on a map to help us navigate ideas and concepts.
What I will say is that scientific studies don't show healthy results if you repress who you are. I hope you have a safe and liberating exploration and I'm happy to chat in PMs.
Take it at your own pace, don't let folks tell you who you are. Your other body images won't help, but sometimes it's hard to overcome one thing when another hard thing is in the way. A lot of the other folks I know handling these sort of issues have to take a 'knock down the highest mountain' approach. Treat yourself for what is hurting most at the time and you'll have to wobble around between things here and there for a while, but it will get better.