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A Taste of Humility
16 years ago
General
Hey. Have you heard?
Of course you have. Somebody decided to out themselves as a real weirdo on television, and they're making you look bad. "All furries are this, all furries are that." You've been through the drill. Your mind scrambles to find reasons why you're not like those people, why you're not as weird or unacceptable as they are. But all the time you try, you feel a little twinge in the back of your head. "Am I not normal?"
Unfortunately, the answer is no, you're not normal. But wanting acceptance and love and all those other wonderful intangible things from people you've never met, you try to rationalize it all. Maybe you're only a little weird. Maybe you don't do it all the time, this furry thing. Maybe you're just an artist, taking advantage of a monetary opportunity. Maybe you're just a casual fan of some of the creative works. Maybe you just want to find others who like these same things. If you can separate yourself enough, maybe, just maybe, it'll all be all right and you can face yourself tomorrow. Then you can look in the mirror and say, "I'm not like that. I'm different. I'm better than that."
Stop. It's okay, I promise.
See, here's the thing. You're the weird kid in school. You, me, all of us. We're the odd ones out. The rest of everybody is going to think what you do is strange, whether you've got somebody using it to gain attention or not. There's nothing you can do to make what you like to do any less off-the-wall to the average person.
So. This instinct, this urge, this need to be better than somebody else for trivial reasons... does you no good. So maybe you...
-Don't have sex.
-Don't think you're an animal.
-Don't have X fetish.
-Don't talk to other furries.
-Don't like most furries.
-Have a life outside of it.
-Have social skills.
-Live on your own.
All of these things only skirt the real issue. These are individual concepts that must be fought and won on an individual level. It's not the main problem. The elephant in the room, that plagues the majority of us, is this:
We're insecure.
Believe it or not, that's what binds us together, for the most part. It's the glue that puts us all in one place- we find each other so our hobbies can appear normal by numbers! So what do we do? Many different things, as it turns out.
We might surround ourselves with friends who don't challenge us, and protect our flawed views.
We might proclaim ourselves to need no others' acceptance and put up a guise of toughness.
We might frame the argument to right versus wrong and validate ourselves through the basest of moral grounds.
We might antagonize others in an attempt to elevate ourselves above their more obvious social incompetancies, and use these victories as some sort of proof of superiority.
We might differentiate fetishes or practices other people do on a level that might lend us some validation through a perceived slider of normalcy.
We might even go on the news.
But it's all in the name of insecurity. Insecurity borne of an idea: "what if what I'm doing is considered strange and unright? What should I do?"
Of course the answer will always truly be: Consider it strange and relax. Because in matters of adversity and true difference, ultimately the only judge that really matters, is you. Whether you accept yourself or not, the majority of people never will- not truly. So keep this in mind when you make the decisions that you do. Ask yourself...
"Do I really believe this... or am I just being needlessly insecure?"
The answer may surprise you.
Of course you have. Somebody decided to out themselves as a real weirdo on television, and they're making you look bad. "All furries are this, all furries are that." You've been through the drill. Your mind scrambles to find reasons why you're not like those people, why you're not as weird or unacceptable as they are. But all the time you try, you feel a little twinge in the back of your head. "Am I not normal?"
Unfortunately, the answer is no, you're not normal. But wanting acceptance and love and all those other wonderful intangible things from people you've never met, you try to rationalize it all. Maybe you're only a little weird. Maybe you don't do it all the time, this furry thing. Maybe you're just an artist, taking advantage of a monetary opportunity. Maybe you're just a casual fan of some of the creative works. Maybe you just want to find others who like these same things. If you can separate yourself enough, maybe, just maybe, it'll all be all right and you can face yourself tomorrow. Then you can look in the mirror and say, "I'm not like that. I'm different. I'm better than that."
Stop. It's okay, I promise.
See, here's the thing. You're the weird kid in school. You, me, all of us. We're the odd ones out. The rest of everybody is going to think what you do is strange, whether you've got somebody using it to gain attention or not. There's nothing you can do to make what you like to do any less off-the-wall to the average person.
So. This instinct, this urge, this need to be better than somebody else for trivial reasons... does you no good. So maybe you...
-Don't have sex.
-Don't think you're an animal.
-Don't have X fetish.
-Don't talk to other furries.
-Don't like most furries.
-Have a life outside of it.
-Have social skills.
-Live on your own.
All of these things only skirt the real issue. These are individual concepts that must be fought and won on an individual level. It's not the main problem. The elephant in the room, that plagues the majority of us, is this:
We're insecure.
Believe it or not, that's what binds us together, for the most part. It's the glue that puts us all in one place- we find each other so our hobbies can appear normal by numbers! So what do we do? Many different things, as it turns out.
We might surround ourselves with friends who don't challenge us, and protect our flawed views.
We might proclaim ourselves to need no others' acceptance and put up a guise of toughness.
We might frame the argument to right versus wrong and validate ourselves through the basest of moral grounds.
We might antagonize others in an attempt to elevate ourselves above their more obvious social incompetancies, and use these victories as some sort of proof of superiority.
We might differentiate fetishes or practices other people do on a level that might lend us some validation through a perceived slider of normalcy.
We might even go on the news.
But it's all in the name of insecurity. Insecurity borne of an idea: "what if what I'm doing is considered strange and unright? What should I do?"
Of course the answer will always truly be: Consider it strange and relax. Because in matters of adversity and true difference, ultimately the only judge that really matters, is you. Whether you accept yourself or not, the majority of people never will- not truly. So keep this in mind when you make the decisions that you do. Ask yourself...
"Do I really believe this... or am I just being needlessly insecure?"
The answer may surprise you.
So fuck with 'em back. Or leave the situation. Life goes on, man. You don't have to take shit.
I feel that was a very good way to handle the situation. I can't say you're wrong in not wanting to promote hate, however, I find that haters often stop dead in their tracks when someone bites back. I find it effective, though I understand where we disagree.
It's not a crime, I'm just saying, see it for what it is.
I was one of those lackeys. It was only when I started to realize my self-worth (note: self-WORTH, not self-IMPORTANCE) that I noticed the true nature of the one who I thought was of superior make. And even more so, when challenged, they not only denied me my right to think, but also denied me affection and friendship until I saw the error of my ways.
Nowadays, I have friends (mostly furry, yes) who talk to me and who keep me in line. They aren't afraid to tell me I'm an asshole and I'm not afraid to hear it.
Funny thing is, I'm also happier than I've ever been.
I welcome civil arguments, if anyone has any, and I'm sure someone does. My views are far from consistent with some of the fandom.
Fat furry goes on show, furries raeg, Dragoneer Rages, 9001 shoops and an ED article in the making, you get lulz beyond comprehension.
This results in the fact that I'm very funny, but also very embaressing to be around. As such, noone wants to be around me. It alienates me from other people. I've been a freak all my life and will probably continue to be so. No girl wants to bring home a guy who's going to introduce himself with "It's ok, I'm from the internet." Noone wants to have dinner with a guy who mews and looks at you with those big eyes. Noone wants to hire the guy who makes silly faces and will call an obviously unsafe product stupid.
But it's who I am. And I refuse to apologize! (runs naked in the streets of Dothan)
You're just as much a weirdo as the next person for it. ;) But there's no need to worry about it. That's what I say.
It is part of the human condition
Regardless of your likes and dislikes or your fetishes or any other variable.
There is no such thing as average in human context, the average person is as fictional as the Underground Elvis Presley castle built by the King himself, an ideal that shall never be reached unless you are willing to devoid yourself of all personality and uniqueness. We all are weird to someone else and even groups can be weird to each other in a close proximity.
Although your basis of insecurity will basically put people in a paralyzing deadlock because I am sure that someone out there will always think that what you are doing is wrong. Somehow trying to always justify everything to everyone you will end up doing nothing since no matter what you do even a small clique of people will find it wrong.
I do like to think Insecurity is borne out of a lot many variables and situation than just the opinions of others on me and I find this very narrow even for the context of this discussion.
Some people fear to lose a lot for just speaking their mind
Some people have an unreachable idealism and hates themselves for not reaching it
Some people were raised up in a certain way that horridly promotes this insecurity
Maybe someone even feels insecure because there is nothing to feel insecure about (yeah just mull over that one for a bit)
It isn't what people think but what will people do (and not do) that scares them. Sure you may shrug off a negative comment but I doubt you can shrug off a punch to the face; of course I seriously doubt it would lead to physical aggression but the fear keeps people insecure but not because of the minds of the people but rather of the fear of the actions themselves
I wouldn't put fear as an attribute since I do not think that fear is a defining term of character but an emotion caused by certain things.
Whereas people may or may not act depending on the circumstances and their perceptions, not doing something may have more of a basis than fear
"Fuck off, I don't need anybody!"
Because of their fear, they must put up a strong front.
Might also help as to what caused the person to say it.
Since I don't bring it up, the subject generally just doesn't COME up. Usually, by the time a person finds out that I'm a fur, they've known me long enough to already know what I'm like. If they're the kind of person who would toss that out the window and make a snap judgment about me based on what they saw on Tyra Banks (or CSI or MTV or whatever current "fandom-destroying sensational media" of the day), then I don't really want to know that person anyway. Let 'em hate me, I don't care.
Letting people know you for who you are (HINT: You are not the fandom. You are not your furriness. You are more than a label.) first will make the difference between "Holy crap, this guy is friggin' nuts!" and "We all have our quirks, I guess this one isn't so bad."
If somebody complains about the number of furry porn sites, remember: There's a lot more NON-furry porn sites out there. At least FurAffinity isn't sending out spam to try to trick people to click their links. When was the last time you had 47 million emails of "Meet hot, horny foxes in YOUR area tonight!" and such?
Could you elaborate your point cause this doesn't make sense.
Question, why would anyone give a shit on what other people think?
Now what in the world are you referencing?
Not everyone's like that, though. Some people are, actually, 100% just here for the art. They are VERY few, artists who just enjoy the style and zero amount of the adultness or other aspects of the community. Though why they're getting so upset since the only aspect that makes them a furry is easily hideable and I doubt they identify with the community as much as other people (since they're just in it for the art).
Some people have a very legitimate reason to be upset. The people who do innocent fursuiting in public for children or family. People who spent thousands of dollars on their suits to have fun and play around and such are now gonna be looked at (for at least a little while) like sex-perverts... neverminding that I'm sure at least one or two people looked at them like that already beforehand. But they do have a legitimate reason since family might now look at them like a pervert or something, so they can be angry. Of course, these people are few in number as well and nothing justifies calling the girl in question a cow or a retard...
I dunno, the whole issue is a pretty messed-up view of a lot of humanity's qualities. Mob rule, mob mentality, s'just a very ugly side of people seen.
I just am, and I could care less.
Basically, I lol'd. And then I was floored the FA and the FAF died in the aftermath.
I don't make an attempt to hide being a furry from people... but I don't feel the need to shove my characters in stranger's faces. You can call this being insecure about myself... I say it's just knowing where bedroom talk is not kosher.
Social appropriateness isn't insecurity. I'd never try to insist on that. Instead, what I'm saying is that those who have to find things to justify or rail against in these instances are suffering from insecurity.
i dont like being misrepresented. period.
doesn't matter if its being misrepresented as a socialist, LARPer, furry, university student, intellectual, or anything else - if people start making something i adhere to a bad rep, especially on national TV, then i'll be angry.
its bad PR - any politician will tell you that. its not insecurity, i just dont like getting smeared.
still, i dont other people painting something i like to ascosiate myself in a worse than necesary light.
i'm quite aware how much furfaggotry we're capable of letting loose our selves - i sit back and laugh at such online shinanigans, but its different when you go on TV and do the same. it hits a different target group, especially when on a TV talk show that have actually won an award for being 'most informative'. this means that people will take this stuff in as being fact! thats what i dont like.
there are no furry cons where i live, nothing like that - but one day i'd like to come to the US or something for some of the furry cons - and when i get there it'd be nice if public opinion wasn't colored by idiot statements like that
Even if this is nothing but your own opinion, thank you for sharing it. The world needs more food for though.
My ex girlfriend (yes, I had a girlfriend once. Believe me, no one will ever be more shocked to learn that fact then my mother was) is a furry.
She's even on this site, Ringshadow.
(She's a good artist; very creative, but lacks confidence and focus, she also tends to over-multitask. She prefers working with acrylic paint, but has recently gotten pretty good with pen and colored pencil as well. She's primarily a writer, and is starting to really shine in that field. She's also recently been able to fully admit that she has a serious yaoi fetish.)
I'm going to link this journal to her, she has a few issues of her own, and I think this might help her a bit.
Insecurity is and always has been one of the single strongest driving factors in human society--the varied responses you're going to get to this journal, many of them stating how a person SHOULD be deeply concerned about how their "reputation" is crucially important, will serve as evidence to that.
Hell, maybe even I'm guilty of putting on a facade of "toughness" in some ways.
The post here is that the young girls with gigantic penises are insecure, and thus parade their gigantic penises and get scared/hurt/insulted when someone insinuates that being a young girl with a gigantic penis is about the sex. However, if they wear something other than crotchless panties and miniskirts, then they can still be young girls with gigantic penises and yet not get called freaks for it, without having to try to deny having a penis or be ashamed of it. As long as they aren't shoving their gigantic penises in other peoples' faces, the other people are more likely to be accepting of the young girls with gigantic penises, and thus less likely to freak out when they discover the package between their legs.
...That was actually kinda fun to write. ^_^
It doesn't take a small mind, it just takes a lack of self-confidence, to try and remove everything else about themselves and present the overly huge dick as being them, rather than only a part of them, and a part that can mean different things to other people without messing with their own overly huge dick. ^_^
Also, I'd just like to say "Steve Bartman". I think that sums things up pretty well.
What am I?
I love who I am. I wouldn't want to be anyone or anything else. People have always told you that you are a homosapien, a human being. You live on the plant Earth and you are a carbon-based life-form. You breathe Oxygen, you eat, you drink, you sleep at night, you socialize with fellow human beings, YOU LIVE.
And with all these and a hell of a lot more in common, not a single one of us are remotly the same.
And that's just the surface, everyone knows that. Everyone should. Right? Wrong.
Why are WE the dominent species of Earth? Why we have religion? Why do we see out of our own eyes? When you think about your existance, you realize that you are ONE SINGLE HUMAN BEING. How many of us live on this planet? Billions of us. Look up and the sky at night. What do you see? Stars. Billions of them. YOu ask yourself the all-famous question: Are we alone?
I personally do not believe that Earth is THE ONLY planet in existance that supports life. Do you ever wonder if anyone is looking up at their sky on some other planet that is thinking the same thing? I do. But that's my OPINION.
I find that we all find at least one thing we can hate about anyone. But why do we hate each other when the rest of the animal kingdom could do perfectly fine without us around? Animals don't have wars against themselves. Not hatred-war, at least. So why do we? Our minds are the furthest advanced minds on Earth. ONLY on Earth.
We fear difference. We cannot stand it's presence. What do we do? Get rid of it...destroy it. It's human nature. It's what we ALL do. In our own way. But this is all my poinion, what really matters is what you think of YOUR SELF AND YOURSELF ALONE. Then others. If more than one human being lives, there is hatred between them. That's how it is, that's how it's always been, and that's how it's always going to be.
If we are all so insecure why not help each other get through our issues instead of picking at each other like a scab., after all.. in the end, we're only human.
My friends had seen my drawings and had a big laugh, but after some 10 minutes they changed the topic and started going "mmm... not bad, you could change this here and there, see move this in the anatomy, move this here" they just made fun to have fun with me because we are pretty rude with our spoken jokes, but they always supported me and in most cases just ignored my tastes, they just got along with it and never really questioned it.
Perhaps I'm one of the few lucky to have friends like those
whatever it is, people will ALWAYS try to find something to hate, no matter what it is, and you know why? because they are sad and depressed with themselves and try to project that on society, try to use their hate and direct it in the wrong direction.
Furries are perhaps the most normal people I've seen in my whole life, specially because we have a lot greater tolerance and acceptance towards most of those in the community than anybody else. We are not racist, we tend to forget differences and we get along much better than those who consider themselves "normal" after they say they fight for their rights when they have beaten the c**p out of others they hate...
I like the tolerance we have in the fandom and will not care about idiots around me. Besides... media is always trying to gain more watchers...
See, I've learned to react to bullying by turning around and treating the bullies worse than they treated me. I don't flinch, because these people are cowards. Being intolerant of others means that you are fundamentally broken and feel the selfish need to try to force the world to change because it's not how you want it. No one should allow this behavior to remain unchallenged.
So yeah, while I've already seen at least one artist scurry off to delete their cub art, I'll draw even more fucked-up shit. And if anyone tries to give me shit about it, I will punch their teeth down their fucking throat.
Figuratively speaking, of course. :3
I got mobbed in school and tried to survive it with indifference and no-matter-what resistance.
"We might proclaim ourselves to need no others' acceptance and put up a guise of toughness."
People change, everybody does. Sometimes it is no proclaim but really what the person's personality has become.
There are still people who's acceptance means a lot to me, but this list is extremely short, and I would go on even without any of this acceptance.
I sometimes disturb people for fun.
Then I make friends with them.
It's amazing how in some cases, an 'oh my god' first reaction actually works better than a good one.
But then again, they're weird too.
As it is, I just worry about my mom finding out. But that's what Firefox's "Private Browsing" is for.
It wouldn't surprise me to find all furries were insecure, though, or perhaps even all members of nerdy fan groups. I did a little psychology as part of my University studies, so I've heard about the in-group, out-group mentality that seems to be wired into human beings.
That said, I don't see why I shouldn't want to make sure anyone who knows I'm a furry understands that I don't conform to the furry stereotype; sure, what I /am/ into is weird, but I'd rather be hated for what I am into than for what I'm not into, if that makes any sense. :P I mean, at least I can defend those things. It's a bit hard to defend fursuiters if you don't fursuit yourself, beyond the general right of adults to do what they please with other informed, consenting adults for their own amusement.
(Why yes, I do use humour to protect myself from the world due to insecurity.)
But it's wrong to lie to yourself, and insist that there are only two ways to be: ignorant, or miserable. There is a middle ground.
I dunno, I guess maybe it's just that I don't trust conservatives/fundamentalists and I think the majority of those are sad weak-willed people for choosing to live under the fear of an imaginary, egotistical, abusive father figure.