hello there, since i imagine future me is reading this (if i make it that far,) im going to give a run down of what has happened today, so far i woke up at 4 am and was up for a few hours after that being overwhelmed by my depression, i managed to fall asleep for a minute (3 hours) where i then woke up to realize that i havent done pretty much any work for school and im about to fail all of my classes. this sent me into a depression heavy anxiety attack where i was wishing for nothing but a slow painful death, the reason im so behind is because of my procrastonation. ive been meaning to all my work for the past few days but i never get around to it. this has all been my fault and i knew what i was doing when i was procrastonating, right now in fact im procrastonating my work by writing this, and i know i shouldnt but im still doing it anyway, i don't know why. ive been wanting to have a mental breakdown all day to see if i could just get it all out of me but im for some reason not able to, ive been stuck like this for several hours without much change in emotion. never before have i wanted to die so much, (except maybe last november) im just feeling so lost right now and i really just wish it would all be over soon. i really hope our life is better by the time you read this and that i havent fucked it up by now.
there's so much more i would like to say but i don't want to type for hours. i might just keep adding journals to future me telling me about the my day from now on, idk tho.