sigh am i ever going to get the spark back? the motivation the inspiration to write again? im an armature at best and i only have a paw full of story's i wrote in the past year and a couple of poems i did ages ago because i was bored or in love. like The Scientists Miss-hap my idea for that was to have three story's of ppls exp when the beam hits the planet or whatever and have alt versions of those story's.. then this covid19 thing happens and on top of that my mothers financial issues and me being her financial anchor in a way, the situation with me and my mom is complicated..shes made some very big mistakes and its effecting me too, im more depressed than normal some of my anxiety is because i can feel hers.

i want to get back to it and finish thee story i started months ago but my mood not right and the spark is not there. funny thing is a big part of what got me wanting to write at all was reading Out Of Position, a gay furry romance that continues into a total of five books if i remember right. as well as Waterways both writen buy Kyell Gold, wonderful reads btw never thought id like a romance book before reading those, got me laughing as well as crying. i dont hope to ever write anything that good though, idk the few storys i got are once i did for characters im a fan of, and there are still characters id like to write a story for and surprise with

one of the other things that has me down, and i do my best to put it out of my mind, is how lonely i am i want a couple of local friends to hang out with diaper up go to the zoo or muzium with or just sit and play video games and watch movies with. and also while i dont feel ready at all for it id like to find myself in a relationship again,with someone who understands me and can take care of me. mind you i dont mean full on baby me but remind me to brush my teeth((yes i realy do need help remembering to do this)) and also to let me relay explore myself and who i am ive been so suppressed all my life and i want to try some things both sexual and non sexual. and other things...idk lost my train of thought....... um the one thing i do know about the real me is my little side is dominant over my adult side, but also my therapist tells me i have a dominant nature. im not sure what this means for me in the abdl community let along in a relationship as ive never liked the idya of doming over someone. one of the things im afraid of is being put in a position of power over others, because i can get caryed away i think. idk theres honestly a lot i fear of myself...

i seem to have got carried away and turnd this into a bit of a babbling rant of my flowing thoughts when all i intended to talk about was my lack of writeing motivation...oh well