im just stuck im overwhelmed by the things i want to do, and the things i need to do, as well as all the things going on around me and in my family and among my friends... like right now i want to play games but im just not realy in the mood. i also want to write more. i need to eat more and eat better, but this is going to be a difficult thing for me to figure out as my grandmother needs to be on a separate diet do to cholesterol and having only part of her pankrias. and then there still trying to adjust to living with her shhes a social person and im not shes also nosy with pretty much every one around her witch i dont like and is part of what has driving her duaghters away from her. it would be great if i could find a friend that lives near by i could hang out with and even sleepover sometimes... idk i just feel like all i am ins THE HELP, so to speak because untill i moved here i was helping kep my mother grounded to reality and only just barely her dilutions of these ppl she was talking to online was wearing me down and im glad i dont have the burden of my mothers dilutions, i was also making sure she ate something other than just toast or a bowl of cereal all the time because she was too depressed and tired to fix anything better most of the time. im glad that my grandmother at least has a level head and is as carful as can be with her health....sometimes a tad bit over the top and yea rather forgetful but at least she has a level head. still she needs a stent put in her heart witch would have been this past Wednesday but they tested her for covid before hand and it was positive so no surgery.. i got tested a day later and im negative. so now im worried about getting covid as i try to spend time watching tv with her during the daytime . and she cant handle the heat outside do to the blockage in her heart right now so i have to walk her dog for her. but then theirs alll these little stupid things that she dose and wants me to do like on trash day no mater how little is in the bathroom or kitchen trash it gose out...it makes no seance to me and is very irritating because it dosent make any seance....sigh i just dont have the wiggle room or time alone to work on myself and i haven't had that in years and im abrade im never going to have that again... i realy want to know who i am i know im a little and i always will be but i have no big around to help me out with my little side diapers have been a thing for me sence i was Actuly little..one of my best friends gets to have a boyfriend and even friends he can go visit with or visit him once in a while but i dont realy have that i dont get to have a guy around my own age who likes me and i like back the same way. and honestly im terrified of falling in love again. im still very good friends with my ex and i always will be he will always have a place in my heart too and whoever comes into my life next better be ok with that.. im on Howler app looking to see if any furry abdls are around me but there really arent any and anyways im to shy to shoot anyone a message on there.... i just turnd 30 in july . im constantly feeling scared and alone in the world dispight the few friends i do have. and i feel like i have noone to turnd to if things go south again or anymore south than things have alredy got over the years to be more accurate. idk where im even going with this anymore i dident mean to go on a ramble like this.... im sorry