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My Favorite Songs
5 years ago
I thought it would be fun to put together a journal about my favorite songs. There's a lot of music I like, but I want to try to keep this relatively short, but it was hard because I have a lot of songs that I love. I decided that I'd probably describe my favorite songs as those that invoke the feeling of frisson and/or have some significant meaning to me. Maybe people would find it interesting, or discover new songs they can enjoy too. People often say that someones favorite songs tend to give a look into the kind of person they are, so maybe it could help people get to know me better.
Benson Hedges - fun.
This song is powerful, I love the opening and I love to sing this one. It vaguely reminds me of the experience I had during Hurricane Sandy where we we were stranded for a while before then because fallen trees were blocking the road in all directions, but eventually they got cleared, so we traveled to a motel that had power because after several days without it, there was no heat and it got dangerously cold. Combined with the desire I often have to just leave everything and everyone behind under the assumption no one wants me around anyway and I've never fit in anywhere, but sometimes people say things that remind me that they actually enjoy having me around despite my distance and cynicism.
Be Calm - fun.
I'm linking to an AMV for this one because it's my most favorite AMV of all time, using what I consider the most beautiful anime of all time. I actually went to Anime Boston in 2016 and had an amazing time, but I had missed the AMV contest so I watched some of the winning videos afterwards. Some bad stuff also happened though, and hearing the song and its similarities to how I felt then helped me cope with it. I actually discovered fun. through this video in the first place which came to become one of my favorite bands. This is a very relatable song to me, especially given that I see so much of myself in the protagonist of the Kids on the Slope anime. Listening to this has helped me be calm during rough times.
Sleepwalking Past Hope - HIM
This is actually probably my most favorite song of all time, and has been my favorite song for the longest as well. It's a VERY long song, at 10 minutes. I find the chorus incredibly beautiful and soothing. It's also a rather haunting song, but that's also what makes it so beautiful to me. Even though it's my favorite, I don't really have much to say about it besides how much I adore the melody and the piano. Though I do have a funny memory of the first time I heard the song, I was listening to the CD for the first time while driving to school and because of how it changes tone during the midsection, I actually thought it was two different songs at first until it went back into the chorus near the end.
Sweet Pandemonium - HIM
This list would be ridiculously long if I didn't limit myself to two per artist. HIM is my all-time favorite band and probably the only band that I literally like ALL of their songs. I've even gone to one of their concerts (and it was incredible). I decided to choose this one because I really like its inclusion of the theremin. This, as with every HIM song, also has that "haunting and beautiful" vibe to it, which I have a great amount of affection for. I have issues with anxiety, and this is one of those songs that pretty much never fail to calm me.
Sayonara wa Iwanai - Personz
This song is extremely sentimental and nostalgic to me. This song is used in the ending of the Yu Y Hakusho Movie: The Poltergeist Report. It was, I believe, either the first or second DVD I ever owned and was only able to even watch DVDs because I had a PS2. I still remember the buzz the CRT TV made during the credits sequence at around 3:21. This was the first song in Japanese I ever learned, and I remember printing out the lyrics to learn them and sing along to this. I love the instrumentation. At the time when I first heard it I was having an incredibly hard time coping with my best friend who had moved away, who I had visited once but seemed to have no trouble adjusting, already finding a group of friends for themselves that summer, but even years later I was still alone. I also struggled to cope with the death of my father, and the fact that I ended up losing contact with the few others that showed me kindness, and one in particular that I was quite fond of and lamented not having the bravery to get their number on the last day of me being in the program we were in - as when we met, the internet was still in its infancy and it wasn't as easy to keep in contact with people as it is now. It helped me a lot in dealing with those feelings, and this song still means a whole lot to me and is very dear to my heart. It also helps that it's from what is still one of my favorite anime series of all time.
Tompkins Square Park - Mumford & Sons
Mumford & Sons is another one of my favorite bands, but I generally, greatly prefer their older music. However, this song is a HUGE standout to the point of being my favorite songs of theirs. The instrumental on its own is amazing and probably my favorite instrumental for songs that have lyrics. It's just such a gorgeous song. It is reminiscent to me of Doukyuusei, an extremely good BL (boys love) manga with an incredible animated OVA.
Hopeless Wanderer - Mumford & Sons
It's a song I can relate to in a way - particularly, in regards to my presence online. I don't tend to stick around much. There isn't anywhere I call 'home' online and tend to wander from place to place, not getting particularly close to anyone and having a tendency to just disappear. I tend not to form strong attachments to others unless they make a persistent effort because I am afraid of that attachment being taken advantage of as so many others have. It's scary to be vulnerable. But now that I'm in a relationship, I know that I can "love the skies I'm under".
The Despair Factor - A.F.I
A.F.I was my first favorite band. I loved the melancholy tone of their music and they were basically my gateway to various alternative music. The album this song is on, "The Art of Drowning", is probably my most favorite album of all time and I highly recommend listening to the whole thing, in its proper order, if you like this song. Back when I first heard it, I related to this song a lot. And although they're not my #1 anymore, I still love most of their music.
No Resurrection - A.F.I
Much like Mumford & Sons, I'm not as fond of A.F.I's newer music as opposed to their older stuff. However, I really like this one. It's one of many songs that I find very reminiscent of my feelings toward a particularly ugly breakup with a former best friend a few years ago.
The Suffering - Coheed and Cambria
The guitar is so good in this. This is probably one of the more well-known songs on this list. I've loved this song for a long time, but found even more meaning of it when it too I find relatable to that same fallout.
Big Freeze - Muse
Yet another song that reminds me of the aforementioned event. I like Muse songs a lot but this is my favorite of theirs. It's a really beautiful and bittersweet song. Especially the wailing of the guitar in the line "We're collapsing in stellar clouds of gas.". The song perfectly conveys the hopelessness of wanting to be listened to by someone who doesn't want to hear it.
Lights - Ellie Goulding
While not often my type of music, I really like this one. The synth sounds really cool and calming. It's something that sort of invokes a sort of melancholy nostalgia that's bittersweet, reminding me of being in the car at night, coming home from long trips, and watching the lights go by while music played on the radio. The complex feelings of finding both fear and comfort from lights in the darkness, and only really feeling safe in rooms when the door is open and not locked.
Revvin' Up - Crush40
Another nostalgia-inducing song, except this time it's one of the few fully positive ones. I used to be really into Sonic as a kid, and like many discovered Crush40 through Sonic. In fact, their CD was either the first or second thing I ever ordered online (the other being the soundtrack for Okage: Shadow King.) This song is is just super hype and super good, I love the energy of the vocals and it's my favorite song of theirs. It's also very fun to sing.
Topeka - Ludo
Ludo is another of my favorite bands. It's really hard to pick a favorite of theirs, but if I had to pick one it'd be this. It's very catchy, and I really love the line "Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future."
There are others, but I thought the list was long enough already that I might make separate lists for things like music from video games and anime openings. Though I'll mention that some other artists I really like that are not shown here are: Brand New, Voltaire, Johnathan Coulton, The Killers, My Chemical Romance, Malice Mizer, Nightwish, The Rasmus, and Kotani Kinya. One of my other all-time favorite songs is by my favorite composer, Motoi Sakuraba, from the game Baten Kaitos, which is also something I might talk about later. Anyways, I hope this can be remotely interesting for anyone especially since I spent a lot of time putting this together and writing my thoughts, haha.
Benson Hedges - fun.
This song is powerful, I love the opening and I love to sing this one. It vaguely reminds me of the experience I had during Hurricane Sandy where we we were stranded for a while before then because fallen trees were blocking the road in all directions, but eventually they got cleared, so we traveled to a motel that had power because after several days without it, there was no heat and it got dangerously cold. Combined with the desire I often have to just leave everything and everyone behind under the assumption no one wants me around anyway and I've never fit in anywhere, but sometimes people say things that remind me that they actually enjoy having me around despite my distance and cynicism.
Be Calm - fun.
I'm linking to an AMV for this one because it's my most favorite AMV of all time, using what I consider the most beautiful anime of all time. I actually went to Anime Boston in 2016 and had an amazing time, but I had missed the AMV contest so I watched some of the winning videos afterwards. Some bad stuff also happened though, and hearing the song and its similarities to how I felt then helped me cope with it. I actually discovered fun. through this video in the first place which came to become one of my favorite bands. This is a very relatable song to me, especially given that I see so much of myself in the protagonist of the Kids on the Slope anime. Listening to this has helped me be calm during rough times.
Sleepwalking Past Hope - HIM
This is actually probably my most favorite song of all time, and has been my favorite song for the longest as well. It's a VERY long song, at 10 minutes. I find the chorus incredibly beautiful and soothing. It's also a rather haunting song, but that's also what makes it so beautiful to me. Even though it's my favorite, I don't really have much to say about it besides how much I adore the melody and the piano. Though I do have a funny memory of the first time I heard the song, I was listening to the CD for the first time while driving to school and because of how it changes tone during the midsection, I actually thought it was two different songs at first until it went back into the chorus near the end.
Sweet Pandemonium - HIM
This list would be ridiculously long if I didn't limit myself to two per artist. HIM is my all-time favorite band and probably the only band that I literally like ALL of their songs. I've even gone to one of their concerts (and it was incredible). I decided to choose this one because I really like its inclusion of the theremin. This, as with every HIM song, also has that "haunting and beautiful" vibe to it, which I have a great amount of affection for. I have issues with anxiety, and this is one of those songs that pretty much never fail to calm me.
Sayonara wa Iwanai - Personz
This song is extremely sentimental and nostalgic to me. This song is used in the ending of the Yu Y Hakusho Movie: The Poltergeist Report. It was, I believe, either the first or second DVD I ever owned and was only able to even watch DVDs because I had a PS2. I still remember the buzz the CRT TV made during the credits sequence at around 3:21. This was the first song in Japanese I ever learned, and I remember printing out the lyrics to learn them and sing along to this. I love the instrumentation. At the time when I first heard it I was having an incredibly hard time coping with my best friend who had moved away, who I had visited once but seemed to have no trouble adjusting, already finding a group of friends for themselves that summer, but even years later I was still alone. I also struggled to cope with the death of my father, and the fact that I ended up losing contact with the few others that showed me kindness, and one in particular that I was quite fond of and lamented not having the bravery to get their number on the last day of me being in the program we were in - as when we met, the internet was still in its infancy and it wasn't as easy to keep in contact with people as it is now. It helped me a lot in dealing with those feelings, and this song still means a whole lot to me and is very dear to my heart. It also helps that it's from what is still one of my favorite anime series of all time.
Tompkins Square Park - Mumford & Sons
Mumford & Sons is another one of my favorite bands, but I generally, greatly prefer their older music. However, this song is a HUGE standout to the point of being my favorite songs of theirs. The instrumental on its own is amazing and probably my favorite instrumental for songs that have lyrics. It's just such a gorgeous song. It is reminiscent to me of Doukyuusei, an extremely good BL (boys love) manga with an incredible animated OVA.
Hopeless Wanderer - Mumford & Sons
It's a song I can relate to in a way - particularly, in regards to my presence online. I don't tend to stick around much. There isn't anywhere I call 'home' online and tend to wander from place to place, not getting particularly close to anyone and having a tendency to just disappear. I tend not to form strong attachments to others unless they make a persistent effort because I am afraid of that attachment being taken advantage of as so many others have. It's scary to be vulnerable. But now that I'm in a relationship, I know that I can "love the skies I'm under".
The Despair Factor - A.F.I
A.F.I was my first favorite band. I loved the melancholy tone of their music and they were basically my gateway to various alternative music. The album this song is on, "The Art of Drowning", is probably my most favorite album of all time and I highly recommend listening to the whole thing, in its proper order, if you like this song. Back when I first heard it, I related to this song a lot. And although they're not my #1 anymore, I still love most of their music.
No Resurrection - A.F.I
Much like Mumford & Sons, I'm not as fond of A.F.I's newer music as opposed to their older stuff. However, I really like this one. It's one of many songs that I find very reminiscent of my feelings toward a particularly ugly breakup with a former best friend a few years ago.
The Suffering - Coheed and Cambria
The guitar is so good in this. This is probably one of the more well-known songs on this list. I've loved this song for a long time, but found even more meaning of it when it too I find relatable to that same fallout.
Big Freeze - Muse
Yet another song that reminds me of the aforementioned event. I like Muse songs a lot but this is my favorite of theirs. It's a really beautiful and bittersweet song. Especially the wailing of the guitar in the line "We're collapsing in stellar clouds of gas.". The song perfectly conveys the hopelessness of wanting to be listened to by someone who doesn't want to hear it.
Lights - Ellie Goulding
While not often my type of music, I really like this one. The synth sounds really cool and calming. It's something that sort of invokes a sort of melancholy nostalgia that's bittersweet, reminding me of being in the car at night, coming home from long trips, and watching the lights go by while music played on the radio. The complex feelings of finding both fear and comfort from lights in the darkness, and only really feeling safe in rooms when the door is open and not locked.
Revvin' Up - Crush40
Another nostalgia-inducing song, except this time it's one of the few fully positive ones. I used to be really into Sonic as a kid, and like many discovered Crush40 through Sonic. In fact, their CD was either the first or second thing I ever ordered online (the other being the soundtrack for Okage: Shadow King.) This song is is just super hype and super good, I love the energy of the vocals and it's my favorite song of theirs. It's also very fun to sing.
Topeka - Ludo
Ludo is another of my favorite bands. It's really hard to pick a favorite of theirs, but if I had to pick one it'd be this. It's very catchy, and I really love the line "Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future."
There are others, but I thought the list was long enough already that I might make separate lists for things like music from video games and anime openings. Though I'll mention that some other artists I really like that are not shown here are: Brand New, Voltaire, Johnathan Coulton, The Killers, My Chemical Romance, Malice Mizer, Nightwish, The Rasmus, and Kotani Kinya. One of my other all-time favorite songs is by my favorite composer, Motoi Sakuraba, from the game Baten Kaitos, which is also something I might talk about later. Anyways, I hope this can be remotely interesting for anyone especially since I spent a lot of time putting this together and writing my thoughts, haha.
It was also nice, in finding the song on Alexa, to listen to the other melodies with lyrics as the emotion they carry always makes me feel nostalgic, mournful, and provide an out-of-body experience. Plus, as you may most guess, I think of you when I hear the songs.
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I'm not familiar with the majority of songs on your list. Though it is interesting to see you have a positive connection with 'fUN' as, sadly, I had a negative one as, upon finally escaping the hospital for the 'Family House' in 2012, the first song my brother-in-law found for me to listen to was a 'fUN' song and my mind immediately tied that tune to my misery. :(
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Music, like smells, has a way of bringing back memories. Memories are good, bad, and just ones that you would not have thought of unless the right tune, scent, etc. triggers the memory.
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For now, I will be hearing 'Hell Frozen Rain' as, truly, I feel it has a lot of meaning and touches on those times when I have failed you as a friend while I endeavor to not be a 'Shattered Memory'.
It's a shame that memories like that can ruin otherwise good songs, but I understand. If you don't mind me asking, do you remember what song it was that your brother in law showed you? Sometimes you can be kinda vague, so I'm not sure if you're referring to a song on this list, or another one. As far as I know they only ever released two albums and I've listened to both a lot, so even if you don't remember the title of the song, I'd probably know what song it is from a description. I'm a bit surprised to hear this now, only because I had posted a drawing before with a link to one of their songs that inspired it, and had talked about wanting to create a series of pictures inspired by several other works of theirs a few years back and I don't think you mentioned that :c
Anyways, I'm glad you found it interesting. You're a good person going through a rough time, so try not to be so hard on yourself!
When I travel anywhere, I try to remember to bring 'snuggle buddies' as I need something to love up to help my anxiety. Being in the literal 'dark' can take a toll on you after awhile. Plus I have come to realize how you just never know when something may happen and the support you need is just not all there.
I shall have to try "Big Freeze" when I next get on the internet. My overall online stamina is not quite what it was a year ago and I'm trying to do things in sessions. Most times are keeping up on letters and posts. Then, if time feels open, I'll use it to listen to music and catch up on stories I haven't been able to get to for awhile.
Thinking back, I am always excited when someone can find inspiration to make art through exposture to other art. My dislike of fUN as a result of it being first noticed during a very bad time is my 'cross to bear'. It will definitely not be anything that would keep me from encouraging you, or anyone else, from bringing out their best. Everyone has something that inspires them, makes them sad, makes them angry, etc. fUN just happened to play on the radio at the wrong place and wrong time for me as it played a lot as I fought repeated thoughts on how to end my life.
Doing things in sessions sounds like a good move as to not burn yourself out. It's best to just take your time instead of rushing through things. Especially when involving other people, as treating social interactions more like a 'checklist' of things to deal with only causes hurt and doesn't benefit anyone. So I don't mind if it takes a while to get to them. I'd appreciate it if you took the time to listen to all the songs I have linked on this journal more for the sake of discovering new music rather than feeling any sort of obligation, so I don't mind if it takes a while to get to it, and I understand if you want to skip the fun. songs for your mental health. Maybe you'll find something you like that could have a calming effect for you too c:
There is a book Toroth recommended to me that helps in getting 'mindfulness' stronger. All I need to do is download it through my Library Of Congress app. Perhaps, in doing so, I will get a foundation on improving upon techniques that do not work so well now as they once did?
What I will need to do is create a 'Playlist' of these songs as I find it easier to listen to music while relaxing, or while doing some sort of activity. I actually should do this for a lot of things that I am recommended but then forget to do. I've slipped a lot in full follow-through and it is really, in thinking of it, how I used to listen to music while working on the computer. However it is not as enjoyable when the music is battling against the sound of a 'screen reader'. So I'll start a new process of making 'Lists' with my iPhone so I can enjoy the music when I'm not needing to 'read' nor 'write' anything.
Largely, I just need to make sure I don't keep forgetting people and important points as I pull myself together. Our conversations make me dig deeper-and-deeper to see just how far some of these problems I have been coming into effect while also their change in how I've been able to 'be a friend'.
At least now I can take it 'slower' to better absorb what is being said instead of being so 'jumpy' and 'unpredictable' on what, if anything, I'll do. (I am keeping post links now to remind me of what I need to get to as I make time and methods to best intake all that I once failed to do much with)