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Where I've been, Whats been going on, Where I'm going.
5 years ago
Hang on to your butts...this is a long one.
Hey guys, gals, furs and friends.
I know that I haven't been too active on here in quite some time and most of you I've fallen out of touch with and I wanted to say I'm sorry about that and try to give some context on where I've been in the past few...well...years at this point.
Let me start at way back in 2013 when I was at my peak activity on this site. I commissioned art whenever I could, was super active online, talked to anyone and everyone, be a strong and supportive shoulder for anyone who needed it and generally seemed like fairly well kept and well rounded person...
Seemed to be...
In all honesty, my life was spiraling out of control and I was diving harder and harder into this community as a means to escape from the real problems I was ignoring. I was doing everything in my power to get away from it all.
Those commissions were paid for with money that should have went to the piling up bills but I could't pay them anyway so what was the point, the chatting online was my only social outlet and the happy go lucky face everyone saw was just hiding the tears.
I tried to be there for everyone I talked to and many people I have later come to discover, that many people don't want help, they want to be miserable and only thrive when they spread it...and spread it they did.
While I believe that I surrounded myself mostly with great people, in an attempt to accommodate everyone, I let in the bad ones too.
While I wholeheartedly believe they had no ill intention, they still were just constant downers, nothing brought them up and in turn, could only bring me further down.
The further down I got, the deeper into the fandom and kink I got, which created nothing but a spiral that kept sucking me further and further down until it was a struggle to even get out of bed some days and I seriously considered ending it then and there.
Those thoughts scared me and I realized that I had to go into self preservation mode and shut myself from everything. I called it quits, disconnected my life and moved back home with my parents with my tail between my legs, defeated.
......
With the support of my parents, not knowing the true depths of the darkness I was trapped in, I was able to start clawing my way out of it.
It started with literally throwing my entire paycheck at my student loans just to be able make the lowest payment possible on them. The fact that I couldn't afford to not go to work forced me to be dependable and responsible at work and therefore led to me getting enough notice and recognition to get promoted.
More money meant a little more freedom. I still maintained my bills and never spent more than I had all the while taking the occasional moment to to reward myself with some restaurant food, or just in general junk food.
There comes the next problem.
As I continued to work my way up the ladder at work, with a handful of promotions and a little bit more freedom with my finances, I started turning those occasional rewards into a almost daily ritual. This caused my weight, which was already high to balloon out of control.
At my worst I could polish off a whole pizza, a package of cookies and multiple bottles of soda in a single sitting. I knew it was getting out of hand but I felt like diets were impossible and that so long as I didn't feel bad, I was fine. This was 100% denial on my part and it wasn't until I was having chest pains after eating anything and being unable to perform the simplest of activities without gasping for air that I realized that it I didn't recognize feeling bad because it was all I'd known. I went to the doctor and was crushed to see that I weighed roughly 400 pounds. This shattered my fragile and still recovering self esteem and I felt those dark talons start to pull me back.
This time was different though and out of either fear or determination, I refused to let myself fall back into that pit I'd worked so hard to get out of. I tried diet after diet, many failed before they took off unfortunately, but I persevered.
With the provocation of some of my coworkers and the support of my mother I started the keto diet, which has since blown up into a huge trend and I can absolutely understand why.
Someone wiser than I coined the phrase, "It's not a diet, its a lifestyle change that leads to success." and I cannot express how true that statement is.
I started this new journey one day with a fire under me and I hit the ground running (not literally, I weighed 400 lbs). I joined a gym and while I would barely walk at a snail pace for prolonged time. I kept at it and the sudden inspiration to do this diet was enough to keep me on it for a couple weeks.
Two to three weeks into it, I didn't feel any better and I still had zero stamina when it came to working out and I was about to throw in the towel when I realized that I had dropped over 10 pounds in that short time frame. That little win was enough to make me stick with it more and more and I cannot express how happy I am that I did so.
Over the past 2 years I have cut out sugar almost entirely and I have lost over 160 lbs and I am enjoying life to the fullest I can. This journey has been filled with ups and downs but I am so glad that I was able to experience it.
Now that I think I covered the story I wanted to share, let me tell you whats going on in my life right now.
I've gotten all but one of my student loans paid off and finally have enough money to move out of my parents and start my life proper. This is something I honestly never thought possible and it almost brings me to tears having this finally be real.
Starting October 1st, I will be flying solo for the first time in my entire life and while it is terrifying and stressful. I see it as a challenge I can confront head on rather than one that will break me.
In fact, my entire mindset has changed so much over these years that I am barely the person I used to be. I'm may worry a bit more over things and tend to overthink dumb things, but I realize that most things can work out if you apply yourself to a solution rather than wallowing in the impossibilities or the unfairness of it all.
That is one of the reasons I am writing this, to hopefully let at least one person know that it can be done. It's hard, might even seem impossible but I am living proof that it is not. Where there is a will there is a way and I hope that sharing my story will shine a light into someone's darkness and give them a mindset they might not have thought on.
I'm going to try to be more active towards people in general but I will not sit by and let someone drag me down nor will I constantly yip and their heels for attention. A friendship works both ways and while I'm always happy to talk, I refuse to be the only one who initiates any and all conversations.
I'm fine with talking furry kink rubber slave whatever, but I don't enjoy role-playing and would rather build long lasting friendships instead of one off jerk sessions (I can do that on my own).
Anyway, I thank you all for reading this and hope you have a fantastic morning/day/night/month/year
PS. If any of you would like to learn more about the keto diet and how it all works (I'm not an expert but I know enough to help) please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I'd be more than happy to share my knowledge to help someone else.
Until next time..thanks for reading and have a great one!
Hey guys, gals, furs and friends.
I know that I haven't been too active on here in quite some time and most of you I've fallen out of touch with and I wanted to say I'm sorry about that and try to give some context on where I've been in the past few...well...years at this point.
Let me start at way back in 2013 when I was at my peak activity on this site. I commissioned art whenever I could, was super active online, talked to anyone and everyone, be a strong and supportive shoulder for anyone who needed it and generally seemed like fairly well kept and well rounded person...
Seemed to be...
In all honesty, my life was spiraling out of control and I was diving harder and harder into this community as a means to escape from the real problems I was ignoring. I was doing everything in my power to get away from it all.
Those commissions were paid for with money that should have went to the piling up bills but I could't pay them anyway so what was the point, the chatting online was my only social outlet and the happy go lucky face everyone saw was just hiding the tears.
I tried to be there for everyone I talked to and many people I have later come to discover, that many people don't want help, they want to be miserable and only thrive when they spread it...and spread it they did.
While I believe that I surrounded myself mostly with great people, in an attempt to accommodate everyone, I let in the bad ones too.
While I wholeheartedly believe they had no ill intention, they still were just constant downers, nothing brought them up and in turn, could only bring me further down.
The further down I got, the deeper into the fandom and kink I got, which created nothing but a spiral that kept sucking me further and further down until it was a struggle to even get out of bed some days and I seriously considered ending it then and there.
Those thoughts scared me and I realized that I had to go into self preservation mode and shut myself from everything. I called it quits, disconnected my life and moved back home with my parents with my tail between my legs, defeated.
......
With the support of my parents, not knowing the true depths of the darkness I was trapped in, I was able to start clawing my way out of it.
It started with literally throwing my entire paycheck at my student loans just to be able make the lowest payment possible on them. The fact that I couldn't afford to not go to work forced me to be dependable and responsible at work and therefore led to me getting enough notice and recognition to get promoted.
More money meant a little more freedom. I still maintained my bills and never spent more than I had all the while taking the occasional moment to to reward myself with some restaurant food, or just in general junk food.
There comes the next problem.
As I continued to work my way up the ladder at work, with a handful of promotions and a little bit more freedom with my finances, I started turning those occasional rewards into a almost daily ritual. This caused my weight, which was already high to balloon out of control.
At my worst I could polish off a whole pizza, a package of cookies and multiple bottles of soda in a single sitting. I knew it was getting out of hand but I felt like diets were impossible and that so long as I didn't feel bad, I was fine. This was 100% denial on my part and it wasn't until I was having chest pains after eating anything and being unable to perform the simplest of activities without gasping for air that I realized that it I didn't recognize feeling bad because it was all I'd known. I went to the doctor and was crushed to see that I weighed roughly 400 pounds. This shattered my fragile and still recovering self esteem and I felt those dark talons start to pull me back.
This time was different though and out of either fear or determination, I refused to let myself fall back into that pit I'd worked so hard to get out of. I tried diet after diet, many failed before they took off unfortunately, but I persevered.
With the provocation of some of my coworkers and the support of my mother I started the keto diet, which has since blown up into a huge trend and I can absolutely understand why.
Someone wiser than I coined the phrase, "It's not a diet, its a lifestyle change that leads to success." and I cannot express how true that statement is.
I started this new journey one day with a fire under me and I hit the ground running (not literally, I weighed 400 lbs). I joined a gym and while I would barely walk at a snail pace for prolonged time. I kept at it and the sudden inspiration to do this diet was enough to keep me on it for a couple weeks.
Two to three weeks into it, I didn't feel any better and I still had zero stamina when it came to working out and I was about to throw in the towel when I realized that I had dropped over 10 pounds in that short time frame. That little win was enough to make me stick with it more and more and I cannot express how happy I am that I did so.
Over the past 2 years I have cut out sugar almost entirely and I have lost over 160 lbs and I am enjoying life to the fullest I can. This journey has been filled with ups and downs but I am so glad that I was able to experience it.
Now that I think I covered the story I wanted to share, let me tell you whats going on in my life right now.
I've gotten all but one of my student loans paid off and finally have enough money to move out of my parents and start my life proper. This is something I honestly never thought possible and it almost brings me to tears having this finally be real.
Starting October 1st, I will be flying solo for the first time in my entire life and while it is terrifying and stressful. I see it as a challenge I can confront head on rather than one that will break me.
In fact, my entire mindset has changed so much over these years that I am barely the person I used to be. I'm may worry a bit more over things and tend to overthink dumb things, but I realize that most things can work out if you apply yourself to a solution rather than wallowing in the impossibilities or the unfairness of it all.
That is one of the reasons I am writing this, to hopefully let at least one person know that it can be done. It's hard, might even seem impossible but I am living proof that it is not. Where there is a will there is a way and I hope that sharing my story will shine a light into someone's darkness and give them a mindset they might not have thought on.
I'm going to try to be more active towards people in general but I will not sit by and let someone drag me down nor will I constantly yip and their heels for attention. A friendship works both ways and while I'm always happy to talk, I refuse to be the only one who initiates any and all conversations.
I'm fine with talking furry kink rubber slave whatever, but I don't enjoy role-playing and would rather build long lasting friendships instead of one off jerk sessions (I can do that on my own).
Anyway, I thank you all for reading this and hope you have a fantastic morning/day/night/month/year
PS. If any of you would like to learn more about the keto diet and how it all works (I'm not an expert but I know enough to help) please don't hesitate to reach out to me. I'd be more than happy to share my knowledge to help someone else.
Until next time..thanks for reading and have a great one!
It's nice to know you are doing well, and i'm sorry i dissapeared from Skype from a moment without even a warming.
Please Stay Safe and being cool. I'm sure your changes have being for the best as well keep doing your best and have a safe travel on the plane!
Greetings and hugs, Lucky~
And yeah, I have wondered where you've been.
I'd look into the keto diet myself but I'm wondering if the UK NHS is gonna get me on this diabetes soup-shake diet first to see if they can put it into remission. Hopefully I'll lose some weight with that, hah.