FA+
Shop
Moving on.
5 years ago
So recently I began making video logs of my thoughts on my ex fiancee. Surprisingly, they helped me work through a lot of the pain and cycles of how/why/do/regret. Even helping embracing my alternative sexuality and in doing so, my heterosexuality is beginning to "become uncovered and make more sense."
Im still embracing my female side.
The other day I was installing a shower pan, and I believe my creator whispered to me, that I need to "let her go" completely. And I've been doing the work and the painful acceptance of the idea that I'll never see her again.
The other part of the "whispering" to my spirit was a fairly wonderful hope of, "and learn to be happy and content as a single person." I have a lot of hope for this. Not only the delightful woman I got to talk to who gave me hope for happiness with another woman, but with learning to embrace my single-Ness and freedom. Not resentfully, but joyously.
Learning to make delicious meals, enjoying good beer, learning to draw and illustrate my stories, enjoying the endless beauty of nature. The last week I have been given new doors and opportunities for personal growth, and I have taken them all no matter how scary they may seem.
The last two days I've awoken salty and angry at her. For the angry letter she sent, last, to the man who risked his life to save and protect her, the disrespect she showed me is very real. "She could have been nicer." someone told me. Yeah I've been pretty pissed. But, as I'm finding out, bitterness only hurts the person who is holding it. And, no doubt I had my hand in causing a situation that is likely hard for her, so of course she is upset.
But still.
I'm working to release her completely so that I can move on, but not with resentment, but with the hope that she finds what her heart desires. That she's happy. Truly, hope and want this for her. And in doing so, finding my own way. Finding contentment and enjoyment of life.
Im still embracing my female side.
The other day I was installing a shower pan, and I believe my creator whispered to me, that I need to "let her go" completely. And I've been doing the work and the painful acceptance of the idea that I'll never see her again.
The other part of the "whispering" to my spirit was a fairly wonderful hope of, "and learn to be happy and content as a single person." I have a lot of hope for this. Not only the delightful woman I got to talk to who gave me hope for happiness with another woman, but with learning to embrace my single-Ness and freedom. Not resentfully, but joyously.
Learning to make delicious meals, enjoying good beer, learning to draw and illustrate my stories, enjoying the endless beauty of nature. The last week I have been given new doors and opportunities for personal growth, and I have taken them all no matter how scary they may seem.
The last two days I've awoken salty and angry at her. For the angry letter she sent, last, to the man who risked his life to save and protect her, the disrespect she showed me is very real. "She could have been nicer." someone told me. Yeah I've been pretty pissed. But, as I'm finding out, bitterness only hurts the person who is holding it. And, no doubt I had my hand in causing a situation that is likely hard for her, so of course she is upset.
But still.
I'm working to release her completely so that I can move on, but not with resentment, but with the hope that she finds what her heart desires. That she's happy. Truly, hope and want this for her. And in doing so, finding my own way. Finding contentment and enjoyment of life.
Happy single and knowing what makes you tick and being able to continue that path is how you'll be happy in a relationship, too. My current path, I don't get to do many of the things I like to do. She has no interest. I must be beholden to her hobbies, family, ineptitude (I'm always scrambling to help her find lost keys, jewelry, stupid shit she ordered from the internet, cook, clean etc) , and media taste. No Star Trek for me anymore. My family won't come over anymore.
Realize the sacrifices you made in that relationship for your own happiness.