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Christmas 2020...
5 years ago
It’s Christmas Day… in the year 2020…
FINA-FREAKING-LY!
As anyone can tell you. This year was AWFUL.
A global Pandemic that people are LETTING to be problem, several devastating fires across the world, several deaths of love-ones and celebrities, politics that had hurt people both directly and indirectly…I consider myself a “lucky” person this year because what happened to me was just general awful fullness… just unable to use my car after paying off the insurance for it for the year… got into a fight with a friend (we manage to patch up afterward), tried to make new friends and got absolutely nothing from them.
Seriously: I drew some of them giftart for them and received NO reply from them, not even a “Thank You.”
That’s what I am feeling right now. That I have made no impact with anyone.
I have notice that no matter what I do online with most people and groups… I get generally ignored somehow… I’ve made comments to reach out to others with my same interests… make general posts and observations that would resonate with some people… make gift-sketches for a few of them, but so far: I got nothing… unless it is something done by someone… and even those don’t go as far as I expect…
Half the time when I try to talk to new people… it really does feel like I am talking to a brickwall, and soon I feel like I am trying too hard, not getting the “hint” with the standard non-reaction from anyone…so I end up feeling like an forceful idiot. Granted, most of the people I try to socialize with are rather busy and popular people who can’t just reply as soon as they can… but I have notice that they do react to better material given to them than what I give… I am not saying they are being snobbish… but it does make me consider my work and ideas might be just bland and forgettable in general… I mean… they are just crude sketches… whats that to getting a fully colored and shaded picture from one of the most popular artists online… and that makes me wonder…
Does anyone really socialize anymore online? It does seems like most of the artists and users I know online are either not interesting with making friends, or just striving to make their work “profitable” so they can live the best they can… and in the end, it feels like most of the social site I am on just cold or just giving a friendly façade…
Recently: I do have this annoying train of thought when it comes to my group of friends; I am pretty much the “other” friend to them. The 8th in a Group of 4. The friend who they will MIGHT consider if the chance comes up. That no matter what good I do for them, it’s pretty much next to nothing in general. That when it’s time to show appreciation…. I am lucky just to get a mention in passing... that I have to FORCE to get their attention… and I wonder if I am even a friend to them at all... hence why I try SO hard with my closest friends… even to the ones who do talk to me personally and regularly, not to mention they treat me like a good friend in general...
But still… this really does feel like this happens to me more often than it should... maybe I am just being overdramatic about the uncertainty of things… with that said…
I AM incredible THANKFUL TO MY FRIENDS. Seriously, you guys might done less than others, but it is ALL appreciated the same this year. Be it one who gives gifts or someone to talk to, it helps me immensely. I can’t relate with my family half the time and being stuck inside for ¾ of the year was a heavy toll, so all of you were a REAL help to get me through this year. I can’t thank you enough or payback what you give right for all this time.
For me, Christmas this year wouldn’t be HALF as uplifting as it is for me if not making you guys remotely as happy and loved as you made me this through this dreadful year. And I also hope we can take what good we built up and carry it with us for the new year.
FINA-FREAKING-LY!
As anyone can tell you. This year was AWFUL.
A global Pandemic that people are LETTING to be problem, several devastating fires across the world, several deaths of love-ones and celebrities, politics that had hurt people both directly and indirectly…I consider myself a “lucky” person this year because what happened to me was just general awful fullness… just unable to use my car after paying off the insurance for it for the year… got into a fight with a friend (we manage to patch up afterward), tried to make new friends and got absolutely nothing from them.
Seriously: I drew some of them giftart for them and received NO reply from them, not even a “Thank You.”
That’s what I am feeling right now. That I have made no impact with anyone.
I have notice that no matter what I do online with most people and groups… I get generally ignored somehow… I’ve made comments to reach out to others with my same interests… make general posts and observations that would resonate with some people… make gift-sketches for a few of them, but so far: I got nothing… unless it is something done by someone… and even those don’t go as far as I expect…
Half the time when I try to talk to new people… it really does feel like I am talking to a brickwall, and soon I feel like I am trying too hard, not getting the “hint” with the standard non-reaction from anyone…so I end up feeling like an forceful idiot. Granted, most of the people I try to socialize with are rather busy and popular people who can’t just reply as soon as they can… but I have notice that they do react to better material given to them than what I give… I am not saying they are being snobbish… but it does make me consider my work and ideas might be just bland and forgettable in general… I mean… they are just crude sketches… whats that to getting a fully colored and shaded picture from one of the most popular artists online… and that makes me wonder…
Does anyone really socialize anymore online? It does seems like most of the artists and users I know online are either not interesting with making friends, or just striving to make their work “profitable” so they can live the best they can… and in the end, it feels like most of the social site I am on just cold or just giving a friendly façade…
Recently: I do have this annoying train of thought when it comes to my group of friends; I am pretty much the “other” friend to them. The 8th in a Group of 4. The friend who they will MIGHT consider if the chance comes up. That no matter what good I do for them, it’s pretty much next to nothing in general. That when it’s time to show appreciation…. I am lucky just to get a mention in passing... that I have to FORCE to get their attention… and I wonder if I am even a friend to them at all... hence why I try SO hard with my closest friends… even to the ones who do talk to me personally and regularly, not to mention they treat me like a good friend in general...
But still… this really does feel like this happens to me more often than it should... maybe I am just being overdramatic about the uncertainty of things… with that said…
I AM incredible THANKFUL TO MY FRIENDS. Seriously, you guys might done less than others, but it is ALL appreciated the same this year. Be it one who gives gifts or someone to talk to, it helps me immensely. I can’t relate with my family half the time and being stuck inside for ¾ of the year was a heavy toll, so all of you were a REAL help to get me through this year. I can’t thank you enough or payback what you give right for all this time.
For me, Christmas this year wouldn’t be HALF as uplifting as it is for me if not making you guys remotely as happy and loved as you made me this through this dreadful year. And I also hope we can take what good we built up and carry it with us for the new year.
