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The Drawing Decision
5 years ago
I have a difficult decision to make.
And I wanted to write it out in a place where people who follow me and wish to stay in the loop will be able to know where my head’s at if they want to.
A friend recently told me that it’s important to spend time doing what makes me smile, and avoid what pulls me down.
Recent complications have made me call into question whether drawing is something that is good for me or bad for me at this point.
What about drawing brings me joy:
1. The pride I feel when I finally, finally complete artwork to my satisfaction.
2. Creating something I’ve pictured in my head in a way that others can now see, in a way I get to share with others.
3. Contributing to the Pokémon fanart community.
What about drawing makes me stressed out:
1. The process of drawing is frustrating. Despite practicing for about twenty years, I have the following frustrations.
1a. I draw very slowly. Slower than any of my peers by an enormous margin. It takes me months to complete art, even though I don’t tackle complicated projects.
1b. Forming a sketch from reference images is frustrating. Getting the anatomy to make any sense on the page is not clicking for me, and it’s not gotten any easier.
1c. When I DO get the anatomy correct, someone calls me out for copying the art I looked at on another screen to reference the pose.
2. I am feeling very ostracized from the community of Pokémon NSFW fanartists. A large number of these fellow fanartists have explicitly called me annoying, or much worse things. This is endlessly aggravating, as it always comes after I try to do the right thing, stick up for what’s right, or offer a constructive suggestion. Which is, of course, annoying (or worse) to some people.
Over the years, I have made appeals to people who hold me in disfavourable opinion, using all manner of different advice from my friends on how to handle these kinds of situations. Sometimes to the individuals themselves, sometimes to the moderation team of whatever subcommunity it took place in. Often the moderation teams respond in ways that my friends and I agree are unjust.
When that hasn’t worked and things get especially nasty, I’ve taken others’ advice and tried moving on and finding different peers. It’s happened again. And again. Often to the point of me gaining people who verbally harass me.
Knowing that such a large number of my peers in this community find me annoying, or actively hate my guts and say bad things about me, has been pulling down my morale for years now, and lately it’s become a weight that is too much to bear.
So, I have a difficult decision to make.
A. I form a plan to tackle ALL of these problems and I continue to create art. I do not know what this plan will look like, since I have already tried everything that both my friends and I can think of.
B. I decide to stop drawing entirely. I leave the Poké fanartist community (they’d no longer be peers). I focus my time to create the one thing that I know I am skilled at, faster at, I take pride in, and I enjoy doing: writing Pokémon fiction stories.
I don’t have an answer yet. But thanks to those who wanted to catch up with what I’ve been going through lately.
Best,
-Afterglow
And I wanted to write it out in a place where people who follow me and wish to stay in the loop will be able to know where my head’s at if they want to.
A friend recently told me that it’s important to spend time doing what makes me smile, and avoid what pulls me down.
Recent complications have made me call into question whether drawing is something that is good for me or bad for me at this point.
What about drawing brings me joy:
1. The pride I feel when I finally, finally complete artwork to my satisfaction.
2. Creating something I’ve pictured in my head in a way that others can now see, in a way I get to share with others.
3. Contributing to the Pokémon fanart community.
What about drawing makes me stressed out:
1. The process of drawing is frustrating. Despite practicing for about twenty years, I have the following frustrations.
1a. I draw very slowly. Slower than any of my peers by an enormous margin. It takes me months to complete art, even though I don’t tackle complicated projects.
1b. Forming a sketch from reference images is frustrating. Getting the anatomy to make any sense on the page is not clicking for me, and it’s not gotten any easier.
1c. When I DO get the anatomy correct, someone calls me out for copying the art I looked at on another screen to reference the pose.
2. I am feeling very ostracized from the community of Pokémon NSFW fanartists. A large number of these fellow fanartists have explicitly called me annoying, or much worse things. This is endlessly aggravating, as it always comes after I try to do the right thing, stick up for what’s right, or offer a constructive suggestion. Which is, of course, annoying (or worse) to some people.
Over the years, I have made appeals to people who hold me in disfavourable opinion, using all manner of different advice from my friends on how to handle these kinds of situations. Sometimes to the individuals themselves, sometimes to the moderation team of whatever subcommunity it took place in. Often the moderation teams respond in ways that my friends and I agree are unjust.
When that hasn’t worked and things get especially nasty, I’ve taken others’ advice and tried moving on and finding different peers. It’s happened again. And again. Often to the point of me gaining people who verbally harass me.
Knowing that such a large number of my peers in this community find me annoying, or actively hate my guts and say bad things about me, has been pulling down my morale for years now, and lately it’s become a weight that is too much to bear.
So, I have a difficult decision to make.
A. I form a plan to tackle ALL of these problems and I continue to create art. I do not know what this plan will look like, since I have already tried everything that both my friends and I can think of.
B. I decide to stop drawing entirely. I leave the Poké fanartist community (they’d no longer be peers). I focus my time to create the one thing that I know I am skilled at, faster at, I take pride in, and I enjoy doing: writing Pokémon fiction stories.
I don’t have an answer yet. But thanks to those who wanted to catch up with what I’ve been going through lately.
Best,
-Afterglow
There's few ways of tackling those things you're stressed about, one thing is to take less strict take on art. Not every piece needs to be perfect, and sometimes a drop in quality might be a good thing. The art might not come as good, but it takes far less time, and you get better the more you draw - also if there's not as much on "stake" (meaning less time is being spent per piece, or overall not as stressed to make it look as good), you're more likely to pick up a new project to work on. You could try doing stuff like "One hour challenge", trying to see what you can make in just a hour; it's not going to be pretty, but it gives you a good idea what you can make, also trying to finish something like lineart or even a sketch in that time forces you to not focus on a small part, rather try make the whole look presentable.
The best advice I've gotten regarding to anatomy, is to over-simplify everything. Not everything needs to be perfect anatomically, and sometimes stylized choices can even make the picture look visually more appealing. Using reference pictures is definitely good, they can help you improve on certain parts of yourself. Whatever works the best for you, and sometimes learning new things will challenge the stuff you learned before, and that's how you improve ^^
I hope you can find art a bit less stressful! There are people who aren't supportive and toxic, but there's also good people hidden there somewhere. Sometimes you just gotta get a bit lucky when finding them >w< But in time, I think you'll find your support group~
It is also my hope that these frequent interpersonal struggles of yours will lead to some measure of introspection. You are a principled fellow, and it is commendable to stand up for what you believe in. Even so, there is much value in knowing which battles to wage and when. Particularly in a group setting, it's important to try to avoid steering the conversation into a topic that others in the group do not wish to talk about, as it could lead to friction and bad feelings. I say this as someone who has been diagnosed with autism and I've had trouble "reading the room" in the past myself. It is nonetheless something that can be practiced. The social rules of engagement may be nebulous, but they are not impenetrable.
Having said that, I think it's fine to focus on what you do best. I've dabbled in both art and stories (see my side account anonymlessdraws) but right now I am dedicating myself to the art of programming, because it is the area I feel that I show the most promise in. There is no shame in only writing stories, or only making games, or only drawing - it is impossible to master every craft. And for any task that falls outside your own area of expertise, you can be sure that there's someone out there who would be willing to take it on.
While I appreciate your advice about reading the room, I am afraid it doesn't especially apply to the matters I found myself in, where somebody really had to say something. But that's ok, you couldn't have known — I've been keeping my descriptions fairly vague so as to not point fingers.
You make a great point with your final paragraph, which I'll think about. Though I'm not sure if plugging your art account is great form in someone's comment section?
I don't know if there's a solution to your anatomy frustrations. Art naturally uses a lot of cognitive energy especially if you're still learning new things. If you like to draw new ideas or figures a lot you're going to keep having those frustrations. I notice people who draw fast typically draw a lot of the same thing and then struggle the same way when they move on, so if you're procrastinating in art that's going to be another contributing factor. Most people who produce a high quantity of high quality art are exceptional people who've sacrificed spending time in other hobbies.
I don't think my opinion matters much, but I like your art and I would be disappointed if you gave up. I also think that the community would lose something. The furry porn pool could use a lot more intimate sex. Your style is cute and your art is good. If it takes a long time for you to produce, I still think it's worth creating at least occasionally. I still appreciate your long, thoughtful comment about my unfinished comic even though it was 2 years ago!
I dunno. A good chunk of the community of artists really don't like me around. That's a big factor for me. If it was the art struggles alone I might be able to handle it.