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2020 Anno Domini Ends Here.
4 years ago
WE INTERRUPT THIS YIFFING WITH A WORD FROM OUR FOX
Back in 2009... I had no qualms calling 2008 the worst year of my life. My young mind could not fathom the idea of a worse year than that. Fast forward six years, and 2014 had happened, which was SO bad for me, that I entirely redesigned my fursona in such a way, that I had used it as my own way to convince myself to just keep going! I could not fathom the idea that there would be a worse year than 2014. ...And then 2016 happened, and it literally ripped my life apart, piece by piece by piece. I could not fathom the idea that there could be a worse year than that. And then 2017 came pretty damn close. Was abused mentally, and had three important people in my life die? Yeah no thanks.
And then there was this year. The year 2020 Anno Domini. What. Can I even say about it? Could I say that this year blows all those other shitty years way out of the water? By... a lot? Oh sure, this year was off to a promising start what with a personal financial boom and a boyfriend to call my own once again. But come on guys... come on. We have been through this song and dance before. Many, many times before. FAR too many. I do not even NEED to say that wouldn't last long... It NEVER does. It NEVER has! But this year... this year made it even more SPECIAL. As this year has mastered what made the past years so unbelievably shitty. My health was not great, like 2008 (although 2013-14 and 2018 were worse), my mental health bottomed out again, like in 2014. Aspects of my life that I worked my ass off to get back in 2018 and 19 were taken away from me again, like in 2016. I was used and abused by said "boyfriend" AGAIN, just like 2017. ALL of that on TOP of the other crises that would come to affect me in 2020 Anno Domini. A worldwide pandemic. Closures of furmeets and furcons. Threats to mine and my friends' lives from the alt right world. (I mean I don't LOOK it, but I am of mixed race.) Wildfires galore. I know California and Australia got the worst of it, but Colorado was definitely no place to be either.
Look man, what can I say? Worst year ever? Yes. Absolutely. There is no debating it. None. Ever. Period. In fact, I cannot fathom the idea that-- no. No fuck that. I cannot say that phrase. Because I know that when I do, a year in the future will attempt to contest 2020 Anno Domini for the title of worst year ever. And I canNOT let that happen... So now I DO have qualms in saying that 2020 Anno Domini is that... that. So I won't. I cannot.
Man... I say this every year... I keep on saying that next year will be better. Next year will be the one. The one to turn my life around. And I have been trying SO hard to. Since 2015 I have said this. Over and over and over. But shit just keeps continuing to pile up. But here I am, still attempting to make it through and find what I had been looking for since 2013. I keep holding on in some vain hope that I will find a way. But it is getting harder and harder to keep going. I built my fursona and persona on a concept of infinite willpower. But I am only human. And no amount of willpower is gonna be infinite. There will be a day that it will run out. And I can only hope that I can get what I want before that happens... I have to remember that even though the clock is ticking ever closer to a brand new, hopefully better year in 2021... I also have to remember that the clock on my will to keep going is ticking, just the same.
I cannot wait forever. I cannot try forever. I cannot last forever. In good and bad, that is just how things are. Remember that.
So 2021? I do not exactly have high hopes for this new year but... Can in be worse than 2020 Anno Domini? Heh. Even someone as pessimistic as I am doubts it. But I have been RUTHLESSLY surprised on more occasions than there EVER should be. 2020 Anno Domini WAS one of those occasions after all...
I really do not know what else to say... but 2020 Anno Domini? Burn. In. Hell.
And then there was this year. The year 2020 Anno Domini. What. Can I even say about it? Could I say that this year blows all those other shitty years way out of the water? By... a lot? Oh sure, this year was off to a promising start what with a personal financial boom and a boyfriend to call my own once again. But come on guys... come on. We have been through this song and dance before. Many, many times before. FAR too many. I do not even NEED to say that wouldn't last long... It NEVER does. It NEVER has! But this year... this year made it even more SPECIAL. As this year has mastered what made the past years so unbelievably shitty. My health was not great, like 2008 (although 2013-14 and 2018 were worse), my mental health bottomed out again, like in 2014. Aspects of my life that I worked my ass off to get back in 2018 and 19 were taken away from me again, like in 2016. I was used and abused by said "boyfriend" AGAIN, just like 2017. ALL of that on TOP of the other crises that would come to affect me in 2020 Anno Domini. A worldwide pandemic. Closures of furmeets and furcons. Threats to mine and my friends' lives from the alt right world. (I mean I don't LOOK it, but I am of mixed race.) Wildfires galore. I know California and Australia got the worst of it, but Colorado was definitely no place to be either.
Look man, what can I say? Worst year ever? Yes. Absolutely. There is no debating it. None. Ever. Period. In fact, I cannot fathom the idea that-- no. No fuck that. I cannot say that phrase. Because I know that when I do, a year in the future will attempt to contest 2020 Anno Domini for the title of worst year ever. And I canNOT let that happen... So now I DO have qualms in saying that 2020 Anno Domini is that... that. So I won't. I cannot.
Man... I say this every year... I keep on saying that next year will be better. Next year will be the one. The one to turn my life around. And I have been trying SO hard to. Since 2015 I have said this. Over and over and over. But shit just keeps continuing to pile up. But here I am, still attempting to make it through and find what I had been looking for since 2013. I keep holding on in some vain hope that I will find a way. But it is getting harder and harder to keep going. I built my fursona and persona on a concept of infinite willpower. But I am only human. And no amount of willpower is gonna be infinite. There will be a day that it will run out. And I can only hope that I can get what I want before that happens... I have to remember that even though the clock is ticking ever closer to a brand new, hopefully better year in 2021... I also have to remember that the clock on my will to keep going is ticking, just the same.
I cannot wait forever. I cannot try forever. I cannot last forever. In good and bad, that is just how things are. Remember that.
So 2021? I do not exactly have high hopes for this new year but... Can in be worse than 2020 Anno Domini? Heh. Even someone as pessimistic as I am doubts it. But I have been RUTHLESSLY surprised on more occasions than there EVER should be. 2020 Anno Domini WAS one of those occasions after all...
I really do not know what else to say... but 2020 Anno Domini? Burn. In. Hell.
As for 2021 and the future beyond, I understand your outlook, Covid won't disappear overnight and the world will always have new challenges for us to face, but the important thing to remember is that the end result of all this will taste that much sweeter when we pull through. I'm fond of saying humanity are like cockroaches in the sense we can survive through sheer will-power and resilience (for the record, I'm not calling anyone a cockroach (well, maybe Trump)).
With everything you've been through, your will-power and resilience make you stronger, and I believe you'll pull through with more experience to take life by the balls and make it your bitch.
Rant aside, roll on 2021, Happy New Year, and stay safe ^_^