yeeee, i use journals so rarely. The last time I wrote something was a year ago and I said thanks to you guys for staying with me for 2 years. ANd now this is 3 years and I still wanna say you big thanks for supporting me, filling my life with meaning. Yes, I draw nsfw and I am not like these famous artists who perpetuated their name in history with masterpieces. But still, I feel I do something important for many many people, I feel myself a little part of the life of all my watchers, and I am happy with that!
I believe that sometimes some of you opens your feed, notices my new art and it causes emotions for you when you watch it, this means for me that I left a “footprint” in your life and changed your life even for a little, even for a minute you spent to watch my art.

my mother always said that I must get children, left something after myself, do something for him and change his life, create life, she never understands that I do the same for thousand people, not so global for each one compared to growing children, but still important for me, so you all are like my childs haha. Same with work, I got a good education and I always meant to work in the construction industry, build something, and maybe get more money, but when I got what is meaning of life and how this society and public relations works, I realized that being only a small part of a huge construction process not so valuable as joy people directly, even a little, how can I even feel important and my labor is valuable when being just a little part of a company which built a house for sold on a mortgage or for overpricing, to cash in on a people's need for shelter. Happy for family, and a heavy burden at the same time. I will always feel as part of these people robbing. But now, with that, I experienced on myself how the Maslow pyramid works and I have been convinced of many things. Human is so difficult and can do so many things, money is not the final goal, is just a tool to get one step of this pyramid, love, and belonging, esteem, and self-actualization really exist and humanity needs all this because. I am feeling how this changes my life. I have a place to live, maybe not so cool and not much money but enough, normal food, not expensive, and I am still happy without this luxury or excess stuff. Because being important for people (even a little, even for a minute in a week) is more valuable than all mentioned before and all thanks to you!

Maybe I do not understand what real happy is, but that fact even after 3 years I still looking at view and favs numbers of my uploads, means something. Thus is stil same important for me as when I started and got my first 50, 100, 1000 art views. I could explain it "because i want more views" but i already geting 3000 views and more, and this is in ten times more than when I started, so no, i think real explanation is "just want people see my arts and be happy because this is important for me"