FA+
Shop
10 years since I graduated...
4 years ago
…. Oh boy… by the start of May of this year, it will mark my 10th anniversary since I finished college and got a Bachelor’s Writing…
WHAT. A. RIDE!
Naturally, it doesn’t seem THAT long to me, it feels more like roughly half of that without thinking about it too hard; but from the top of my head, it feels less than that… and I am not sure how to feel about that… Maybe working at my dayjob, just doing that one thing for days on end while waiting on a weekly paycheck to enjoy what I can afford to do/have, help blur the time altogether.
But yeah… it’s been 10 years since I finished school… And WHAT time to celebrate it…
Might as well try to get the worst of it out of the way and hope what good I have experience can get me through it all… that’s pretty much all I learned from 2020…
Not only was 2020 a difficult year to get through in general, but let’s be honest: The years before that one were pretty much warms up… we had things like favorite celebrities (be it big time or internet) being awful people, a good amount of quality in franchises took several major slips-ups/disappointments that upset fans, and a lot people we liked passed away. Just ask anyone about “any bad thing” for any given year and there is no doubt that they will check off at least all 3 things for that given year.
I would also mention general politics and over-the-top opinionated-outrage… but those have ALWAYS been a problem regardless of who and when, my experience for the decade being no exception. But now lets go into why my 10th Anniversary of my graduation has been horrible.
While I had the best hopes since accomplishing such a milestone of my life, I thought I would make the most of it… but it turns out harder than expected. As much as I wanted to make a living with my art skills and talents, as the internet has shown me a WIDE variety of opportunities to have; I did now I need to have stable dayjob before such dream can be reached… unfortunately, even with my education and work experiences, I couldn’t really get a job that DIDN’T require some influence from a relative who just happened work around the same place too. In fact, some of my co-workers even acknowledge that that’s how they got their jobs there too.
This is somewhat comforting to know that it’s not just me going through the rough patches of life. Still… I’ve been working at this retail store for a good amount of time now and while it’s a decent job with some good benefits… it is still rather troubling. Like we USED to get a quarterly retail bonus with our paychecks… but now that’s limited to upper- management now. And despite how good you can work there, you can’t really get full time with THE best benefits in my job position, and despite my attempts to cross train or move up, I have been sidelined on that for various reasons (Managers are on break, it’s the busy season, the slow season, ect.). Apparently I am NOT important enough to get full time pay but still significant enough that need me for the basic care when needed at the store and can’t risk having me be unavailable for it, which also runs risk of me having a 2nd job because of my availability hours… all of which sucks cause right now I REALLY need the money.
Thanks to supporting some artists in some really, Really, REALLY bad positions they are in… I kinda sunk a good chunk of my money just for them to get through a week in this crazy world, and in return, they seem to ghost me until they need MORE money, put off art commissions that said would get done within a week MONTHS ago, and just keep raking up art-credit and money debt that I that never seems to be returned or honored because they are in SUCH bad positions that they need more money from to make it through the week, and thus we’re stuck in a repetitive cycle that is based solely on me having earning A LOT of money to just give to them solely, which didn’t work at all. Hell, without my tax return and stimulus checks from this year, I would have nearly ANYTHING in my bank ATM… which sucks so much cause I still live with my folks, and I fear and dread the reality that once they are gone, it will be me and my brother struggling to cover basic bills with what little we would make together… we might even have to lose the home we grew in… this adds SO much pressure for me.
After graduation, my folks did try to me to apply work in the medical field as a Radiology technician via my local community college… except my scholarship money was well spent after the from first college outing, plus I have to learn a field of education that I had no real interest in, while doing a dayjob that took a lot out of me. Naturally, I didn’t really go far on that plan. I just BARELY got my bachelor’s degree in writing, and that was a subject I was actually into, but still needed a lot of work on my end to get it; and at this point of my life, I was tired of the basic school routine and needed to change things up to enjoy my passions and my life. Since then: I have wondered and asked myself: What am I doing? Where am I going? I am still searching the answers to these even now…
While I can qualify to be a teacher… but that field would barely give me anything more than what I have at my current job, if not adding MORE stress and pressure in my position for even less pay I can earn in retail.
My best hope ATM is to try to make SOME profit from my hobbies when I off the clock, such as drawing and making video content… but that is a struggle too. As I can’t really afford most new equipment outside of the ones I already have or just come free online to use… which even then I have to deal with set back like scheduling and technical difficulties that tends so show up (had HELL to deal with finalizing on WindowsMovieMaker for several videos). Plus the extra trouble with things like how merciless YouTube’s season can be, not to mention plans passed my initial hopes, having enough ideas and material to warrant to keep it going, much less for be paid for it all… but I feel like I shouldn’t try this route, due to the fact I seem to have little to ANY artistic impact with people.
As of late, I’ve notice that despite being online for since High School on various websites as a spectator and contributor of material … I seem to have little to no reaction with a general crowd. While I have and still making friends online, I have notice that I really seem to get a decent reaction from people. I do have followers and people do fave my work… it’s just that: Numbers and nothing else. And in an age with SO much content is presented to people, and with the most reactions I get can be seen as just rather simple impulse-actions: as a creator, this makes I feel like the stuff I make is rather generic if not just mental junkfood, something that is pleasing as a passing glance but soon forgotten as soon as you look away.
I’ve seen friends whose art and journals get a good amount of comments and REAL reactions from others, some of which got the “honor” to get their art stolen and passed being done by some random jerk, a sign that their ideas are good and worth enough to be stolen as something of value. THEN YOU GET to me… and outside from a comment from a close friend, and a holiday/birthday journal post… I get nothing…. This really strike me hard last year where in October I drew a lot for Toontober, and while I posted on at least 3 sites, I only got a handful of comments. But a friend who was offline for a good few years posted a few pictures that month too, but A LOT of comments for them. Admittedly, he is more talented than me; but it still shows that despite being active compared to his absence, I really don’t have the same impact with same crowd… Hell, even when I commission talented artists to make my ideas into a reality, they don’t get much comments either, even in the artist’s gallery… this really demotivates me for more projects… that and the fact commissioning has gotten too hard to do nowadays…
Now: I should really hammer this in. RESPECT how artists allow themselves to be commission by you! Be it their price range or how they accept requests, as long as they do the work you like in a timely and professional manner, you have NO grounds to complain about them. PERIOD
With that being said: it just has been harder for me to get a commission anymore. Everyone I know is either out of my payrange for a piece, or waiting queues for them are not only months longs, but in my experience; those tend to be the worst due to window rooms of ton of things going wrong (like the an emergency comes up for me or the artist, so the whole thing is called off), or it just so long that they forget I am even on queue itself, which adds MORE baggage to my self-esteem that even when I PAYING for my ideas to be done, they are easily forgotten regardless. Timing and Luck is also a HUGE factor to this problem: Some artists I know open up at random times, and have it be first come and first serve, they get filled up within 5-mins of posting; other artists I know open regularly at a given time with the week like clockwork… but it happens when I am at work and can’t make it, and when I am off on those days, they’re not taking it at the time…
Rest of the time: it feels like being part of a demanding game-show. Quick to the buzzer to the chance of getting called on, sometimes done on impulse before you have the chance to think it through. Provide a ton of detail and references that you HAVE on hand, sometimes done in a very limited way, as well limited your own expectations when they provide more limitations you were not expecting too, all the while dealing with a lot of other people too. And ALL of that is just for the RANDOM chance to be selected.
Again: I have nothing but respect for artists: they deal with A LOT of demanding people in order to make a living, and I see myself as that demanding too. I am just venting how something simple to me has gotten harder and more complex that it seems to lost it’s charm now… and that’s a BIG take away with current times…
SO yeah… that’s been my life since Post College: I am poorer now than when I started, the pressure to earn a decent living is IMMENSE with little means to cover it, I am wrestling a lot of self-doubt and uncertainty. Things I used to enjoy are losing their appeal to me. And even with among groups of people with the same quirks and interests as me: I do feel like the odd man out.
….so… what good have I done among this time of crapulence?
Well… my brother named me God Parent to his first born. That’s a great honor that I will try to live up to… I manage to reach out and contact with some people on an individual level than a whole group. I manage to get some of my ideas done that I couldn’t have done before. And I can say while my art may have not left a BIG impact with a crowd… it did manage to touch and inspired a few others, which is an awesome feeling regardless how it pays off for me in the end.
Yeah… I know I have negative A LOT for this journal piece… but maybe it’s just the emotional baggage from the last few years taking a toll on me. 2021 has taken a bit out of me too here. In the end, I don’t know what the future has for me, much like when I graduated way back when. And while I do wish I have better achievements under my belt since that time, they’re never as easy they would one suspect. Regardless: All I can do is try my best, and with the support from my family and friends, I might just make it out okay… and as sad as it sounds: Doing “okay” is the best wish for MANY people want in life…
Thanks for reading this. Stay safe, stay sane, be kind, wash your hands, and get your shots.
WHAT. A. RIDE!
Naturally, it doesn’t seem THAT long to me, it feels more like roughly half of that without thinking about it too hard; but from the top of my head, it feels less than that… and I am not sure how to feel about that… Maybe working at my dayjob, just doing that one thing for days on end while waiting on a weekly paycheck to enjoy what I can afford to do/have, help blur the time altogether.
But yeah… it’s been 10 years since I finished school… And WHAT time to celebrate it…
Might as well try to get the worst of it out of the way and hope what good I have experience can get me through it all… that’s pretty much all I learned from 2020…
Not only was 2020 a difficult year to get through in general, but let’s be honest: The years before that one were pretty much warms up… we had things like favorite celebrities (be it big time or internet) being awful people, a good amount of quality in franchises took several major slips-ups/disappointments that upset fans, and a lot people we liked passed away. Just ask anyone about “any bad thing” for any given year and there is no doubt that they will check off at least all 3 things for that given year.
I would also mention general politics and over-the-top opinionated-outrage… but those have ALWAYS been a problem regardless of who and when, my experience for the decade being no exception. But now lets go into why my 10th Anniversary of my graduation has been horrible.
While I had the best hopes since accomplishing such a milestone of my life, I thought I would make the most of it… but it turns out harder than expected. As much as I wanted to make a living with my art skills and talents, as the internet has shown me a WIDE variety of opportunities to have; I did now I need to have stable dayjob before such dream can be reached… unfortunately, even with my education and work experiences, I couldn’t really get a job that DIDN’T require some influence from a relative who just happened work around the same place too. In fact, some of my co-workers even acknowledge that that’s how they got their jobs there too.
This is somewhat comforting to know that it’s not just me going through the rough patches of life. Still… I’ve been working at this retail store for a good amount of time now and while it’s a decent job with some good benefits… it is still rather troubling. Like we USED to get a quarterly retail bonus with our paychecks… but now that’s limited to upper- management now. And despite how good you can work there, you can’t really get full time with THE best benefits in my job position, and despite my attempts to cross train or move up, I have been sidelined on that for various reasons (Managers are on break, it’s the busy season, the slow season, ect.). Apparently I am NOT important enough to get full time pay but still significant enough that need me for the basic care when needed at the store and can’t risk having me be unavailable for it, which also runs risk of me having a 2nd job because of my availability hours… all of which sucks cause right now I REALLY need the money.
Thanks to supporting some artists in some really, Really, REALLY bad positions they are in… I kinda sunk a good chunk of my money just for them to get through a week in this crazy world, and in return, they seem to ghost me until they need MORE money, put off art commissions that said would get done within a week MONTHS ago, and just keep raking up art-credit and money debt that I that never seems to be returned or honored because they are in SUCH bad positions that they need more money from to make it through the week, and thus we’re stuck in a repetitive cycle that is based solely on me having earning A LOT of money to just give to them solely, which didn’t work at all. Hell, without my tax return and stimulus checks from this year, I would have nearly ANYTHING in my bank ATM… which sucks so much cause I still live with my folks, and I fear and dread the reality that once they are gone, it will be me and my brother struggling to cover basic bills with what little we would make together… we might even have to lose the home we grew in… this adds SO much pressure for me.
After graduation, my folks did try to me to apply work in the medical field as a Radiology technician via my local community college… except my scholarship money was well spent after the from first college outing, plus I have to learn a field of education that I had no real interest in, while doing a dayjob that took a lot out of me. Naturally, I didn’t really go far on that plan. I just BARELY got my bachelor’s degree in writing, and that was a subject I was actually into, but still needed a lot of work on my end to get it; and at this point of my life, I was tired of the basic school routine and needed to change things up to enjoy my passions and my life. Since then: I have wondered and asked myself: What am I doing? Where am I going? I am still searching the answers to these even now…
While I can qualify to be a teacher… but that field would barely give me anything more than what I have at my current job, if not adding MORE stress and pressure in my position for even less pay I can earn in retail.
My best hope ATM is to try to make SOME profit from my hobbies when I off the clock, such as drawing and making video content… but that is a struggle too. As I can’t really afford most new equipment outside of the ones I already have or just come free online to use… which even then I have to deal with set back like scheduling and technical difficulties that tends so show up (had HELL to deal with finalizing on WindowsMovieMaker for several videos). Plus the extra trouble with things like how merciless YouTube’s season can be, not to mention plans passed my initial hopes, having enough ideas and material to warrant to keep it going, much less for be paid for it all… but I feel like I shouldn’t try this route, due to the fact I seem to have little to ANY artistic impact with people.
As of late, I’ve notice that despite being online for since High School on various websites as a spectator and contributor of material … I seem to have little to no reaction with a general crowd. While I have and still making friends online, I have notice that I really seem to get a decent reaction from people. I do have followers and people do fave my work… it’s just that: Numbers and nothing else. And in an age with SO much content is presented to people, and with the most reactions I get can be seen as just rather simple impulse-actions: as a creator, this makes I feel like the stuff I make is rather generic if not just mental junkfood, something that is pleasing as a passing glance but soon forgotten as soon as you look away.
I’ve seen friends whose art and journals get a good amount of comments and REAL reactions from others, some of which got the “honor” to get their art stolen and passed being done by some random jerk, a sign that their ideas are good and worth enough to be stolen as something of value. THEN YOU GET to me… and outside from a comment from a close friend, and a holiday/birthday journal post… I get nothing…. This really strike me hard last year where in October I drew a lot for Toontober, and while I posted on at least 3 sites, I only got a handful of comments. But a friend who was offline for a good few years posted a few pictures that month too, but A LOT of comments for them. Admittedly, he is more talented than me; but it still shows that despite being active compared to his absence, I really don’t have the same impact with same crowd… Hell, even when I commission talented artists to make my ideas into a reality, they don’t get much comments either, even in the artist’s gallery… this really demotivates me for more projects… that and the fact commissioning has gotten too hard to do nowadays…
Now: I should really hammer this in. RESPECT how artists allow themselves to be commission by you! Be it their price range or how they accept requests, as long as they do the work you like in a timely and professional manner, you have NO grounds to complain about them. PERIOD
With that being said: it just has been harder for me to get a commission anymore. Everyone I know is either out of my payrange for a piece, or waiting queues for them are not only months longs, but in my experience; those tend to be the worst due to window rooms of ton of things going wrong (like the an emergency comes up for me or the artist, so the whole thing is called off), or it just so long that they forget I am even on queue itself, which adds MORE baggage to my self-esteem that even when I PAYING for my ideas to be done, they are easily forgotten regardless. Timing and Luck is also a HUGE factor to this problem: Some artists I know open up at random times, and have it be first come and first serve, they get filled up within 5-mins of posting; other artists I know open regularly at a given time with the week like clockwork… but it happens when I am at work and can’t make it, and when I am off on those days, they’re not taking it at the time…
Rest of the time: it feels like being part of a demanding game-show. Quick to the buzzer to the chance of getting called on, sometimes done on impulse before you have the chance to think it through. Provide a ton of detail and references that you HAVE on hand, sometimes done in a very limited way, as well limited your own expectations when they provide more limitations you were not expecting too, all the while dealing with a lot of other people too. And ALL of that is just for the RANDOM chance to be selected.
Again: I have nothing but respect for artists: they deal with A LOT of demanding people in order to make a living, and I see myself as that demanding too. I am just venting how something simple to me has gotten harder and more complex that it seems to lost it’s charm now… and that’s a BIG take away with current times…
SO yeah… that’s been my life since Post College: I am poorer now than when I started, the pressure to earn a decent living is IMMENSE with little means to cover it, I am wrestling a lot of self-doubt and uncertainty. Things I used to enjoy are losing their appeal to me. And even with among groups of people with the same quirks and interests as me: I do feel like the odd man out.
….so… what good have I done among this time of crapulence?
Well… my brother named me God Parent to his first born. That’s a great honor that I will try to live up to… I manage to reach out and contact with some people on an individual level than a whole group. I manage to get some of my ideas done that I couldn’t have done before. And I can say while my art may have not left a BIG impact with a crowd… it did manage to touch and inspired a few others, which is an awesome feeling regardless how it pays off for me in the end.
Yeah… I know I have negative A LOT for this journal piece… but maybe it’s just the emotional baggage from the last few years taking a toll on me. 2021 has taken a bit out of me too here. In the end, I don’t know what the future has for me, much like when I graduated way back when. And while I do wish I have better achievements under my belt since that time, they’re never as easy they would one suspect. Regardless: All I can do is try my best, and with the support from my family and friends, I might just make it out okay… and as sad as it sounds: Doing “okay” is the best wish for MANY people want in life…
Thanks for reading this. Stay safe, stay sane, be kind, wash your hands, and get your shots.
