Depression... it's something i've been dealing with for a while but not really showing people. I have a really stupid habit of comparing myself to other people, and it's been sorta killing me mentally. I've been trying to really improve on that part and convince myself that i can't compare myself to others, Really it's unfair, the comparisons i make. It's mostly to do with art skill because i often feel like i'm behind everyone, but I know that i *can't* compare myself to others, I can only compare myself to myself.

It's not easy getting a new mentality in your head though and i wish it was that simple. Pushing myself to continue art is extremely hard and I want to draw, but self comparison can be a piece of crap because it makes you not even want to try and give up. I've still been drawing though and i want to keep at it, but to be honest drawing used to be super fun when I had the mentality of being a "beginner", I have been drawing since... start of 2016 now? I don't know, and it's making me feel like i'm behind. Maybe i just learn slower than others, which i've been thinking is the case, though my fear of failure is probably the biggest fear I have.

I still enjoy drawing but it's harder to finish things nowadays. Especially because of the pandemic. The pandemic has been killing my mentality and I wish it didn't.

Mostly what i've been doing though during the pandemic is trying to help grow a VR platform called NeosVR. VR has kind of been my... escape from reality during the pandemic, and i literally haven't been out of the house since the beginning of this year (or last year, i forget) ADHD is making it so time is non-existent. Hours can feel like a few minutes to me, and... to be honest I'm writing this journal at 8:22 in the morning and i have yet to sleep.

I honestly feel like i'm losing my mind. I don't want to become crazy at all or anything but... all of this shit just because of a stupid virus. I didn't know staying indoors for so long could do this to me. Life was going great until COVID-19 hit, Right before it hit I had a cool teaching job, I was doing great with university, I was drawing a lot, I loved most things about how my life was going. I was on task, I was punctual, I was doing amazing stuff, I was out and about every day doing things, went to a convention, It was amazing. But then covid 19 showed up. Screw covid 19.