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What next?
4 years ago
Time passes on, and despite being different people, different challenges, goals, obstacles, you name them...
Nothing truly changes from blindy pushing towards to this seemingly endless race to... "sucess", "happiness", I know these are quite different for each of us.
Yet... I can't for some reason... find anything...
It might be due to how low self-steem I had throughout my life, as far as I can remember. Most of the things I do, is for others, with... little regard of myself.
I can think of something I could do for somebody to make them their happier. But when it comes to me... I can't really think of anything. Maybe I never give myself a time nor gave myself a chance to actually think about... "what now? what about me?"
I'm just... confused... and it's becoming anxiety... anger... frustration... sadness... fear... and... I want to believe this ain't the right thing... but slowly turning into self-harming tendencies... or worse... doing that to others.
My mind becomes dizzy whenever I think of these... and I just run, avoid thinking of 'em. I know it's pointless... at some time, something's gotta be done 'bout it... but I just feel overwhelm, I dunno what first step to take.
On the bright side... I every now and then run into people so kind that I get little lighting of hope for all the ordeals that I came across... mentally...
This little energy... at least it makes me feel alive... I hope it continues, I'm not sure what can go down... when it lights out...
Nothing truly changes from blindy pushing towards to this seemingly endless race to... "sucess", "happiness", I know these are quite different for each of us.
Yet... I can't for some reason... find anything...
It might be due to how low self-steem I had throughout my life, as far as I can remember. Most of the things I do, is for others, with... little regard of myself.
I can think of something I could do for somebody to make them their happier. But when it comes to me... I can't really think of anything. Maybe I never give myself a time nor gave myself a chance to actually think about... "what now? what about me?"
I'm just... confused... and it's becoming anxiety... anger... frustration... sadness... fear... and... I want to believe this ain't the right thing... but slowly turning into self-harming tendencies... or worse... doing that to others.
My mind becomes dizzy whenever I think of these... and I just run, avoid thinking of 'em. I know it's pointless... at some time, something's gotta be done 'bout it... but I just feel overwhelm, I dunno what first step to take.
On the bright side... I every now and then run into people so kind that I get little lighting of hope for all the ordeals that I came across... mentally...
This little energy... at least it makes me feel alive... I hope it continues, I'm not sure what can go down... when it lights out...
