..you just dont fit in anywhere.

I try to be social online but I mostly feel invisible or just get ignored. Even in groups where you think I would have common interests. I know I'm not good at online social stuff because of my humor. I think I should be a lurker.

But, even with RL friends sometimes I feel like I'm just out here by myself. I live alone so I just kinda stew here at home in my loneliness.

Plus when I do get approached I get used and abused. And when I protest saying, "Is it my turn yet to get the attention", something comes up and it ends.

I really feel pretty worthless. I'm pretty depressed. And nobody seems to even notice.

Arye was the social one that made me do social things. I really miss him.

I'm getting older and i put myself out there, but it just doesn't seem to get easier with age.

Would anyone even notice if I just stopped showing up? I wonder. I do have a fear that I will die in this house and nobody will notice. My cats will eat me.

I'm just hurting. Sorry for the depressing post, but I think I might just give up a while on stuff. The way I feel I really don't know what to do. Depression is kinda setting in. Blah.

And when I do find someone I like, guess what, they are taken. Or I just plain get ghosted.

I just need to take a deep breath.