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2 years ago
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I haven't written in a while because life has been really chaotic. I've barely been on social media I've barely been here or anywhere really. I'm currently sat in the back of a car starting my 7 hour journey back home and back to an almost normality. Life should get calmer after today.
Friday I was off to Edinburgh for a weekend with my sisters. I was looking forward to it but also really worried about it. Worried cause we had never done this before. Worried that we would fall into old roles. They left their kids and husbands behind it was just the four of us. I was worried we were gonna accidentally retraumatise each other talking about our childhoods etc and that's largely what we ended up doing, it was good to do but mentally really exhausting.
I got back to my house late Sunday then early Monday had to go into London for therapy training then back out and straight to Birmingham and then up to stockton on tees for a funeral.
I cried a lot. Mark was only 63 and I'd known them for 20 years. They had a very beautiful soul and was always helping people and being just really generous. Mark had another side of his life. Debbie. Debbie was sometimes my big sister sometimes an aunt figure. But always a playmate in some form or another. Had a cracking sense of imagination and humor and it's always strange going to funerals of friends where we are mingling with family who didn't know this extra side, this really important part of marks life. It felt unfair pretending that Debbie wasn't a thing. Although marks elderly sister at one point came up to me and said "You must be Sammy, Marks talked a lot about you. I know you knew Mark as Debbie, thank you for filling debbies life full of happiness"
I cried a lot again.
So that's all done. I feel so mentally drained but it's now just time to pick myself up and dust myself down and get on with everything I haven't been able to do. It's unlikely there will be a shine page this week as I haven't been able to draw one yet. But by next week life should be largely back to the usual swing.
Thank you for everyone's patience.
Friday I was off to Edinburgh for a weekend with my sisters. I was looking forward to it but also really worried about it. Worried cause we had never done this before. Worried that we would fall into old roles. They left their kids and husbands behind it was just the four of us. I was worried we were gonna accidentally retraumatise each other talking about our childhoods etc and that's largely what we ended up doing, it was good to do but mentally really exhausting.
I got back to my house late Sunday then early Monday had to go into London for therapy training then back out and straight to Birmingham and then up to stockton on tees for a funeral.
I cried a lot. Mark was only 63 and I'd known them for 20 years. They had a very beautiful soul and was always helping people and being just really generous. Mark had another side of his life. Debbie. Debbie was sometimes my big sister sometimes an aunt figure. But always a playmate in some form or another. Had a cracking sense of imagination and humor and it's always strange going to funerals of friends where we are mingling with family who didn't know this extra side, this really important part of marks life. It felt unfair pretending that Debbie wasn't a thing. Although marks elderly sister at one point came up to me and said "You must be Sammy, Marks talked a lot about you. I know you knew Mark as Debbie, thank you for filling debbies life full of happiness"
I cried a lot again.
So that's all done. I feel so mentally drained but it's now just time to pick myself up and dust myself down and get on with everything I haven't been able to do. It's unlikely there will be a shine page this week as I haven't been able to draw one yet. But by next week life should be largely back to the usual swing.
Thank you for everyone's patience.
and all that in under a week does indeed sound like a lot. Like A LOT LOT.
I hope things to return to some sort of normality but at least calmer again *hugs*
This goes to show that you are a wonderful person who continues to touch and influence many lives in a positive way.
I hope you are able to see and understand that part of your purpose for being her on this Earth at this moment, was to help and support your friend Debbie for those 20-years. Cherish that knowledge and the opportunity and keep them in your heart always.
Here's to life settling down for you a little bit. *Hugs* You got this!
We'll still be here when you're better. And as always, you know if you need to talk, I've got two ears more than willing to listen.
Be kind and compassionate to yourself after such an emotional ordeal. You deserve it. <3
🥺😢💙🩵
if its not, then just ignore the question
Also, you said it felt unfair pretending Debbie wasn't a thing.... But you, and at least one other, his sister, WERE mourning Debbie also. Considering that Debbie was only part of, not his whole life...It sounds like she got mourned and remembered too.
Take the time you need, Ms. Sammy. We will be here. My condolences on the loss of your friend(s).
I know it's hard to say goodbye to a good friend
Not going to change the record here; take your time, and don't forget to catch up with yourself!
Given some the stuff here earlier in the week to attend to it's probably as well I hadn't made arrangements to travelled down from here Stoke to Brum going the way you did as much as I'd of loved to had seen Mark/Debbies family.
It's always difficult where there are two identities one being not known by most of their family, both of us had the same experience when we attended our mutual friend Susan's funeral some years back trying to remember them as they were to us but often unable to talk about that side within earshot as it were.
Debbie as we knew her was a most generous person, generous with time, thought and care to all that entered her world from talking about interest, putting on with her partner the Dollies tea party, caring to talk to anyone who felt they needed to talk and a shoulder to cry on.
Never the great I Am.
It was nice that their elder sister did mention the difference you made to their life - it is so easy at times not pick up on the difference we make which need not be any massive gesture - being around, caring to listen to their concerns.
Don't concern yourself unduly with getting the comics out as you, person behind them matter -A LOT.
Just signing off and if you feel the voice behind this keyboard is tearful, then my dear you're not far wrong.
I'll miss her.
Regards and many many hugs,
Your friend, Jo.
It is so cool that Mark's sister know about Debbie, that really got that conversation and knows about that side.
Over here my little side is "Isabela" (my real name is Ana) and... well, my brother does not want anything to know about it, even it has been 3 times accidentally sees my little side (by art, by showing it, by knowing my couples are related into Abdl).
It will burn you inside knowing they're gone and the mourning will hurt. Their life though lives on in you. The one who knew both Mark and Debbie. Move forward because your aunt, your brother, and your friend would want that. Crying just let's ypu know you miss them. Memories let you know they loved you.
You're showing a lot of strength - but I hope you let yourself take as much time as you need <3 I'm always here if you want to talk