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I havent written in here in a while
3 days ago
Stuff here is going okay. Just wanted to check in with folk and say hi.
I've been in a weird fluctuating kinda energy level place for a month or so now where I get high bursts of Oh I should organise some meets and connect people together and do all these really cool ideas I have, to then...heck I dont wanna get out of bed but I have client work to do and people need help etc etc etc....
Last weekend I did a full 2 day course on mental health first aid, which basically qualifies me to go up to strangers and say "hey are you alright?" It was intense, I'm not gonna lie, and put me in quite a reflective place afterwards thinking about people I've lost through their mental health struggles. Wanting to kinda wrap everyone in blankets and keep everyone safe and knowing what an mammoth task that is.
I'm also trying to end with my current therapist. I'm done with her, Ive been with her 3 years and want to find someone new to explore the difference and try different types of therapy, but she keeps twisting stuff so that I stay just a little longer over and over, so I'm trying to do this gently for her but um....thats where im falling I think, im trying to do it for her....That's not how therapy should work, so im gonna have to be firm with her and say no. im not coming anymore we're done. BUt I think she needs the money and I've somehow made that my problem. So yeah gonna hafta be blunt with her on Monday and see how that goes. I can already feel the challenge there as a people pleaser, but I also recognise that the powerplay here is that in a way she's being quite manipulative. It's tricky.
Ive also noticed an uptick in my little side, like she feels much closer to just popping out of me these days I dont know if its because of the resumation of my other comic Found, or what's going on, but I just feel small a lot at the moment, possibly due to feeling mentally drained a lot recently. A lot of rl friends knowing i have counselling training are suddenly telling me a lot of personal stuff and im having to go "whoa there I'm not your therapist should you really be telling me this intimate detail about your sex life?" and they're just like yehyehyeh its all good....and im thinking folk are just chosing to hear what they want...
So I feel quite..yeh...fizzled.
I started playing FFXIV as a way to grind/stop thinking for a bit and thats been a nice distraction. and I feel quite cosy there no one telling me confidential stuff though I realised in a way doing fetch quests is still helping folk out...its just quicker easier dopamine lol Less stress if i cancel a quest.
It's all good I hope its going okay for you.
I've been in a weird fluctuating kinda energy level place for a month or so now where I get high bursts of Oh I should organise some meets and connect people together and do all these really cool ideas I have, to then...heck I dont wanna get out of bed but I have client work to do and people need help etc etc etc....
Last weekend I did a full 2 day course on mental health first aid, which basically qualifies me to go up to strangers and say "hey are you alright?" It was intense, I'm not gonna lie, and put me in quite a reflective place afterwards thinking about people I've lost through their mental health struggles. Wanting to kinda wrap everyone in blankets and keep everyone safe and knowing what an mammoth task that is.
I'm also trying to end with my current therapist. I'm done with her, Ive been with her 3 years and want to find someone new to explore the difference and try different types of therapy, but she keeps twisting stuff so that I stay just a little longer over and over, so I'm trying to do this gently for her but um....thats where im falling I think, im trying to do it for her....That's not how therapy should work, so im gonna have to be firm with her and say no. im not coming anymore we're done. BUt I think she needs the money and I've somehow made that my problem. So yeah gonna hafta be blunt with her on Monday and see how that goes. I can already feel the challenge there as a people pleaser, but I also recognise that the powerplay here is that in a way she's being quite manipulative. It's tricky.
Ive also noticed an uptick in my little side, like she feels much closer to just popping out of me these days I dont know if its because of the resumation of my other comic Found, or what's going on, but I just feel small a lot at the moment, possibly due to feeling mentally drained a lot recently. A lot of rl friends knowing i have counselling training are suddenly telling me a lot of personal stuff and im having to go "whoa there I'm not your therapist should you really be telling me this intimate detail about your sex life?" and they're just like yehyehyeh its all good....and im thinking folk are just chosing to hear what they want...
So I feel quite..yeh...fizzled.
I started playing FFXIV as a way to grind/stop thinking for a bit and thats been a nice distraction. and I feel quite cosy there no one telling me confidential stuff though I realised in a way doing fetch quests is still helping folk out...its just quicker easier dopamine lol Less stress if i cancel a quest.
It's all good I hope its going okay for you.
All kidding aside, hopefully the whole "meatspace friends telling me stuff" isn't about you being a therapist as much as just... them being your friends and trusting you. :x
And best of luck with your therapist. :S
*hugs*
Kind of like, "Oh, you're a doctor? I've been having this really weird symptom right here, it kinda comes and goes, and--"
"My doctorate is in Old English manuscripts."
I suppose your friends think with your schooling, you are a safe person to talk about more personal things with. I know over here in the US, safe places and safe people seem far and few.
I'd never treat you that way.
I remember being annoyed when it got to the role play part. My RP partners were so bad at it. We had to role play talking to an alcoholic about being concerned about their drinking. Everyone was just like "yeah, my drinking has gotten out of hand, thank you for helping me notice it".
Uh... no. That's not how it happens. It's more like "Oh yeah? You were drunk just last week, and you don't see me making a big deal out of it. Or the time you puked all over the carpet. You always think you're SO put together. Well you're not. I have a drink here or there. Everyone does it. You're just so high and mighty you need someone to "fix". Well I don't need to be fixed, you have the problem. You can screw all the way off." *kick chair, storm out and slam door*
(Just kidding. Just was his reaction when I was a teen so just making a joke because sadly your right. I have done a bunch of those and we are always an ass for bringing it up.)
I happen to have a ton of friends in the health field. The few times I've asked about a health problem (do I really need to take that much viatimn D ?) I made it clear they can say no or deny discussing it. If your friends can't understand how precarious those actions are to them and yourself, you may need to moved to firmer boundaries.
Wishing you free time and more chilled days to let the little side out.
Well done on getting qualified as mental first aider. Hopefully you will be able to make that difference in someone's life when they are at possibly their lowest ebb.
I'm glad your little side is popping out more and hopefully give you those times you need.
You're naturally lives to help people, and when you have got that title, people do open up hoping you have advice. Doctors get it, and even us techs. It gets a little annoying when my job switch is set to 'OFF'! Haha Just make sure you have your own terms.
Take care 🐨
Sooooo I used to be a volunteer medic. Mental health first aid training is indeed... not very useful, because when a person is in trauma they need so much more than (if not the opposite of) the training to just call the police to drag them away, but that's the dominant narrative. So I'd love to just like.... validate your feelings that this didn't feel right, particularly since you like, KNOW BETTER. I don't know if it helps any, but how I was able to reconcile it in my brain as a technique only suitable for absolute strangers, when you can't spend more than like 15 minutes on scene at best... with different stuff needed for anyone you do know better than that.
I know you don't know me from said rando, but I offer hugs if you want em, or you can ramble at me if you need some sort of ear. All the best.
And yeah, as much as someone may suddenly be eager to share, it's unfair to expect you to suddenly fill that role.
No matter what games you play - you decide what missions to accept and how much XP you need :P
Yay that your little side's coming out more could be cuz things quieted down in your life that your little side's popping out more. I mean I find it much easier to be little when I'm on vacation than I don't have to worry about doing anything.
Yay final Fantasy 14! If there's some things that are too grindy for you, I'll gladly give you a hand with them, especially the riding air currents. I have a multi-seater mount so I can easily help you cuz some of them. Yes, I've obtained them all the hard way but it's honestly a pain in the butt. Cuz you know you got to climb a cliff somehow but yeah I will gladly help you
My only thing is is the story is incredible so pay attention to each of the cutscenes. They might seem boring now. Some of them but man is the story. Just good. That's all I can say without spoiling anything.