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Updates on my status, plans for the future, etc.
2 years ago
Hey everyone,
Hope you’re all doing well after my (very) extended absence.
The year is winding down to a close and I feel a little improvement in my mental state, so I figure this is a good opportunity for some long overdue updates, both personal and ‘professional’. While they’re both connected, you can skip to the lower section if you just want to know how this affects my art, commissions and all that stuff.
Personal Matters:
This year has been a mixed bag in terms of mental health. On one hand, I’ve been able to make gradual improvements thanks to receiving an official diagnosis that helped provide some context for my struggles, as well as plan a way forward. I’ve received medication and therapy which have made it much easier, and as always I am grateful for the continued support from those close to me to keep me going.
On the other hand, this is also an ongoing process of training good habits and self-discovery, and I have not gotten everything right on the first (or second, or third) try. The cycle of good times followed by extended periods of extreme burnout continues.
I will continue to try and improve, but right now I think that I need to adjust expectations to accommodate my current limitations. I’ve been more or less working off the conception of what a ‘normal’ person would be able to accomplish on a regular basis in terms of maintaining interpersonal relationships, doing work, and staying on top of other responsibilities. Most of my energy has been expended trying to figure out how to trick myself to achieve that pace. Unfortunately, the unavoidable truth is that I get mentally exhausted much more easily than other people. I can accomplish this pace for short periods of a time, but it is unsustainable as my reserves always run out in the end and I wind up crashing hard and finding it incredibly difficult to recover.
Progress in this case means I’ll be far more conservative with my time and energy. I’ll have to balance my goals and ambitions so that they are attainable despite my weaknesses. I imagine there will continue to be periods of difficulty and relapses, but hopefully by setting more realistic expectations I can manage them better than I had in the past.
Business™ Matters: (skip to here if you just want the important updates)
Basically, what entails from the stuff I mentioned before is that I’ll be operating a little differently going forth so I can accommodate my limitations while achieving my goals.
1. Ongoing Commissions and Waitlist
Despite difficulties in other areas, I’ve prioritized my limited energy on commission work and have been able to keep a decent pace on them. I’ve had a good track record this year in getting projects finished for clients not long after I start.
I’m still operating with the extended waitlist for commissions, though I will need to update the actual links to said waitlists to newer versions. This should be done relatively soon.
2. Commission Prices Update
Prices have been updated, and I’ll post the new commission sheet shortly. I’ve done my best to balance the fact I need commissions to support myself financially on a workload I can manage long-term without burnout, while also trying to keep things affordable for future commissioners. There may be further tweaks to the prices in the future, but for now I feel comfortable with how they are.
3. Uploading Art to Galleries
I’ve neglected updating art as I finish it, and my internalized ‘all or nothing’ attitude has delayed me fixing the backlog that has developed this year. The backlog will be uploaded piece-by-piece over the next indeterminate amount of time. Going forward I’ll try and find a good pattern of uploading so this doesn’t happen again: often enough that I don’t lose track of time but not so often that I can’t manage it. It’ll probably continue to be irregular for a while, as any patterns of organization I’m dealing with is still work-in-progress.
4. Communication, messages, and replies
First of all, I’ve set up a new email for commission discussion and other general questions: pastrycommissions[at]gmail.com
Secondly, most people who know me are probably aware how much I struggle with communication. It’s currently my main source of anxiety, and despite my best efforts there are points where I struggle so badly I completely ‘shut down’ for very long periods of time and default to avoiding everything and everyone. My energy and availability comes and goes, and the fact of the matter is that even casual conversations drain the same battery and use the same time that I am normally able to set aside for work and staying on top of responsibilities.
During periods where I’m busy or feeling drained I will have to prioritize work and work-related communication over everything else, no exceptions. These periods have lasted weeks and even months in the past, though hopefully they will become more minor as time goes on. While I will try to build a habit of checking-in so backlogs of messages won't build up, they will likely be infrequent most of the time and I cannot promise I'll be able to do more than say hi and answer some questions.
I apologize in advance if I come across as rude and inconsiderate for such behavior in the past and for any time this happens in the future. These withdrawals are entirely my own difficulties and not an indication of my opinion of those around me. I genuinely still enjoy chatting and receiving messages, and hope you can understand that is not my intention to push people away even if I’m unable to talk much at all.
5. Streams and Other Projects
While I hope that in the future I’ll be able to revisit ideas like art streams, requests or trades, I am too preoccupied with my tasks at hand to even guess when I will be able to return to such things.
If I have the time and energy I might do something randomly out of the blue, but please don’t take that as a sign that I’m able to do it with any regularity just yet. It’s fine to reach out and ask questions about these things, though I once again ask to temper your expectations and understand the answer will likely be ‘no’ for the foreseeable future.
Thank you all for your understanding and patience. <3
Hope you’re all doing well after my (very) extended absence.
The year is winding down to a close and I feel a little improvement in my mental state, so I figure this is a good opportunity for some long overdue updates, both personal and ‘professional’. While they’re both connected, you can skip to the lower section if you just want to know how this affects my art, commissions and all that stuff.
Personal Matters:
This year has been a mixed bag in terms of mental health. On one hand, I’ve been able to make gradual improvements thanks to receiving an official diagnosis that helped provide some context for my struggles, as well as plan a way forward. I’ve received medication and therapy which have made it much easier, and as always I am grateful for the continued support from those close to me to keep me going.
On the other hand, this is also an ongoing process of training good habits and self-discovery, and I have not gotten everything right on the first (or second, or third) try. The cycle of good times followed by extended periods of extreme burnout continues.
I will continue to try and improve, but right now I think that I need to adjust expectations to accommodate my current limitations. I’ve been more or less working off the conception of what a ‘normal’ person would be able to accomplish on a regular basis in terms of maintaining interpersonal relationships, doing work, and staying on top of other responsibilities. Most of my energy has been expended trying to figure out how to trick myself to achieve that pace. Unfortunately, the unavoidable truth is that I get mentally exhausted much more easily than other people. I can accomplish this pace for short periods of a time, but it is unsustainable as my reserves always run out in the end and I wind up crashing hard and finding it incredibly difficult to recover.
Progress in this case means I’ll be far more conservative with my time and energy. I’ll have to balance my goals and ambitions so that they are attainable despite my weaknesses. I imagine there will continue to be periods of difficulty and relapses, but hopefully by setting more realistic expectations I can manage them better than I had in the past.
Business™ Matters: (skip to here if you just want the important updates)
Basically, what entails from the stuff I mentioned before is that I’ll be operating a little differently going forth so I can accommodate my limitations while achieving my goals.
1. Ongoing Commissions and Waitlist
Despite difficulties in other areas, I’ve prioritized my limited energy on commission work and have been able to keep a decent pace on them. I’ve had a good track record this year in getting projects finished for clients not long after I start.
I’m still operating with the extended waitlist for commissions, though I will need to update the actual links to said waitlists to newer versions. This should be done relatively soon.
2. Commission Prices Update
Prices have been updated, and I’ll post the new commission sheet shortly. I’ve done my best to balance the fact I need commissions to support myself financially on a workload I can manage long-term without burnout, while also trying to keep things affordable for future commissioners. There may be further tweaks to the prices in the future, but for now I feel comfortable with how they are.
3. Uploading Art to Galleries
I’ve neglected updating art as I finish it, and my internalized ‘all or nothing’ attitude has delayed me fixing the backlog that has developed this year. The backlog will be uploaded piece-by-piece over the next indeterminate amount of time. Going forward I’ll try and find a good pattern of uploading so this doesn’t happen again: often enough that I don’t lose track of time but not so often that I can’t manage it. It’ll probably continue to be irregular for a while, as any patterns of organization I’m dealing with is still work-in-progress.
4. Communication, messages, and replies
First of all, I’ve set up a new email for commission discussion and other general questions: pastrycommissions[at]gmail.com
Secondly, most people who know me are probably aware how much I struggle with communication. It’s currently my main source of anxiety, and despite my best efforts there are points where I struggle so badly I completely ‘shut down’ for very long periods of time and default to avoiding everything and everyone. My energy and availability comes and goes, and the fact of the matter is that even casual conversations drain the same battery and use the same time that I am normally able to set aside for work and staying on top of responsibilities.
During periods where I’m busy or feeling drained I will have to prioritize work and work-related communication over everything else, no exceptions. These periods have lasted weeks and even months in the past, though hopefully they will become more minor as time goes on. While I will try to build a habit of checking-in so backlogs of messages won't build up, they will likely be infrequent most of the time and I cannot promise I'll be able to do more than say hi and answer some questions.
I apologize in advance if I come across as rude and inconsiderate for such behavior in the past and for any time this happens in the future. These withdrawals are entirely my own difficulties and not an indication of my opinion of those around me. I genuinely still enjoy chatting and receiving messages, and hope you can understand that is not my intention to push people away even if I’m unable to talk much at all.
5. Streams and Other Projects
While I hope that in the future I’ll be able to revisit ideas like art streams, requests or trades, I am too preoccupied with my tasks at hand to even guess when I will be able to return to such things.
If I have the time and energy I might do something randomly out of the blue, but please don’t take that as a sign that I’m able to do it with any regularity just yet. It’s fine to reach out and ask questions about these things, though I once again ask to temper your expectations and understand the answer will likely be ‘no’ for the foreseeable future.
Thank you all for your understanding and patience. <3
Hopefully the burnout will be easier to manage in the future, for both me and the other artists out there struggling with this kind of thing.
Hello. This is just a random nobody who appreciates what you do. As idiotic as I feel it sounds, it's nice to see that you've posted this journal entry. I am glad to see that even if it's not easy, you're doing your best. I will not lie, I was worried for the worst because of your prolonged absence. While it is unfortunate that you require medication, it's still a good thing that you're getting help for what you're going through. Yes, I understand that you need to create these routines for yourself, but remember to not exaggerate. Your well being is very important. Remember to ask for help when needed. And if it's not too intrusive into your personal life, maybe make another post like this every once in a while ? To know how you're doing. Hopefully it won't be long before you'll be in a better spot. Best wishes, good luck, and may your health improve significantly.
I might consider doing journal updates more often in the future. It might be a good way to keep people updated without spending too much time and energy staying in touch with everyone all the time, though I'm not sure yet. A lot how I plan to approach the future is still uncertain.