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New stories? Also question about ships
a year ago
I had ideas for new stories but I just got done with both a full-blown meltdown on twitter standing up for LGBT folks. At this point I don't care what the fight was about. I know what side of history I'm standing on. But it hurts to lose a friend that you've known for 15+ years.
Been quietly streaming on Twitch.
I had to quit RP because my tastes have changed and there were a few logistical issues involving the scenes I wanted to play. No, I don't want to talk about it, and no, I don't wish to RP.
There's also the fact that I spent the last half of last week in the hospital, laying there, mulling over my life choices and why I keep trying to engage folks that do not want to be interacted with. The point behind the things I used to love to do.
I thought about the folks that asked me for things I could not give. I thought about the folks who did not comment when they should have. And I realized it's not my fault. This time, no one can blame me for the shit going on. This isn't some problem I caused. This isn't something my family can bully me over.
I can't do shit in a vacuum. And I'm tired of pretending I should just "create for myself". Did you know that most creative types can't get off to their own stories or art? That's right.
I shouldn't be blamed and be told to "get better" when it was other people who decided to remain silent all along.
Alot of the RPs I was chasing... I had to abandon them. Reality bludgeoned me repeatedly until my body started eating my brain from the repeated emotional trauma. I just can't talk to people like I used to, and get what I need like I used to. At a certain age some artists and furries just...start getting lost in the crowd. They quit their hobbies, as I have done. But my OCs still exist, and they're still mine. I just simply don't have the time, energy or funds to "stay relevant" as it were.
It got to a point that I was even abandoning any story ideas with our Princess. I couldn't risk being hurt like I had been. I wanted to abandon all current storylines, because I was running out of gas and patience.
I have spent a lot of time asking "why am I doing this, it satisfies me in some ways but no one will ever know" and, more specifically in the gaming space, "Why am I doing this, people are being uncooperative, as they mostly have been, and I'm just supposed to climb the mountain alone, accomplish nothing that no one will witness, and think to myself "I could have tried to lose weight instead, or improved my life somehow, it would have made me happier."
I'm not content with creating for me, anymore. Further more, I'm not content with creating and getting shit done when it has no effect.
Last thing...
How problematic is a ship within a fandom involving twin cat-girl sisters of a nonhuman nature? It's happened at least twice within anime, and I just want to know how a story like that would be received.
But there in lies both my question and answer. 1) I will not get that answer, most likely. Furthermore, how am I supposed to make decisions about that stuff in a vacuum?
I may have done the right thing, but it hardly felt like a victory, and instead of feeling like a good person for standing up for what I believe in (human rights for everyone), it's left me feeling bitter. not against LGBT folks, they're fine. It's left me feeling bitter that even when I take action and I lose something major from my life, it has no effect, and the only feedback I get is getting hit with toxic shrapnel from the drama bomb.
I don't care about being validated for being a good person. I just want to know that something, -ANYTHING- I did creatively mattered to -SOMEONE- that I don't know or have spoken to.
I'm getting older, COVID has destroyed my plans for socializing. I'm just supposed to find a girl and settle down. Life is never as simple as that, and I have pushed back against that "peer pressure from dead people" for years.
Now I'm madly in love with a little alien lady with a starship, pointy ears, A big nose, big chest, big ass, big dick and a big heart. And the worst part is she can't tell me that she loves me for me, even the ugly parts. Because she's not real.
Been quietly streaming on Twitch.
I had to quit RP because my tastes have changed and there were a few logistical issues involving the scenes I wanted to play. No, I don't want to talk about it, and no, I don't wish to RP.
There's also the fact that I spent the last half of last week in the hospital, laying there, mulling over my life choices and why I keep trying to engage folks that do not want to be interacted with. The point behind the things I used to love to do.
I thought about the folks that asked me for things I could not give. I thought about the folks who did not comment when they should have. And I realized it's not my fault. This time, no one can blame me for the shit going on. This isn't some problem I caused. This isn't something my family can bully me over.
I can't do shit in a vacuum. And I'm tired of pretending I should just "create for myself". Did you know that most creative types can't get off to their own stories or art? That's right.
I shouldn't be blamed and be told to "get better" when it was other people who decided to remain silent all along.
Alot of the RPs I was chasing... I had to abandon them. Reality bludgeoned me repeatedly until my body started eating my brain from the repeated emotional trauma. I just can't talk to people like I used to, and get what I need like I used to. At a certain age some artists and furries just...start getting lost in the crowd. They quit their hobbies, as I have done. But my OCs still exist, and they're still mine. I just simply don't have the time, energy or funds to "stay relevant" as it were.
It got to a point that I was even abandoning any story ideas with our Princess. I couldn't risk being hurt like I had been. I wanted to abandon all current storylines, because I was running out of gas and patience.
I have spent a lot of time asking "why am I doing this, it satisfies me in some ways but no one will ever know" and, more specifically in the gaming space, "Why am I doing this, people are being uncooperative, as they mostly have been, and I'm just supposed to climb the mountain alone, accomplish nothing that no one will witness, and think to myself "I could have tried to lose weight instead, or improved my life somehow, it would have made me happier."
I'm not content with creating for me, anymore. Further more, I'm not content with creating and getting shit done when it has no effect.
Last thing...
How problematic is a ship within a fandom involving twin cat-girl sisters of a nonhuman nature? It's happened at least twice within anime, and I just want to know how a story like that would be received.
But there in lies both my question and answer. 1) I will not get that answer, most likely. Furthermore, how am I supposed to make decisions about that stuff in a vacuum?
I may have done the right thing, but it hardly felt like a victory, and instead of feeling like a good person for standing up for what I believe in (human rights for everyone), it's left me feeling bitter. not against LGBT folks, they're fine. It's left me feeling bitter that even when I take action and I lose something major from my life, it has no effect, and the only feedback I get is getting hit with toxic shrapnel from the drama bomb.
I don't care about being validated for being a good person. I just want to know that something, -ANYTHING- I did creatively mattered to -SOMEONE- that I don't know or have spoken to.
I'm getting older, COVID has destroyed my plans for socializing. I'm just supposed to find a girl and settle down. Life is never as simple as that, and I have pushed back against that "peer pressure from dead people" for years.
Now I'm madly in love with a little alien lady with a starship, pointy ears, A big nose, big chest, big ass, big dick and a big heart. And the worst part is she can't tell me that she loves me for me, even the ugly parts. Because she's not real.
