Another long rant/vent. So, don't read if you don't want to/care like I expect at this point anyways.

This shouldn't come as a surprise to me anymore and I think I've frankly done referring to anyone as any type of family. Since it seems like any time I had told someone they were like a sister or brother to me, they would just stab me in the back eventually and just walk away. No explanation, nothing. Which of course just leaves me feeling like the piece of crap in the end. I know there's plenty wrong with me, but like I said, there's never really an explanation for things. Granted, there's been a handful of times where I've seen that I "grew" different ways than them and just didn't click anymore. It's also amazing, but not surprising, on how no one wants to apparently talk about any of the issues brought up. I find it funny how I've seen other people make posts about how people should talk and work out their problems. But when I tell them it doesn't work for me, they're just flabbergasted. I guess that's just become the luck of the draw with me. Anyone I managed to become friends with just weren't interested in discussing problems and would rather just live in ignorance of things.

This specific instance still leaves me flabbergasted. At the same time though I guess I could have seen it coming and lived in my own blissful ignorance. Though it's also partially because I'd like to think it wouldn't go this way. I partially don't blame someone for just taking off because of their own issues and needing to deal with things on their own. It gets weird when said person thought I was mad at them for it? When I kept trying to get in contact with them and keep tabs on them the whole time? How in the world does that make sense? I should have seen everything happening from the start when I wasn't told they "came back" and were being active with people again. Alright, fine, there was the whole, "I thought you were mad at me" thought process, but still. But then it was becoming obvious that I didn't really matter anymore when once again things became a one sided friendship. Tried several times to talk about how I was feeling and about what was going on and once again it went nowhere. Ended up getting, "I went to bed because I thought we were done talking" and "I don't want to make any promises I know I'm not going to be able to keep". Who does that? They try with these other people that are in their streaming group, but I'm not in the "special" club I don't matter apparently. What kind of person will easily throw away a 15 year friendship and not even try to keep it going/fix it, but do anything they can to repair a several year friendship because it's convenient to them?

Anymore I think my issue is I've just had a bad time finding "good" friends. At least that's why I feel like I need to tell myself anymore. Because it's better than just calling myself a piece of garbage that isn't meant to be happy and have friends.

Either way, the one thing I will keep saying is that "being busy" is not an excuse as to why you don't contact someone. That's what I've heard from so many people anymore. Everyone is busy, just be honest and tell the person you don't want to talk to them. I'm busy with something or another a lot of times anymore, but the reason I don't contact people is the whole other issue where I was always the one to contact people first and no one would do it for me. Shit, with how telegram is you can't tell people you're "busy" when I can see that you've been on telegram and avoiding messaging me back.

So yeah, that's where we sit at this point. Another notch in the belt of people that have stabbbed me in the back. At least I've my own armory that I can just carry around with me at this point. >.>