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2 years ago
General
Im so sorry that ive written a few heavy journals in a row but this one is quite important to explain why things might be a bit wonky for a little bit.
(Cw:death)
First the nice bit...So the sex/gender/relationship weekend is over and it was really actually very good. The tutor was a trans woman who was just...amazing. I learnt a lot. She was really sensitive about all of it and a lot of the very straight monogamous folk in my class seem to have had their horizons somewhat broadened by the experience so it feels like a win all way round.
Something fairly catastrophic happened this morning though. I got a phone call this morning just as I was leaving for class. My sister phoned me to tell me my father had died.
He was on an urgent waiting list for a heart bypass operation and had been on that waiting list for a couple of years and we'll...guess he doesn't need that now.
I feel so angry and distressed about the whole thing.
On top of that it's mothering Sunday today and I sent my mum a huge bunch of flowers with a lovely card saying "hope you have a calm and wonderfully stressfree day" I assume they turned up some time during today as I couldn't find a way to cancel them and she basically woke up this morning to a ded husband in her bed.... ooooof.
I feel sick but I went to school I got into class 90 mins after being told the news. Tried to pretend everything was OK and then burst into tears. Bleurgh. Everyone was so lovely and warm and supportive and I was so grateful for that. But after that initial outburst I switched it all off and I think I've just been in shock ever since. I'm glad I was able to go to class. I talked quite a bit about my asexuality and quite a few folk had a lot of misconceptions about it so I'm really glad I went. It's very much been a useful distraction but yeah class is over now I'm on the train home and just knowing I'm gonna hafta face reality that my dad is gone and how that's probably going to bring a lot of disruption to my work. I'll need to go up to Scotland but working out how and when and just...yeah I'll keep folk up to date as I know more info. But yeah my emotions all feel very switched off right now kinda like a circuit breaker just overloaded and now it's fried. I'm sure that feeling won't be forever but I'm currently feeling grateful for that
(Cw:death)
First the nice bit...So the sex/gender/relationship weekend is over and it was really actually very good. The tutor was a trans woman who was just...amazing. I learnt a lot. She was really sensitive about all of it and a lot of the very straight monogamous folk in my class seem to have had their horizons somewhat broadened by the experience so it feels like a win all way round.
Something fairly catastrophic happened this morning though. I got a phone call this morning just as I was leaving for class. My sister phoned me to tell me my father had died.
He was on an urgent waiting list for a heart bypass operation and had been on that waiting list for a couple of years and we'll...guess he doesn't need that now.
I feel so angry and distressed about the whole thing.
On top of that it's mothering Sunday today and I sent my mum a huge bunch of flowers with a lovely card saying "hope you have a calm and wonderfully stressfree day" I assume they turned up some time during today as I couldn't find a way to cancel them and she basically woke up this morning to a ded husband in her bed.... ooooof.
I feel sick but I went to school I got into class 90 mins after being told the news. Tried to pretend everything was OK and then burst into tears. Bleurgh. Everyone was so lovely and warm and supportive and I was so grateful for that. But after that initial outburst I switched it all off and I think I've just been in shock ever since. I'm glad I was able to go to class. I talked quite a bit about my asexuality and quite a few folk had a lot of misconceptions about it so I'm really glad I went. It's very much been a useful distraction but yeah class is over now I'm on the train home and just knowing I'm gonna hafta face reality that my dad is gone and how that's probably going to bring a lot of disruption to my work. I'll need to go up to Scotland but working out how and when and just...yeah I'll keep folk up to date as I know more info. But yeah my emotions all feel very switched off right now kinda like a circuit breaker just overloaded and now it's fried. I'm sure that feeling won't be forever but I'm currently feeling grateful for that
It's been harder on my mom than me. She sometimes says my bird is a good distraction though.
Sincerely sorry for your loss..
My deepest condolences
I can't begin to imagine how this feels... but I wish you to find solace however you can, and grieve as you need to in this situation. :(
I'm glad to hear that your course went well, and that everyone was supportive.
I had no doubts you were going to be a star of that show, and while it might have been partly "for the wrong reason" due to your loss, the fact that you still went and helped other people understand different lifestyles is commendable. I hope you're at least proud of you for this, if nothing else.
Wishing you all the best, squig. <3
lost my mom in july last year and even now thinking about it I can't quite believe she's gons
*Hugs*
And I mean as much time as it takes. Grief is not on a schedule.
I'm sorry you lost your dad, Star. I lost mine in 1999 and it still feels like just yesterday. I hope you and your mom will be OK. She's going to need a lot of help and comforting in the coming weeks.
We will support you every step of the way. We love you. Please take as much time off as you need and we will be keeping you and your family in our thoughts.
My deepest condolences goes out to you and your family. If there is anything we can do for you, please don't hesitate to ask. *Gives Star big hugs*
its always traumatizing to lose a parent, even in my experience when i wasn't super close to my dad. its just... weird, to put it simply.
i wish you a comfortable recovery period, and please take all the time you need!
many hugs and much love to you and your family during this time.
i'm here if you need someone to talk to. even just to vent.
It's best to just to be open about it as your emotions are likely to be all over the place for a while and keep in close contact with your family even if like mine they have stuff we've struggled with as everyone is hurting .
With lots and lots of hugs,
Your friend, Jo, xxx
I hope you and your family are all doing OK...
Sorry to to hear of you and your families loss and am thinking of you.
Regards Chris.
*big warm sweet hug*
To that I will add only,
God bless and keep you and your family.
I just lost mine recently too so I know how you feel
If you need to vent you can hmu on here or twitter
It is important to take good care of yourself in these difficult times, take it easy with whatever isn't urgent.
As long as they don’t try and shove & force their lifestyle down peoples throat everyone can get along and live peacefully. My nephew came out as bisexual his lover is gay so what. Just don’t force people to acknowledge you about it you’ll be fine. I myself have worked with gay bi trans & a couple I’m still don’t know if there is a category for them. We got along had fun joked not sexual it’s a workplace.