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So. How it's going.
a year ago
General
Happy Easter.
Easter is all about renewal and rebirth and just you know stuff being born and new beginnings and It's usually one of my favorite times of year. The spring equinox, the pagan goddess Eostre – the goddess of spring and fertility. I hope everyone is having a nice weekend
I am wishing for some of that renewal of energy. I am feeling so lifeless and drained. My husband/daddy has been away since Friday, he comes back tonight, so I've been home alone, trying to sort myself out. It's...Um...not going so well.
Good Friday after my Husband had left for the weekend, my Mum was finally sectioned in a high security mental health ward. She'd been doing some really worrying and dangerous things, and It all came to a head Friday in the early hours in the morning. Truthfully I'm relieved she's now in there. Getting help and being monitored with her eating and meds and sleep But she's in there for a minimum of 28 days, during which my sisters have no choice but to move her house to a new place without her or she'll be paying for two rents...So when Mum finally gets out of hospital she wont be going back to her house....I don't know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. I feel a mix of joy and sorrow when I think about that.
I cried a lot on Friday. A LOT. I think knowing she was finally somewhere where she couldn't get hurt, suddenly opened up the chance to finally start thinking about Dad. Up until that point all my energy was being used up worrying about what manic things Mum would do next. Even at the funeral I was constantly making sure she was ok, so didn't get chance to really focus on Dad. So maybe some of that I can finally start doing.
But also, theres a huge amount of trauma I carry from having to help get my younger sister sectioned back when I was 20 or so. Mum didn't want to do it so I had to do most of the leg work with that, and mum just came in at the last moment to sign paperwork because obviously I couldnt do that part. So I think I cried a lot for my Sisters now having to do something similar with Mum.
I'm worried I havent drawn anything. Im hoping after the long weekend maybe...I mean 2moro is April so maybe thats a good place to Start. This year has been a bit of a dick so far, so I'm hoping maybe this renewal f energy and Start of a new month might hopefully start bringing that change.
Easter is all about renewal and rebirth and just you know stuff being born and new beginnings and It's usually one of my favorite times of year. The spring equinox, the pagan goddess Eostre – the goddess of spring and fertility. I hope everyone is having a nice weekend
I am wishing for some of that renewal of energy. I am feeling so lifeless and drained. My husband/daddy has been away since Friday, he comes back tonight, so I've been home alone, trying to sort myself out. It's...Um...not going so well.
Good Friday after my Husband had left for the weekend, my Mum was finally sectioned in a high security mental health ward. She'd been doing some really worrying and dangerous things, and It all came to a head Friday in the early hours in the morning. Truthfully I'm relieved she's now in there. Getting help and being monitored with her eating and meds and sleep But she's in there for a minimum of 28 days, during which my sisters have no choice but to move her house to a new place without her or she'll be paying for two rents...So when Mum finally gets out of hospital she wont be going back to her house....I don't know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. I feel a mix of joy and sorrow when I think about that.
I cried a lot on Friday. A LOT. I think knowing she was finally somewhere where she couldn't get hurt, suddenly opened up the chance to finally start thinking about Dad. Up until that point all my energy was being used up worrying about what manic things Mum would do next. Even at the funeral I was constantly making sure she was ok, so didn't get chance to really focus on Dad. So maybe some of that I can finally start doing.
But also, theres a huge amount of trauma I carry from having to help get my younger sister sectioned back when I was 20 or so. Mum didn't want to do it so I had to do most of the leg work with that, and mum just came in at the last moment to sign paperwork because obviously I couldnt do that part. So I think I cried a lot for my Sisters now having to do something similar with Mum.
I'm worried I havent drawn anything. Im hoping after the long weekend maybe...I mean 2moro is April so maybe thats a good place to Start. This year has been a bit of a dick so far, so I'm hoping maybe this renewal f energy and Start of a new month might hopefully start bringing that change.
So Paganism is a net positive, and many of us take it for granted.
As for the drama revolving around your parents, I whole-heartedly apologize. I just lost my mother... to a staff infection, and ensuing medical complications, of all things. Well, everything dies. I just wish I could have had her for longer, as now I am somewhat lost.
I'll need to up-root from my native land of Dixie and travel north. I'll need to move in with a good friend, but I won't be able to bring my little sister with me. It's unfortunate, but my family simply don't trust anyone I met/speak to online.
So, instead, my sister will be living with a piece-of-shit, seventh day adventist type. I know I shouldn't stereotype, but isn't that a fucking cult within Christendom? I believe most Christians would disavow it.
So, I'm carrying a lot of pain on my shoulder... we are the same, in this way.
But remember, my lass. That which doesn't kill you, will make you stronger. Do not lost heart. You will be just fine, so long as you put in the effort.
But it's a watershed and it maybe that you're feeling so long distance hugs from me.
Easter greetings too.
next year you'll remember it the 31/3
It's not easy with family stuff.
Please try to do things you enjoy.
Lost my dad 8 years ago.
Though he was not much of a father.
It's because you have a caring heart that it hurts. I'm Shure your mom misses your dad and wishes she's with him. That's tends to come to play. You may not know but your dad can visit you even if you don't know he's there. Hugs to you both.
The year has absolutely been a Richard Tracy - here's hoping the rest of it brings all the positivity you deserve <3