Today I am undulating with excitement, for this day I have the pleasure of announcing the launch of my long-awaited cryptocurrency $Goosecoin. This digital asset promises to be totally unlike any other we have yet seen. It promises to be disruptive and innovative and paradigm shifting in ways no one can yet imagine. I promise it will make you an incredible profit, clear up your acne, and separate your lights and dark for you on laundry day. Yes, I can promise you all these things.

$Goosecoin is the next generation of crypto. You can do anything with $Goosecoin. The only limitations is yourself. Aside from that, I don't really know what it is, but that doesn't seem to matter if I'm being frank with you. How can you get in on the ground floor of this exciting investment opportunity? That's easy. Just give me a lot of money. I'm not picky about the exact amount. I will then give you a ¥Goosecoin. You don't actually get anything, but I have a list on my fridge of everybody who has one. I will write your name on there as soon as I get around to it. So what are you waiting for? Don't miss out. Do it now.