Hmmmm
9 months ago
General
(this is kinda a depressing sort of journal so you dont really hafta rea it if you dont have the spoons)
Sorry for lack of CTN updates recently...A lot has kinda been going on and It's mostly burn out related.
I know I'm not american or anything but the stuff going on in the US really kinda swallowed me whole a bit. Like I dont even live there but seeing the stuff going on, doom scrolling at lightning speed...like...I dunno. It feels silly to say but I just see a bunch of school bullies getting away with being awful and hurting so many folk for the lulz. You know at school being taught cheaters never prosper, bullies never win...but seeing exactly that playing out in real time feels really hard to watch. Like the villians arent supposed to win.
And I'm seeing it with the clients I'm working with in my counselling placement, people feel hopeless with the world and I'm having to hold that with them and it's hard, just it's impacting everyone and everything, the poison seeps into areas you dont expect. Suddenly people get to be even more racist and homophobic and awful here in the UK because they're emboldened by whats going on in America.
It's just really depressing and trying to draw or be creative in that environment is quite hard.
I've been properly sick this past week in a way I haven't been since my first bout of Covid back in 2020. I tend not to get properly ill too often but this really messed me up, so I missed classes yesterday which maybe wasnt a bad thing as it also happened to be the 1 year anniversary of my dad dying, which kinda took my breath away in that a year went past so quickly.
It's all just been a tad overwhelming recently. All we can really do is be kind to one another, try and help our local communities and try to be strong for one another and I've been trying to do that for a while but what i've also not been doing very well is looking after myself and so I think it's important to do that too. Look after yourselves and be safe as you can be. I'm sorry it's hard out there right now and I love you all.
Sorry for lack of CTN updates recently...A lot has kinda been going on and It's mostly burn out related.
I know I'm not american or anything but the stuff going on in the US really kinda swallowed me whole a bit. Like I dont even live there but seeing the stuff going on, doom scrolling at lightning speed...like...I dunno. It feels silly to say but I just see a bunch of school bullies getting away with being awful and hurting so many folk for the lulz. You know at school being taught cheaters never prosper, bullies never win...but seeing exactly that playing out in real time feels really hard to watch. Like the villians arent supposed to win.
And I'm seeing it with the clients I'm working with in my counselling placement, people feel hopeless with the world and I'm having to hold that with them and it's hard, just it's impacting everyone and everything, the poison seeps into areas you dont expect. Suddenly people get to be even more racist and homophobic and awful here in the UK because they're emboldened by whats going on in America.
It's just really depressing and trying to draw or be creative in that environment is quite hard.
I've been properly sick this past week in a way I haven't been since my first bout of Covid back in 2020. I tend not to get properly ill too often but this really messed me up, so I missed classes yesterday which maybe wasnt a bad thing as it also happened to be the 1 year anniversary of my dad dying, which kinda took my breath away in that a year went past so quickly.
It's all just been a tad overwhelming recently. All we can really do is be kind to one another, try and help our local communities and try to be strong for one another and I've been trying to do that for a while but what i've also not been doing very well is looking after myself and so I think it's important to do that too. Look after yourselves and be safe as you can be. I'm sorry it's hard out there right now and I love you all.
FA+

We are in an active trade war, with many Canadian economists calling this "The Stupid Trade war" while Americans suffer, Canadians are weathering this economic war better.
Trump NEVER should have been elected... now my hope is that someone just shoots trump or elon...
or as the far left would call, a homophobe, which is ridiculous if you actually get to know me. ....are you actually promoting the use of violence to get your way politically, if they people you dont like get elected?
I hate people like you...
No seriously, I hate people that put words into peoples mouths and spout nonsense about a topic they are either too Ill informed about, or willfully ignorant about, so you will need to show me some proof about how Trump reinfoced Equality and Neutrality because unless you're blind or deaf or just plain stupid Trump has proven he's neither of these things.
Also Trump's NOT right wing? Really? Yeah he at one time WAS a democrat but he's been a GOP supporter and VERY right leaning since the 2000's and has been TRUMPiting the more extreme Right wing views since then.
also...
or as the far left would call, a homophobe, which is ridiculous if you actually get to know me
Well THAT raises a red flag, many times people bring that up it rarely ends well...
But also....
....are you actually promoting the use of violence to get your way politically, if they people you dont like get elected?
Don't put words in my mouth, Trump was NOT elected he cheated and even IF he was elected The fact I oppose his party is not why I am promoting the use of violence Against him and Musk, I'm promoting violence because He's a dictator, hes threatening National Security, he's ripped apart the things American's need to live and Operate, he continues to threaten the SOVEREIGNTY of 3 nations.
Yeah I disliked Bush in the 2000's but he didn't talk about taking over Canada, Greenland or the Panama every day of his presidency.
I disliked Stephen Harper when he was Prime Minister, But He didn't try to invade other nations or talk about invading other nations.
I urge you, take a long look at the mirror. Get help
Politics itself is violence to begin with. You cannot pass laws without violating someone's rights without consent and backing it up with a threat of gun violence. The winners get to send armed police to the losers homes to point guns at them because they are too chicken to do it themselves. Thus the loosers should do the same to defend themselves when necessary.
Self defense and force parity to that end is an inalienable human right. "Democracy" aka tyranny by mob rule does not supersede this right to self security.
Just LOL??? No.
This is what we call politics and democracy and act like its some sacred thing. The only thing sacred to me is my liberty and bodily autonomy and ability and tools to defend myself. Everything else is 💩.
Open source personal autonomous weapons swarms are soon going to allow outnumbered individuals to deter and defend themselves against entire agencies and armies and politics and governments will be meaningless.
When people vote against you or to ban or take something from you without consent, they are voting to send armed police to your home to point guns at you and kill you.
People have a right to defend themselves from coercion.
The sooner people understand this the better.
Nobody gets to threaten you with violence by proxy then play cute and innocent and hide behind the excuse of democracy aka tyranny by mob rule.
Will need to employ autonomous swarms and sentry weapons for the latter.
A big hug for you, my favourite comic writer
I hope you get to feeling better soon.
In other words life has its moments in hell but we've been through this before and well make it through again, because thats who we are, the weird kids not afraid to kick the bullies in the crotch and run away laughing
Times might be tough but i promise you we will pull though and as we sit in the restaurant at the end of the world drinks can be on me
And this isnt just a message for star but everyone here
Hope is a weapon, probably the mighyiest one of them all kingoms have been toppled by hope, the world marches on because of hope, its an ever rageing storm in all of us that cant be quelled
Push forward, little soldiers, for as long as we look towards a better future, we cannot loose
Be like the candle in the wind, or a light in the dark. As long as there is a little bit of hope left somewhere it might bring back the good into the world.
Anyway, I don't think anyone minds it when you gotta slow down a bit and take care of yourself, that's important and we all need that. Anyway, I hope you start feeling less stressed soon!
“Hope” is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -
And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -
I’ve heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet - never - in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of me.
-Emily Dickinson
Trump and the government cronies behind him are truly a sore storm, but I'm keeping hope alive. We will get through this, together. Hate is strong, but love will always be stronger. The government wants us to think we're weak and helpless, but we are strong together. Everyone who hates what is happening needs to become active and call their congressmen. Stand together and stand strong, keep hope alive.
Watch and note what people actually do.
That philosophy has never failed me.
Like when you're done with your client, leave their issues in the room y'all met in and don't bring it home with you, compartmentalize these things so you don't drown, you can't help save someone who is underwater of you yourself can't get your head above water either...
Maybe this will be seen as "privileged" or "not caring" or something else negative, but to me making sure you don't lose yourself to a really bad mental breakdown or otherwise massive depression episode is worth sp much more than being informed on the next big bad thing thrown at us.
I'm not saying "ignore everything bad in the world", nor am I saying to stop doomscrolling indefinitely, but just long enough to where it isn't this ugly dark cloud hanging over you 24/7 sapping your life energy like an emotional and mental vampire. You're allowed to take care of yourself and focus on yourself without it being a bad thing, and if people have issues with it, they need to understand boundaries and barriers are to be respected and recognized and you're not the world's emotional and mental whipping person, you're allowed to be free of this for a while.
As said I can't say much for the clientele side of things, but you don't have to carry that with you, you can leave it alone until the next meeting, you don't have to dedicate your life to a handful of people getting your help, you are allowed a life outside of them and outside of your counseling.
Be safe, and try to get some offline time, the internet is great at connecting us, but its a master at destroying us.
Again to anyone who wants to come at me looking for a fight and to call me names and treat me like shit over not wanting to live with the constant stream of bad news, please take into consideration that I have a 2 year old child that I need to be there for and they need me at my best and not a depressed husk of what I once was, I am keeping my mental and emotional health up because I don't want my child to suffer. I am not privileged, I am.not disregarding those in need, I am looking out for the most important person in my life, my child.
live are genuinely unfair day and day, it normal you cannot work properly when you are on burn out + frustration and the whole US thing happened and the bullies get this unfair Win.
that sad, but I would like to ask you this, you should take a long rest of few days, don't feel guilt here, burn out are not something that easy to heal (that takes years) and with other stuff you mention get inspiration for drawing are not hard, but genuinely Impossible.
If you trying to push yourself more you will find yourself on a stade of mind I personnally know and are terrible as much as a burn out. Don't force yourself because when that don't come that won't come push will make worse and you will start to lost taste of drawing.
What you do are great and enought good. your stronger than you thought Sammy, event when I stop come up because life is hard I know you have the will to make thing right, you have a true heart and a gift for your friends.
Life are unfaire from the whole beginning of the humanity and humain can do the worse, But also the best and can do many miracle and great thing together.
My grandmam told me once
"when the worse came up the good will come back soon, without bad thing in life we cannot truly taste the life we have in life."
you have to understand each bad thing little or greatly bad are a test of your resilience and determination, and when the challenge are here you have to remember it will not last forever and thing will get better someday only if you give yourself Hope.
I cannot give you a wise anwser but I wish you to feel better as well for the American people after those bad event. Nobody deserve what happened but when we get a scars it better to rest and work later, when you get better you can work again Sammy, just rest and don't let this bad new ruin your mind with guilt.
And one last thing. My genuinely condolence for your father Sammy, you have the right to crying and vent art for crying if you need, it none a weakness, it the true way to accept a emptiness in our hearts do what you need to express it don't do like I does on my own way and holding back, it not good for yourself. Rest Well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nH_h5C3YoTQ
How do you know which politicians are lying? They're the ones whose lips are moving.
Between the news and feeling ill, its understandable why you feel overwhelmed. Just take a breath and know we understand and can wait till you feel up to making comics and art again.
we have too many bozos in charge of too many important levers.
But don't worry :)
Starmer on PIP starts with some major misunderstandings such that's about the costs, the support you need for day to day living over what the so-called normal person has before work or or out of work benefits kick in. And the assessment errors are legendary.
Taking a day out to think and reflect about the loss of your Dad is no bad thing, I have bad days with that kind of thing and I wouldn't be surprised if you did too, so hugs.
Don't worry too much about journals - sometimes it can feel feel like a dog chasing tail thing - doing counts for more after looking after yourself first cos we can't do and create if we don't.
Hugs, Jo.
It is crazy depressing seeing everything going on, but don't let yourself drown in it. Stay aware yes, but don't doomscroll. Don't let the darkness win, continue to beam bright and be a shining beacon in-spite of that darkness. I know it's hard to do, but it's our best way to fight back right now. Don't give into that despair. Take the time you need to rest, distance yourself from the news as best you can for a bit, and re-center. Take care of yourself first, we'll all still be here for ya when you're ready. <3
And if the video I watch of the PM is true he’s taking a page out of trumps play book & it’s the united kingdom first. Like I said a roller coaster ride.
Honestly, switching from despair to motivated anger has helped a lot for me. I dunno if it's healthy long-term but at this point what is? At least the anger gets me out of bed LOL