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UPDATES: Might Have Discovered the Source of my Burnout
5 months ago
I've been burned out for at least 2 years now. I've been trying really hard to break out of it with help from my doctors and friends, but nothing has worked. I mentioned in my last journal that I had like 3 days where I felt normal again, like ME again. Where I could imagine and feel, have precious dopamine flow in my brain when I look upon a hotted furry, just... I felt like I used to feel years ago. It was incredible. But then it went away, and that feeling has not come back. Its been perplexing me and my doctors.
Until now.
We may have discovered the source of my mental and physical health issues: The number one reason why I've been worsening instead of improving: I have Sleep Apnea.
I was talking to my doctor about all of this, and after pondering for a moment, I could see something click for him. He immediately sent me to get tested for Sleep Apnea. If you don't know what Sleep Apnea is, it's a disorder where you frequently stop breathing while sleeping. This is bad for obvious reasons, but the big problem with it is that your body never goes into true REM sleep. This means you don't get rested, and your body isn't able to do a lot of the normal functions it needs to do while you rest. It prevents you from getting proper oxygen to your brain, screws up your metabolism, and can lead to severe mental health issues. As I have all these symptoms and more, my doctor got me tested immediately. The test gives you one point for each time you stop breathing in your sleep, then your score determines how severe your condition is. It's actually normal to have 1 - 4 points, while 5 - 15 points is considered moderate. I scored a 20. Now that's not SEVERE, but it's also not great. I absolutely have it, and as such, I will be getting a CPAP machine next week.
Some might be upset by a revelation like this. But I'm... actually incredibly excited. This could be it: This could be the reason I felt normal those 3 days. It might have been because somehow, I slept normally, and my body was able to heal. If this works... I can fucking be MYSELF again. I can feel again. Then I can finally get what I owe done, and start being active again like I used to. All I've wanted for these many long years is to be able to enjoy things again, to be able to mean something to all of you again, and if this can fix that... god it'd be incredible. I don't want to get my hopes up too high in case it doesn't work but... gotta have some hope right?
I just wanted to update y'all on what is going on. Hopefully this is the light at the end of the tunnel that I've desperately needed. I'm so close to being okay. I'm so fucking close. I'm so sorry its taken so long...
Until now.
We may have discovered the source of my mental and physical health issues: The number one reason why I've been worsening instead of improving: I have Sleep Apnea.
I was talking to my doctor about all of this, and after pondering for a moment, I could see something click for him. He immediately sent me to get tested for Sleep Apnea. If you don't know what Sleep Apnea is, it's a disorder where you frequently stop breathing while sleeping. This is bad for obvious reasons, but the big problem with it is that your body never goes into true REM sleep. This means you don't get rested, and your body isn't able to do a lot of the normal functions it needs to do while you rest. It prevents you from getting proper oxygen to your brain, screws up your metabolism, and can lead to severe mental health issues. As I have all these symptoms and more, my doctor got me tested immediately. The test gives you one point for each time you stop breathing in your sleep, then your score determines how severe your condition is. It's actually normal to have 1 - 4 points, while 5 - 15 points is considered moderate. I scored a 20. Now that's not SEVERE, but it's also not great. I absolutely have it, and as such, I will be getting a CPAP machine next week.
Some might be upset by a revelation like this. But I'm... actually incredibly excited. This could be it: This could be the reason I felt normal those 3 days. It might have been because somehow, I slept normally, and my body was able to heal. If this works... I can fucking be MYSELF again. I can feel again. Then I can finally get what I owe done, and start being active again like I used to. All I've wanted for these many long years is to be able to enjoy things again, to be able to mean something to all of you again, and if this can fix that... god it'd be incredible. I don't want to get my hopes up too high in case it doesn't work but... gotta have some hope right?
I just wanted to update y'all on what is going on. Hopefully this is the light at the end of the tunnel that I've desperately needed. I'm so close to being okay. I'm so fucking close. I'm so sorry its taken so long...
Getting the CPAP was quite literally life-changing--I woke up feeling rested and alert, and I had energy to do stuff and focus at work again.
A quick tip: there's a bunch of different options for masks/nose coverings, but if you can, see if you can get a hybrid mask that covers your mouth and the bottom of your nose, especially if you tend to breath through your mouth while you sleep. It's a lot more comfortable than a full mask.
Ooooo I will do that when I go for my fitting, thank you!
I suspect I might have mild sleep apnea myself. I know that if I sleep on my back, I sometimes find myself snorting awake because my tongue falls back into my throat, blocking the airway (I can't breathe through my nose, and haven't been able to since like 10 years old), so I usually just sleep on my side, but then I get sore if I do that, so I have to rotate between back and side. Would do both sides, but my right side's shoulder is fucked and I don't want to risk it.
So yeah, I get it. Sleep problems blow, and they make you tired and unstable. XD
It might be worth it to get tested. If you've got insurance and such I'd say go for it, wouldn't hurt and could make you feel much better ^^
And thank you <3