hey agian, i hope you're well. last journal i made was a bit bleak from what i can remember. but a lot of happened since then, i just wanted to talk about it.

first i wanna say thank you to everyone who reached out after my last journal, whether it was sharing your own story or checking up on me, thank you <3

while writing my last journal, i felt incredibly lost, as i always have my entire life. i remember seriously consdering quitting art and even quitting being online. everything felt like working at a factory for me. but after i wrote that journal, i started to realize through a series of events that a comfort and hope ive held onto my entire life (a personal escapism that kept me sane) was a lie, i remember at that moment i just shattered into a million pieces and all the repressed emotions ive carried with me my whole life surfaced, and i was able to experience them in their raw unfiltered forms, it was terrifying, as if the world was ending, ive never experienced anything like it. but after that, i felt equally intense and profound emotions, except they were love and beauty. i've never cried so much my entire life. ever since then i've realized more and more that i know now who i am and where i wanna go, it's okay to be who i am and feel these things, its why i'm here after all. i dont need to be anyone else to be liked, not everyone is going to like me and thats fine, the people that do are the ones who are worth keeping around. Im choosing for myself where home is, not whats assigned to me by someone else.

I’ve been mourning my broken past, I will never truly "get over it" and thats okay, maybe im not meant to, im just letting go of the shame of my trauma, not trauma itself. now I’m looking ahead to a brighter future, I feel like i've finally found myself. it’s bittersweet.

i love doing art now, i have a lot of ideas for what i wanna do moving forward. i feel happier than i ever have, and im greatful for being able to do art for a living, its such a privilage.

i know this is a cheesy journal and may sound awkward and even rub some people the wrong way. but im glad i'm able to be honest and even share it. thank you for reading