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Update on Things
6 months ago
You're actually going to read this? I admire you
So for those not in the know, my life has been turned into a chaotic hellscape that has derailed everything. But so much has happened, I thought it was worth posting an update with everything that has been going on.
As of this Thursday, I will have to be leaving my apartment. I was completely prepared to have to live out of my car for the foreseeable future. However, I managed to catch a break, was directed to a program where there are people who are charitable enough to take in people in my position. In simple terms, I am now a couch surfer for a while. This will at least keep me off the streets, and give me a fixed address, which is useful for job searching.
I do want to take a moment to thank everyone who donated money to me. It has kept my head above water. I hate doing e-begging, but in this situation, I have to take what I can get. I will promise each of you that have helped me out, once I have the ability, I will repay you in one way or another.
And sadly, I must repost my Ko-fi because I am now getting fucked by the American health insurance industry (in my state, you get fined if you aren't insured). So if anyone wants to continue donating, or just circulate the link, it is greatly appreciated.
https://ko-fi.com/M4M4BD9J
Now unfortunately I have to address some recent events that have occurred that you may be aware of if you follow me on Bluesky or were in certain Discord groups with me. I recently suffered what most would call a complete and utter crash-out. This would be understandable given the circumstances, but those of you who have known me for longer than a decade probably noticed something familiar about what was happening. I have been on medications to help with anxiety and depression for about 12 years now. Back in March, I found out I have ballooned up almost 100 lbs since going on this medication. This was partially due to the 2020 lockdown where I went an entire year without going outside, but one of the side effects of my medication was increased weight gain. To try to curb this, I started taking them at half doses. Then I lost my job, and with that my medical insurance. So I made the decision to go without once they ran out. This was a big mistake.
I fell back into all my old behaviors. Mood swings, panic attacks, lashing out, jealousy, just straight up lying about shit because my mind always wants to paint things in the worst possible way. Now I am not trying to make excuses for my behavior. I am responsible for my actions no matter what state of mind I am in. I made a bad decision, and now I have suffered the consequences. I upset a lot of people, and may have irreparably destroyed some friendships. All I can say is that I am so sorry. My situation is no excuse. My illness is no excuse. My past is no excuse. I hurt the people I care about the most. These are people that I love dearly, and this has left a deep wound in my soul. I can only hope that one day I will have the chance to truly apologize and atone for what I have done.
So where am I going from here? Well I've decided I am not going to give up. I want to keep going. I am throwing myself back into writing, and I want to do more art too. I also want to go back to streaming.
https://www.twitch.tv/foxyfriendbacklash
Granted, I had to store my gaming PC, and I only have a small laptop to work with. So games will be a bit on the low-tech side for a while. What I want to do are what I consider comfort games. Just stuff that will cheer me up.
I love you all, and I hope you are all well
As of this Thursday, I will have to be leaving my apartment. I was completely prepared to have to live out of my car for the foreseeable future. However, I managed to catch a break, was directed to a program where there are people who are charitable enough to take in people in my position. In simple terms, I am now a couch surfer for a while. This will at least keep me off the streets, and give me a fixed address, which is useful for job searching.
I do want to take a moment to thank everyone who donated money to me. It has kept my head above water. I hate doing e-begging, but in this situation, I have to take what I can get. I will promise each of you that have helped me out, once I have the ability, I will repay you in one way or another.
And sadly, I must repost my Ko-fi because I am now getting fucked by the American health insurance industry (in my state, you get fined if you aren't insured). So if anyone wants to continue donating, or just circulate the link, it is greatly appreciated.
https://ko-fi.com/M4M4BD9J
Now unfortunately I have to address some recent events that have occurred that you may be aware of if you follow me on Bluesky or were in certain Discord groups with me. I recently suffered what most would call a complete and utter crash-out. This would be understandable given the circumstances, but those of you who have known me for longer than a decade probably noticed something familiar about what was happening. I have been on medications to help with anxiety and depression for about 12 years now. Back in March, I found out I have ballooned up almost 100 lbs since going on this medication. This was partially due to the 2020 lockdown where I went an entire year without going outside, but one of the side effects of my medication was increased weight gain. To try to curb this, I started taking them at half doses. Then I lost my job, and with that my medical insurance. So I made the decision to go without once they ran out. This was a big mistake.
I fell back into all my old behaviors. Mood swings, panic attacks, lashing out, jealousy, just straight up lying about shit because my mind always wants to paint things in the worst possible way. Now I am not trying to make excuses for my behavior. I am responsible for my actions no matter what state of mind I am in. I made a bad decision, and now I have suffered the consequences. I upset a lot of people, and may have irreparably destroyed some friendships. All I can say is that I am so sorry. My situation is no excuse. My illness is no excuse. My past is no excuse. I hurt the people I care about the most. These are people that I love dearly, and this has left a deep wound in my soul. I can only hope that one day I will have the chance to truly apologize and atone for what I have done.
So where am I going from here? Well I've decided I am not going to give up. I want to keep going. I am throwing myself back into writing, and I want to do more art too. I also want to go back to streaming.
https://www.twitch.tv/foxyfriendbacklash
Granted, I had to store my gaming PC, and I only have a small laptop to work with. So games will be a bit on the low-tech side for a while. What I want to do are what I consider comfort games. Just stuff that will cheer me up.
I love you all, and I hope you are all well
I was also in your position and suffered the same repercussions.
What matters is that we must not let moments like this define our future. We have the chance to bounce back if we work hard enough to do it. :)