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Legal assisted suicide
3 months ago
http://www.dignitas.ch/?lang=en
Some of the content may be shocking, but I hope it will be respected because it is my choice.
I have had an unexplained mental condition for 30 years, and I feel the pain of living and creating anything because I keep repeating the cycle of "feeling that I will not accomplish anything and will crash" any more. I miss art and things from the past, but I have no work or requests, and I don't know how to find my passion. My eyes and body are also getting worse. Last year I had a pulmonary embolism due to self-neglect and almost died physically. The cause was lethargy and immobility due to mental illness. A year has passed since then, but I have lost what I want to draw, what makes me happy, and connections with people, and the rate is increasing every year. (irreversible in my awareness) I wanted to choose death while I was still barely sane and could choose it, so I contacted a Swiss assisted suicide organization (Dignitas).
I read through all the information in the pamphlets they responded. I knew that a doctor's cooperation was essential, so I consulted my doctor first. However, my doctor said that Japanese psychiatrists would not be able to prepare the paperwork to cooperate with assisted suicide, and at least I would not, so I had to find a doctor who could. I felt hopeless. How should I find a doctor and convince him? I have not shown her the Dignitas pamphlet yet, so I will translate and print it out and take it next time.
Also, the pamphlet said to tell people close to me, but my family was against it, and bipoler family got anxiety by it. I don't know whether I should tell my friends with whom I have little contact. I feel that it would be better to disappear from this world in silence, even pamphlet said do not silence to close people. This may be a characteristic of our country, but anyway, I am terribly alone in this respect, because I have been suffering for more than 30 years and appear to be healthy.
I once tried to hang myself, but I remember it was very painful. Also, what would my family think if they found my body? If I jumped in front of a train or fell from a high place, it would harm many people. I don't want to take that approach, but would rather choose a painless death of my own volition. There are no systems or people around me who can realistically think about this, and I feel very lonely. In the end, everyone in Japan has no choice but to choose between a "horrific suicide" or a "death that no one cares about." I couldn't choose to be born. But don't I have the right to at least seek a peaceful death? Would a Northern European psychiatrist living in Japan agree with my opinion?
so I think I need advice and help from other country, or I need community about assisted suicide. can you help me something?
Some of the content may be shocking, but I hope it will be respected because it is my choice.
I have had an unexplained mental condition for 30 years, and I feel the pain of living and creating anything because I keep repeating the cycle of "feeling that I will not accomplish anything and will crash" any more. I miss art and things from the past, but I have no work or requests, and I don't know how to find my passion. My eyes and body are also getting worse. Last year I had a pulmonary embolism due to self-neglect and almost died physically. The cause was lethargy and immobility due to mental illness. A year has passed since then, but I have lost what I want to draw, what makes me happy, and connections with people, and the rate is increasing every year. (irreversible in my awareness) I wanted to choose death while I was still barely sane and could choose it, so I contacted a Swiss assisted suicide organization (Dignitas).
I read through all the information in the pamphlets they responded. I knew that a doctor's cooperation was essential, so I consulted my doctor first. However, my doctor said that Japanese psychiatrists would not be able to prepare the paperwork to cooperate with assisted suicide, and at least I would not, so I had to find a doctor who could. I felt hopeless. How should I find a doctor and convince him? I have not shown her the Dignitas pamphlet yet, so I will translate and print it out and take it next time.
Also, the pamphlet said to tell people close to me, but my family was against it, and bipoler family got anxiety by it. I don't know whether I should tell my friends with whom I have little contact. I feel that it would be better to disappear from this world in silence, even pamphlet said do not silence to close people. This may be a characteristic of our country, but anyway, I am terribly alone in this respect, because I have been suffering for more than 30 years and appear to be healthy.
I once tried to hang myself, but I remember it was very painful. Also, what would my family think if they found my body? If I jumped in front of a train or fell from a high place, it would harm many people. I don't want to take that approach, but would rather choose a painless death of my own volition. There are no systems or people around me who can realistically think about this, and I feel very lonely. In the end, everyone in Japan has no choice but to choose between a "horrific suicide" or a "death that no one cares about." I couldn't choose to be born. But don't I have the right to at least seek a peaceful death? Would a Northern European psychiatrist living in Japan agree with my opinion?
so I think I need advice and help from other country, or I need community about assisted suicide. can you help me something?
https://telljp.com/i-am-feeling-suicidal/
I plan to consult my doctor, but even she says she has only known me for 2 years. And our meetings are always short, less than 10 minutes, because doctors are always too busy.
Thank you for the URL help. I have tried to contact this phone number, but it is always busy and I have never been able to get through. Japan has some other local services of its own, and I have tried most of them.
I want a doctor who can properly diagnose my symptoms.
https://cjmh.org/counseling/
https://www.tokyomentalhealth.com/
I understand that sometimes medicine and therapy is not enough, and I also suffer from a chronic loneliness and struggle immensely to find any new friend. You're probably much older than me (I'm 23) so I'm not sure if any of my advice and words will actually help, but I believe there are people who can become good friends with you no matter what's your age. Maybe from a furry community, maybe from any other of your interest or something else.
I really hope it gets better for you, you seem in the awful spot right now. I don't know about psychiatry in Japan but maybe you're receiving bad psychiatric help too? If your medicine/therapy doesn't help you, you definitely should try other doctor, medical help with mental disorder is very important, either medicine or therapy or both.
Wish you the best and really hope your state will get better soon. If you want to chat I can give you my discord or telegram info.
to be honest sometime it could be like re-listening a specific music
pls don't do that I'm one of the hundred fans that love what you did for Vilous and mostly all the reason for me to drawing Sergal aswell D:
I feel that you may have a bad moment for sure I hope you could overcome this and become more stronger D:
you may need to retrace the origin of that passion, I would say. . .:o
I can commission you if ya need D:!?
here is my Discord:
S T R Y K E R
.las
my telegram:
LaaaaaaaaS
maybe my steam maybe we should play with Riku be with you a bit more!?
here: Steam ID: 76561198012561502
But trust me your family will miss you. Even if you disappear and not tell them anything, they'll know and they will be crushed. It's not about finding the body, it's about your brother, son, nephew being GONE and never being able to see or speak to them ever again. It's terrible.
I agree with what ChefRaven said about the assisst should not happen when you have a mental disorder that causes you to feel this way.
I hope you find the strength to keep going, you are loved and people will be heartbroken if you go through with it.
I wish you the very best, and I hope there is a better solution for you
I feel I need support on this matter. Assisted suicide for mentally ill people has been recognized in some cases in certain countries. I've been dealing with this feeling for a really long time, and the fact that it's "not recognized" really depresses me even I do it or not.
I’ve had feelings of worthlessness. But not nearly as much as you do. I can understand the feeling but not your experiences. I don’t know what to say. It sounds like you have thought about this for a long time, and I think it’s best to let yourself decide what’s the best action to take.
The one great thing you did was leave behind a legacy. For good or ill, I’d say mostly good. And I think that’s a comforting thought.
Sadly, I can’t really help beside leaving some food for thought. I hope you find happiness in this life or the next.
I hope there are people close to you that are though. Though I will say you are still credited in any book that contains sergals. I wish you the best finding a path forward, and I will do my best to remember you. For you are worth remembering.
My husband says so too, and he's struggled with the same thing for a long time too.
He says he's sorry and understands, and hopes we can someday see you again, and that he would like to show you the good parts of the US if possible.
At the very least, I would like to believe that the decision is mine to make whether I do it or not, and that my hope is that I will find a doctor who is willing to help.
I've absolutely felt like this before like I've suffered with this kind of thing for a majority of my life. No medicine could help me find the joy in my life again but I found out that depression has other treatments that aren't just talk therapy and medicines.
I really don't recommend assisting suicide. I can't stop you in the end as it's your decision but I don't think it's true that no one would care if you were gone.
The situation you're in is really unpleasant and I wish I could offer more help. I wish there were more resources around you, you deserve better. I don't know if you're able to get help in a different country if that's even remotely an option. I know some countries have better mental health resources than others but I don't know a lot about them. Only the stuff in the USA.
I'm very sorry that you feel the need to go this route, but please, reconsider. You are truly loved and admired by other people, even if it doesn't seem like it.
Unfortunately, I am in America, so I don't really know of any resources that could help you out in Japan, I'm sorry for that. But, I think you should really look for someone that can properly diagnose your symptoms, because that will help you out a lot, and you might actually be able to solve this problem without suicide.
I do understand how you feel though; I used to worry that I might not accomplish anything in my life, and that I would be useless forever, but I have learned that this, by itself, is not important. I think a lot of times, when we are online a lot, or live around people that we see having a lot of success (especially if it's something that we want to do well in, too), then we tell ourselves that we're failures, worthless, or losers, and that's not true.
Our lives have value, we're beautiful, lovely individuals that Jesus died for, and we should cherish this one life we get to live on this planet.
Please, forgive me if this sounds harsh, but if you are worried that you won't be able to do anything in life, then going through with suicide is the easiest way to guarantee that. Suicide is just giving up, and that means you will never get an opportunity to try again, to do better, or anything. If not having a passion is a problem for you, or is you are distraught that you don't like what you draw anymore, then why not take this opportunity to find something else to do? Maybe you can try something socially and meet with new people, if you are worried about being lonely? Sometimes you have to be the one that reaches out a hand to others, and take that chance to talk to someone, instead of being approached. A good chance to socialize and meet new people (and help someone in the process) is looking at volunteer work.
There's always chances to do new things and find stuff that makes you happy when you're alive! Don't give up!! Reach out to me if you need someone to talk with, I won't mind at all <3
EDIT TO ADD: You may want to go as far as reconsidering your diet. I found out that I had a LOT of problems, both physically and mentally, that were corrected by diet change. Feel free to reach out to me about this as well!! It literally changed my life, and it might be something you can do for yourself as well.
Although I'm too shy to talk to you directly, I want you to know that even if you can't see it, there are many people that you made happy and gave them a sense of belonging, to a mini-fandom like Vilous, if it wasn't for your lore people wouldn't have been captivated by the species as much as we are now, they wouldn't have found their place in the world where they feel comfortable, their “paradise” so to speak.
I can imagine that what you are going through and describing now has been tormenting you for quite some time, but maybe you need to try other therapies or therapists, specialists, to help you with this, I am sure one of them will be able to know what is going on with you, and help you with your problem.
Anyway, I hope you can find the help you need to avoid this, believe me, I think you can always find a solution to almost any health problem, and maybe someone can help you.
Best regards. :3
I've already tried countless "positive" options. What I've written here is my last resort, my guaranteed hope. The road is really long and hard, and life is long but short. I hope people can enjoy my work independently of me. I wish I could be invisible to Vilous so that people have no choice but to believe in God.
" wish I could be invisible to Vilous so that people have no choice but to believe in God."
I'm not sure I understand what you mean.
I'm so sorry that you are going through a very dark time right now, but please try to hang in there!
Life can be a tiny bit better with even some simple things, like enjoying some of your favorite food and drinks, an upcoming game or movie, or sitting outside enjoying beautiful nature.
Try to hold on to whatever brings you comfort, and for your loved ones/friends!
I really really hope things get better for you soon!
But I learned something from a friend 8 years ago. Something that changed how I see myself. It's not a perfect fix, but nothing truly is, and certainly not by itself. That friend taught me how to reconnect with a past self that almost everyone throws away, ignores, or completely forgets about.
Can you imagine for a moment, a child, standing before you? You know this child. They're very quiet most of the time, but they've been there in your shadow. This child has felt everything you've quietly tried to keep to yourself. Imagine for a moment, this child is a perfect reflection of how you remember yourself. Why you love to draw, the reason you enjoy music, or the warmth you've ever felt being praised. They're the reverie you feel when you connect with someone, or remember a childhood friend. They're also afraid of failing to meet the expectations of everyone around them. They're afraid when people shout and argue. They are the flagging innocence weathering the storm of adult life.
They're scared and tired of the pain, because they've felt every moment you've felt. This child has always been there beside you, because this is a side of you that had to be put aside for the life of an adult. If they stood before you, in one quiet, solitary moment alone, what would you say to ease their fear? Does this child deserve what you've been through alone? Do they deserve what's to come next? Can you hold them tight and protect them? Reassure them and let them cry into your arms. Maybe this child needs to let it all out in the arms of the person who knows them best. You two are the one and same person, after all.
I apologize. I don't mean to be a burden by telling you this. It helped me, and... you were willing to find the courage to speak up about this. It took a lot of guts to admit you've been contemplating this, and maybe you already feel like you're regretting it. But I'm glad you did. I'm glad you posted this journal. I hope it doesn't seem inappropriate of me to share this. We know nothing about each other, but my heart tells me to help in some way. If you can, try to find peace within yourself. 30 years is a long time to shoulder this burden, but I want you to know, it may be possible to survive together, than struggle alone.
I have tried inner child therapy many times. But I was not able to create my "imaginary child" well, and I was not able to communicate well. It is always a fragmented memory, suddenly appearing and disappearing. To be precise, during my manic cycles, I continue to play like an eternal boy, and during my depressive cycles, I have faith in my mother who will die with me. So, in a way, what I am writing here on FA now is what I myself, who has faith in my mother and death, want. The reason I write here is probably because I need an audience other than myself. I am alone, and I cannot be my own friend like someone else. Why?
Thank you for everything.
I don't know if you can read English on your own or if you use a translator, but I want to share a comic that changed how I feel about suicide and what gets me through times when I want to kill myself more than anything. If you can't read it tell me and I will gladly type out a transcript of it to make translating easier. It is the most impactful work about suicide and death that I have ever found and I think it might be something meaningful for you too.
https://drop-out.webcomic.ws/
You have lived a longer life than me, and I cannot fully understand your circumstances because I am not you, but I respect that this is something you want to pursue. Of course I would selfishly hope for you to live, to be able to see your work and ideas, to understand you more and find inspiration from your art. I wish this world was kinder to you, I have loved talking to you and seeing your Yugioh fan work. I hope you are able to find someone who can help you, or resources to make things easier one way or another.
It's strange to think back to six months ago when I was crazy about YGO. I go through manic depression every other year, and the crazy period lasts almost three months, so every time it passes, I'm hit with a strong sense of emptiness, thinking, "Why can't I be there?" and "What should I do when I'm trying to draw the continuation of the AU?"
Thank you for the manga. Hand-writing is difficult for me to read, so I'd be grateful if it exists even if it's just text.
The manga that affected me the most about despair and suicide is here. I felt that this was exactly like myself. This is very dark, so I'm worried that it might affect your psyche, but I'll link it.
https://bato.si/title/20553/393913-ch_1
I will work on making a transcript for you. I'll send it to you in a note when I have it ready.
I think as you say, it’s important to understand that it’s your decision. No one can take that from you. But I also will say that even after a long time things can change, sometimes very drastically as well. Many of these changes can be our choices as well, making steps to shift how things are in our life. I hope you make a choice that’s best for you and you can feel happy with somehow.
"Your choices change you" is a phrase that empty with me because I feel like my whole life has been manipulated. Will therapy solve this? I don't know.
I hope that you can get good therapy. I know mental health services in this country are not the best at times.