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creation, neclect, partner, Vilous
3 months ago
The story continues. I have many stories. They are organically connected in my life, and always tinged with separation and pain.
Now, I am known as the co-creator of Vilous, but I have known Mick since I was 18 years old, and he (he is trans now) was suffering from not having a job after graduating from school, and the fans (mainly Beakiehelmet at that time) learned about Vilous's integrated lore system and offered to organize the fandom, so I thought I could help both Mick's life and the satisfaction of Vilous fandom, so I took it on. If I remember, I was about 24 years old. We talked a lot, I thought about a lot of strategies, and talked to fans and team members. A lot of people tried to support Mick. But in the end, Mick was busy with his own things. Mick's niche and Vilous fandom's niche did not match, and I left in 2021 without them taking care of my own work (Tsukurikake). We are still friends, but now I have lost all energy and even started to forget my own content. I am happy that some people found a place on Vilous because of my work, but it is a place for them and it is a bitter memory for me. This discrepancy is really sad for me. The more people like Vilous, the more empty and sad it makes me. Feel free to use my lore. Enjoy it. But I feel so sad that I can't enjoy it with you, that I want to disappear.
The same can be said for my partner. We still help each other, but we separated　home three years ago. Since I met him when I was 15, I thought I was helping him just like Mick did. He tried to help me too, but there was a serious miscommunication between us, and just like in Mick's case, my own creations were ignored by him. He was also too busy with his own things. Fortunately, he and Mick have started on their own paths, and Vilous fans are enjoying their creations. I feel that I have done everything I can.
The person I introduced in my last journal was one of the few people who deeply touched my creations, but as I said, she leaved me. I didn't want to be like her, so I continued to work on myself and help Mick and my partner. I'll say it again, I'm tired of my own form of love. I've had enough. I want to end my life. I don't want to go to God. I want to be alone. I don't want to go to heaven or hell. I want to go to the world before I was born. And I'll never be born into this world again. That's how I feel now.
Now, I am known as the co-creator of Vilous, but I have known Mick since I was 18 years old, and he (he is trans now) was suffering from not having a job after graduating from school, and the fans (mainly Beakiehelmet at that time) learned about Vilous's integrated lore system and offered to organize the fandom, so I thought I could help both Mick's life and the satisfaction of Vilous fandom, so I took it on. If I remember, I was about 24 years old. We talked a lot, I thought about a lot of strategies, and talked to fans and team members. A lot of people tried to support Mick. But in the end, Mick was busy with his own things. Mick's niche and Vilous fandom's niche did not match, and I left in 2021 without them taking care of my own work (Tsukurikake). We are still friends, but now I have lost all energy and even started to forget my own content. I am happy that some people found a place on Vilous because of my work, but it is a place for them and it is a bitter memory for me. This discrepancy is really sad for me. The more people like Vilous, the more empty and sad it makes me. Feel free to use my lore. Enjoy it. But I feel so sad that I can't enjoy it with you, that I want to disappear.
The same can be said for my partner. We still help each other, but we separated　home three years ago. Since I met him when I was 15, I thought I was helping him just like Mick did. He tried to help me too, but there was a serious miscommunication between us, and just like in Mick's case, my own creations were ignored by him. He was also too busy with his own things. Fortunately, he and Mick have started on their own paths, and Vilous fans are enjoying their creations. I feel that I have done everything I can.
The person I introduced in my last journal was one of the few people who deeply touched my creations, but as I said, she leaved me. I didn't want to be like her, so I continued to work on myself and help Mick and my partner. I'll say it again, I'm tired of my own form of love. I've had enough. I want to end my life. I don't want to go to God. I want to be alone. I don't want to go to heaven or hell. I want to go to the world before I was born. And I'll never be born into this world again. That's how I feel now.
I'm sorry about your grandma. I lost both mine too.
a post-apocalypse planet where humanity> evolve> explore space> colonises and are scattered everywhere on the Galaxy....
then billions of years later like the time it takes for the evolution to change humanity morphology to adapt to there local planet environment.
knowledges of the humanity of before as been forgotten..
with that setup I just begin to like creating stuff on Vilous.. but basically at a galactic scale it could fit to any science fiction universes. On that my desire with Vilous is to create a story about their forgotten past... trying to figure out how to make such thing all by myself :o
Now things can be make on other way there is many others universes like Vilous. like halo franchise, or the elder scroll franchise who have already consistent lore.
now the things you may need to lookout what do you want to create? What are you main interest? testing some way to draw it.. and maybe do not do like I try to do all by myself :0
but at least a small scale maybe!? :0
One of the most important things I learn through my artist career is:
Always stay curious
Things come out naturally if you go look at some series that you like.. I try to deal with my time to draw and play video games because everything can inspire you...
One of my things is to listen to music while I draw :o
I believe Mick just wants to create her own stuff that how it stops... but for me I'm fine if it's fanfiction that's how I love what both of you have created and I don't want to stop doing anything. makes me gozy crazy :0! For sure I will be nobody if I do nothing.
So that's what makes me go forward