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Week Update
a month ago
I know with my previous journal I said I'd be on hiatus. I still intend to, but with time to think and reflect, I think I've made a new decision.
It could just be because this had all happened just as my 2 weeks off work started. I've been drawing, I've not had a ton else to do, though I have been helping more around the house and in the garden (we live in the countryside and have had to deal with fallen trees a lot)
Twitters have been locked, and blueskies have been deactivated.
Apps removed from my phone.
Art is my main hobby, I'm not stopping that.
What I propose to you is that I still upload here only on those off days where I'm not busy.
Just Furaffinity.
I love FA, its like home to me.
I don't feel as confident about posting on my sfw accounts so I may leave those alone. I'll wait and see.
I have toyhouse at least for all my OC stuff.
So while I'm working on myself in the background, I will still post whatever I draw when I have spare time.
I already had a backlog beforehand, and its only growing.
Maybe I'll only post up until whatever internet laws decide to kick my teeth in.
As for things I've been doing to help myself-
I've started journaling, which has been pretty therapeutic, I've almost become addicted to it. It's nice just to write at the end of the day.
Haven't looked into therapy just yet, but have been looking into things I can do to help my mental health. One of such being a case of catching your negative thoughts and debating with them, turning them into positive ones.
I'm not sure if I responded to everything too dramatically? "I'm leaving, I might wipe everything' etc.
My mind goes to the extremes.
And even after my last big apology, good has come from it. I got to apologize to the two people that, in my eyes, I hurt the most.
Its not as simple as that, of course. But its probably the best outcome I was hoping for.
Another thing I want to add- I'll be updating or removing a few art pieces from here. Namely those Hollow Knight Hornet x Lace pieces with Ghost. I avoid drawing ghost nowadays for obvious reasons, though I forgot I still have those up here.
Anything similar will be removed, its a start to me wanting to reconstruct.
Thank you for the support as well, without you guys I'd feel so lost.
I wanna do better for you guys.
I think a rebrand will be in the works too. I've wanted to for a while.
I think thats all I wanna say.
Let me know if you're happy to still see me post or not, yay or nay? 👍👎
Thank you for reading.
It could just be because this had all happened just as my 2 weeks off work started. I've been drawing, I've not had a ton else to do, though I have been helping more around the house and in the garden (we live in the countryside and have had to deal with fallen trees a lot)
Twitters have been locked, and blueskies have been deactivated.
Apps removed from my phone.
Art is my main hobby, I'm not stopping that.
What I propose to you is that I still upload here only on those off days where I'm not busy.
Just Furaffinity.
I love FA, its like home to me.
I don't feel as confident about posting on my sfw accounts so I may leave those alone. I'll wait and see.
I have toyhouse at least for all my OC stuff.
So while I'm working on myself in the background, I will still post whatever I draw when I have spare time.
I already had a backlog beforehand, and its only growing.
Maybe I'll only post up until whatever internet laws decide to kick my teeth in.
As for things I've been doing to help myself-
I've started journaling, which has been pretty therapeutic, I've almost become addicted to it. It's nice just to write at the end of the day.
Haven't looked into therapy just yet, but have been looking into things I can do to help my mental health. One of such being a case of catching your negative thoughts and debating with them, turning them into positive ones.
I'm not sure if I responded to everything too dramatically? "I'm leaving, I might wipe everything' etc.
My mind goes to the extremes.
And even after my last big apology, good has come from it. I got to apologize to the two people that, in my eyes, I hurt the most.
Its not as simple as that, of course. But its probably the best outcome I was hoping for.
Another thing I want to add- I'll be updating or removing a few art pieces from here. Namely those Hollow Knight Hornet x Lace pieces with Ghost. I avoid drawing ghost nowadays for obvious reasons, though I forgot I still have those up here.
Anything similar will be removed, its a start to me wanting to reconstruct.
Thank you for the support as well, without you guys I'd feel so lost.
I wanna do better for you guys.
I think a rebrand will be in the works too. I've wanted to for a while.
I think thats all I wanna say.
Let me know if you're happy to still see me post or not, yay or nay? 👍👎
Thank you for reading.
Hearing that you're still gonna post here has just made my day better. Thank you.
(was that too cheesy as well? Perhaps.)
I'm happy you like my art, I hope I can keep making you smile 🙏
Not cheesey at all, least not to me (: Thank you
Obviously you can’t just turn off what you’ve built over more than a decade—you wouldn’t be drawing this long if you didn’t enjoy it on an immeasurable level. To that end, balancing that hobby with the potential harm in the online aspect of it lies the crux of your recent issues and self-reflection. I think cutting back on that aspect and engaging in ways you actually find yourself truly comfortable with is a good step towards your personal betterment.
Extremes are easy to fall into when stuff is so unclear. You thought someone died when they didn’t. You never really got an opportunity to voice your regrets for your past mistreatment until basically just now. I was personally wondering why you never disabled your FA, and I suppose I have my answer now.
Do continue on that route for your mental health and personal betterment—seems like you’ve been doing well. And thanks for keeping us posted!
I think this is the right call. It still keeps me off my phone too, only gonna see FA when I have spare time on the computer.
FA is a special place to me, so yeah... I don't think I'd ever delete this account.
Thanks for the message, I appreciate it bud 🧡
*hugs*
take all the time you need
glad your coming to terms ^^
Also really glad to hear that you have some time for yourself, and that you're having some good responses to the things you're trying to improve your mental health.
Would love to keep seeing your art, but for sure do what you have to do to care for yourself, we really appreciate you!
It's been a slow start, just cos im on holiday I guess. But I'm looking forward to the future!#
Thank you!
I... honestly don't wanna pay for a VPN 😂
Tbh if the world tells me to stop being horny, I'll go the ecchi route.
I'm not a rebel sadly 😔
The important thing - and something that’s very important to keep in mind (positively) - is that you didn’t act on that initial reaction. As you said, you were considering deleting Absolutely Everything, considering going dark and returning under a new name, etc etc, and you’re already recognizing that those would be extreme things to do.
I may not have my degree quite yet, but as someone who’s had a counseling support network for ages now, that tells me that the journaling and mindfulness is already having a noticeable positive effect. And if that’s already having such an impact, finding a proper counselor to discuss things will with help even more immensely. It will take time to fully process everything that’s happened, past and present, but you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.
If I may give one other small suggestion, though: it’s understandable to feel down or upset with yourself or guilty about things that happened…. but don’t hold yourself back from enjoying or doing little things for yourself. Go out and take walks, maybe play PoGo or something if that might help reset your brain after a long day. Get yourself a little treat every once in a while, especially if you feel like you’ve accomplished something important. And don’t beat yourself up if it feels like you have moments of backsliding, because healing is a long-term process.
For sure. I'm glad I had the time to sit back and think at least. I think what helped though is others voicing their concerns, so I wanted to think of my followers too.
Ahh you've been through it? How'd it go, if I may ask? I'm doing what I can before figuring that part out, yeah.
And I agree there! I was pretty harsh on myself at first, but I've been doing better. Lil things irl help a lot. It's kinda like my exercise routine rn, I've missed a few days but I can pick it up again. Been watching a lot of youtube vids about that kinda mental thinking.
That said, counseling is just as much about maintenance as it is about recovery. I haven't had any super-severe mental-health struggles in a long while now, but I still regularly talk with my counselors and other parts of my support network.
Sometimes things are going well and I don't have much to talk about, and it's all fine. Other times, I have stuff weighing on my mind, and discussing it helps to process it and keep it from stewing too long.
The benefits are similar to journaling in that sense, just to a greater degree, kinda - sometimes all you need is another pair of ears/eyes to offer a different perspective or way of looking at things.
Finding a counselor to talk to when you've never talked to one before can be a little difficult, but there are websites and things that you can search for therapists and counselors and the like. According to my counseling class prof. last semester, most folks work via video-calls nowadays, so schedules should be pretty workable. That said, in-person appointments do feel different from video-calls, so what kind of meetings you wanna do depends on how you feel.
Depending on what the pickings look like, it might take a little work to find a practitioner who clicks with you - granted, they'll all be strangers at first, but an appointment or two is usually enough to test the waters.
If you know anyone IRL or in your area that you trust, it might be good to ask them about their support networks or something like that. When I first moved to Oahu, my mom and I started seeing a counselor on recommendation from a neighbor-friend, and then the counselor helped point us to other people we could discuss or work with alongside.
I see I see... I guess its better to have someone qualified to talk with, sounds like having friends to talk about that stuff can be just as good- or maybe you know more about that from your experiences. Genuinely curious about that.
I have no clue what I'd prefer, maybe in person honestly. I dont have a ton of privacy at home- not for any bad reasons, just how the house is designed lol.
I'll def have to look into that though.
Sadly I dont really know many people irl 😔 at most my bro went to one, but that was when he was living in the biiiig city. Like 6 hours away asdfghj.
Having close friends/friend-groups is definitely important, but it's not quite the same as talking to a proper practitioner.
It's a little hard to describe, but to paraphrase my prof., counselors/therapists/etc are meant to help foster communication - not just between people, but also between a person and their own brain. They're a neutral party; they aren't meant to take sides.
If Person A is having intrusive thoughts, for example, the counselor doesn't (or shouldn't) go "wow that's fucked up of you". The counselor's goal is to help A process those feelings, identify what triggers the intrusive thoughts and why. Then, they can help A figure out ways to either avoid those triggers, or be mindful enough to push the thoughts away when they do pop up.
(That's a simplification, admittedly, but you get the idea. :p )
It sounds like in-person appts would prolly work best then, ye. Of course, it still depends on whatever's in your area, so the important thing is just to do some digging.
If you've got a primary-care doctor, they might be able to point you in the right direction as well!
Didn't know we could do the line thing in comments lol
And that makes sense actually, yeah... I get what you mean. Its very different then.
I haven't even been to the docs in years 😂 im not a regular at all lol. I'm... so disconnected from the world I swear.
I'm still hiatusing elsewhere tho!
Thank you buddy (:
Look, I'm happy you're okay enough to draw again.
You've been through a lot this past month or so, I don't blame you at all for your mind going to drastic measures.
I'm of two minds about your un-haitus.
On one hand, you do need a mental break from what happened. Regardless of if you were an actual bad person, your brain just not registering that you were hurting people, your friends not giving good signs that they were uncomfortable with what you were doing, or it's nobody's fault and the fates fucked up their dice rolls that time; you probably need some you time with some close friends and a therapist and figure out what steps you need to do to make the situation in your brain better.
On the other, drawing is cathartic. If drawing is what your brain wants to do, what it NEEDS to do; I don't want to stop you at all. If you need the validation of uploading for comments and faves to make it another day on this cursed rock, then I'd be more than happy to provide. You shouldn't deny yourself happiness because you fucked up, believe me that wouldn't be healthy...
Just
Whatever You Do
Be Safe.
Ok?
This 2 weeks off work is kinda the best start to a break honestly. No worries of work, full on chill time. Its a blessing in disguise honestly.
Some of the things I've done I was aware- some not. Regardless, I need to do better. A bunch of my friends have been supportive so I owe the world to them.
Art has been my main escape for basically my whole life. Escapism at its finest. So rn I'm drawing more for my sake.
Its a mix of wanting validation, but also knowing there are a few people at least where my art makes them happy.
I'll do my best, thank you so much for being so supportive, it means the world to me 🧡
But by the time I see this, I'm glad you're still staying, but I do hope this construction in progress/art profile overhaul hopefully goes well. Again, take it easy out there and take your time with re-doing your art page.
And thank you!
Walking down memory lane to see your old work....Man...I miss the days when artwork used to be either colored but it would look fine or decent, drawings on black and white sheets of paper that was easy to see, artists that used to be active online 15/13 years ago that are no longer here, retired from drawing/writing content, or just stopped posting and left behind their accounts/disabled their accounts...Dang, what a way to look back at your old work and make me feel warm inside of how good your old artwork still looks great to this very day. Whatever you do in the future with this channel, I'm interested to see where this goes.
No problem, I had this feeling this channel could have closed at any moment, so I didn't want to take a risk unlike the others that I left it slide, only to realize there would have been a couple of artworks I would have absolutely wanted to keep, but it would have been too little too late if you ask me. But that's good to know you have your archives on your end.
You're very welcome LarAnthrod =D....And also, Welcome Back to Furaffinity, hope you're feeling better, both mentally, physically, and emotionally. And resolved some or at least the majority of things you had to deal with in the past.
Finding the middle ground is hard...! But with enough time you can find it.
Thank you, I really appreciate it 🧡 (:
The slump can't last forever!
I'd feel bad if I fully stopped 😔
I am not very connected to people or in the loop so I am not really sure as to what happened in your journey that led to this, but all I can do is send you positive vibes and hope that whatever you do is met with good fortune.
"Let me know if you're happy to still see me post or not, yay or nay?"
Obviously it'd be great to see your art again or just hear from you, your contributions have been grand and I hope you understand how valued you and your work are to many.
also screw all these internet laws bro like wtf
A lot, lets just say that. I've been an asshole to many, hurt an old friend during some of the hardest times of their life.
So I'm wanting to do better, and more aware of how I'm actually treating people.
Thank you, that really means a lot to me 🧡
Same man, they've been going nuts, really trying to control the whole internet 😔
But dw my activity will die down once my holiday ends.
I'm glad therapy went well for you, thats great to know. And I agree 100%
Your art, your OCs, and your writing have been a massive source of joy and fun for so many of us, you included, and to hear you'll be continuing on after thinking about things is a genuine relief.
I can't comment on what you did or how you should feel about it, as I have little experience in the area, nor was I affected by it, but not only have you clearly reflected on it deeply, it's pretty much disconnected from your Art, from your Writing, from your Work.
Stepping out of spaces you found were unhealthy for you is a great step forward, and hopefully will continue to have such a positive effect on you moving forward. (Again, I can't comment on what you did, but I can say that most toxic behavior stems from a toxic environment, so making yourself happy and removing upsetting influences can only help your journey.)
May I ask what the rebrand you intend is, by the way? Like, is it a name change, a presentation change, something else? I'm curious, even if you end up not going through with it.
Question aside, I am so glad to see you back to posting. I always love engaging with your art and especially your writing and characters, and I genuinely hold some of the interactions we've had as my favorite memories on this site. Titillation aside, your writing's just fun, and I enjoy your characters. Even if it'll be less frequent for now, both in terms of art and replies/conversations, it'll still be a highlight of my day to see from you.
So, yeah. I am very much happy to still see you.
Thank you for the kind comment. I really appreciate it.
Thats true too. so it won't stop me doing what I love. I'm working on things slowly.
Yeah.. something tells me twitter is just not a place to go anymore. Better to stick to the smaller communities you enjoy.
It'd be a name change, and maybe presentation to a degree. I've wanted to make Biscotti my mascot for a while now (my brown spider girl with the orange diamond eyes).
Fully taken on the fact I'm a spider enthusiast. I already have a name in mind, but I'll keep it hush hush in case someone tries to pinch it.
Never liked the name LarAnthrod anyway, its lame imo.
I'm happy you like my art and characters, that means a lot to me (: 🧡
I appreciate you, thank you!
Don't worry about having gone a bit extreme last time, that's normal, nothing to worry about