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Insight conclusion
5 months ago
General
My own journey through buddhism has led me onto a path that developed differently from that of most — not out of a set practice, but through personal experience, reflection, and discovery.
For many years I ventured down the road of heavy thoughts and increased insight not for spiritual gain but out of personal interest and a mental hunger towards new connections and exploration itself. This way has burdened me greatly, leaving me in the face of grim futures and inevitable scenarios.
In search for missed variables to overcome or change futures to come and dealing with the shallow and betraying side of human relationships I spiraled into a world of frustration until I researched buddhism by chance out of my interest in old japan.
Buddhism approach to things and reflection has granted me the key to open the door blocking my mind, but the momentum out of the darkness sprung me into the opposit, a moment of light and freedom.
With a mind strongly based on discovery, exploration, and newly gained perspectives I understood the dangers resting beyond the brimming light.
Seeking to return to balance raised new red flags. While balance between either side would usually seem a prefered goal, total balance can diminnish the self, gray out life and detach from all other sides, resembling a state of a hollow life, more dead than death itself.
I came to realise that in a metaphorical way life looks like a hollow ball, the abyss below, the light above, around an endless circle of life choices with dangers shaped like spikes pointing towards the center, extremes at the end of each direction if turned into obsession, yet balance can help root us in the center whilst narrowing the ball, threatening to crush us if overdone.
The goal is to venture, to live, to know the dangers and accept them, embrace the river, bonk your heads on stones in the current and letting them pass as experiences and lessons learnt, free and light, yet responsible and aware.
I acknowledge that usually buddhists try to aquire insight through training and focus, a steady progress between reaching deeper whilst remaining rooted and balanced. Yet it's a collection of people, walking their paths, struggling, leaving their footprints behind as silent echoes that may act as guidance for people following on their own paths behind - I merely leave my footprints among the others.
In stark contrast to the balanced progress I ventured into the dark, sprung back to the light and worked my way back to the balance, embracing and remembering the way, the feelings, the shift in perspectives. I learned to nearly automate a dissolving and rationalising of problems and pain whilst remaining open and free, able to be happy, yet grounded but free.
My thoughts ventured far, embracing the newfound insights and treating the new gained abilities and mechanisms with care I have reached a point of reflection where no more questions remained and I would like to summarise this journey in the insights, thoughts.. maybe even just theories I gathered on this path which work for me and make my newfound reality.
For I do not seek recognition or legitimation, but I would be glad to share my perspective as another way of seeing and living not in contrast to buddhism but as a an addition, with many overlaps but also small differences from the generally accepted paths. Perhaps it might stand beside the traditions already thought, or simply offer a different view to contemplate, if it grants a new perspective or amuses a newfound thought of idea, it was already worth writing.
My reflection on the insight I gained through my path:
Life is a ever flowing river, not a prison. A dance on a blades edge which can cut, but broadens with balance.
The risk of losing oneself to either side - Darkness or Light, but danger even the gray stillness of balance— each extreme can destroy if clung to in it's own way.
Any goal, any escape, any fixed direction can turn to obsession. No path is safe from its own trap yet enrichens our life.
To live well is to be centered yet fluid: anchored to balance, clear of mind, steady at the root — but free to shift, to explore, to dance around the center without drifting away arms reaching out to darkness and light, connected with all naturally.
The arahant’s thinning is not escape; dissolved, they return as hollow echoes, overwritten by the living current. Nothing leaves the system — all returns.
The bodhisattva’s compassion, too, can bind: to grasp too tightly is still to cling, it leads to regrets or false hopes and delaying death is a struggle against the flow.
Death is not an end, but a gateway. You always return — but if you carry momentum, joy, and openness, pass the gateway freer, stronger, less bound, fully part of the whole, potentially carrying some of the momentum into new life springing from your essence as your journey broadens and continues multifold. There is no point in chasing it, just as there is none to fear it.
The way is neither escape nor obsession, but rooted openness: exploring, playing, sometimes risking, always reflecting — storms may toss but must not carry you away.
And in the end there is no question to be asked, no answer due to the lack of questions, conclusion is to see, to embrace.
If there was a goal, then only that we each find our peace during our lifetime – and with it the freedom and lightness that carries beyond life itself.
Hyosube Loxely
For many years I ventured down the road of heavy thoughts and increased insight not for spiritual gain but out of personal interest and a mental hunger towards new connections and exploration itself. This way has burdened me greatly, leaving me in the face of grim futures and inevitable scenarios.
In search for missed variables to overcome or change futures to come and dealing with the shallow and betraying side of human relationships I spiraled into a world of frustration until I researched buddhism by chance out of my interest in old japan.
Buddhism approach to things and reflection has granted me the key to open the door blocking my mind, but the momentum out of the darkness sprung me into the opposit, a moment of light and freedom.
With a mind strongly based on discovery, exploration, and newly gained perspectives I understood the dangers resting beyond the brimming light.
Seeking to return to balance raised new red flags. While balance between either side would usually seem a prefered goal, total balance can diminnish the self, gray out life and detach from all other sides, resembling a state of a hollow life, more dead than death itself.
I came to realise that in a metaphorical way life looks like a hollow ball, the abyss below, the light above, around an endless circle of life choices with dangers shaped like spikes pointing towards the center, extremes at the end of each direction if turned into obsession, yet balance can help root us in the center whilst narrowing the ball, threatening to crush us if overdone.
The goal is to venture, to live, to know the dangers and accept them, embrace the river, bonk your heads on stones in the current and letting them pass as experiences and lessons learnt, free and light, yet responsible and aware.
I acknowledge that usually buddhists try to aquire insight through training and focus, a steady progress between reaching deeper whilst remaining rooted and balanced. Yet it's a collection of people, walking their paths, struggling, leaving their footprints behind as silent echoes that may act as guidance for people following on their own paths behind - I merely leave my footprints among the others.
In stark contrast to the balanced progress I ventured into the dark, sprung back to the light and worked my way back to the balance, embracing and remembering the way, the feelings, the shift in perspectives. I learned to nearly automate a dissolving and rationalising of problems and pain whilst remaining open and free, able to be happy, yet grounded but free.
My thoughts ventured far, embracing the newfound insights and treating the new gained abilities and mechanisms with care I have reached a point of reflection where no more questions remained and I would like to summarise this journey in the insights, thoughts.. maybe even just theories I gathered on this path which work for me and make my newfound reality.
For I do not seek recognition or legitimation, but I would be glad to share my perspective as another way of seeing and living not in contrast to buddhism but as a an addition, with many overlaps but also small differences from the generally accepted paths. Perhaps it might stand beside the traditions already thought, or simply offer a different view to contemplate, if it grants a new perspective or amuses a newfound thought of idea, it was already worth writing.
My reflection on the insight I gained through my path:
Life is a ever flowing river, not a prison. A dance on a blades edge which can cut, but broadens with balance.
The risk of losing oneself to either side - Darkness or Light, but danger even the gray stillness of balance— each extreme can destroy if clung to in it's own way.
Any goal, any escape, any fixed direction can turn to obsession. No path is safe from its own trap yet enrichens our life.
To live well is to be centered yet fluid: anchored to balance, clear of mind, steady at the root — but free to shift, to explore, to dance around the center without drifting away arms reaching out to darkness and light, connected with all naturally.
The arahant’s thinning is not escape; dissolved, they return as hollow echoes, overwritten by the living current. Nothing leaves the system — all returns.
The bodhisattva’s compassion, too, can bind: to grasp too tightly is still to cling, it leads to regrets or false hopes and delaying death is a struggle against the flow.
Death is not an end, but a gateway. You always return — but if you carry momentum, joy, and openness, pass the gateway freer, stronger, less bound, fully part of the whole, potentially carrying some of the momentum into new life springing from your essence as your journey broadens and continues multifold. There is no point in chasing it, just as there is none to fear it.
The way is neither escape nor obsession, but rooted openness: exploring, playing, sometimes risking, always reflecting — storms may toss but must not carry you away.
And in the end there is no question to be asked, no answer due to the lack of questions, conclusion is to see, to embrace.
If there was a goal, then only that we each find our peace during our lifetime – and with it the freedom and lightness that carries beyond life itself.
Hyosube Loxely
