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A little reflecting + Win 10 + More
4 days ago
Hi everyone, I hope everyone is doing well, as for me I am getting better but still dealing with things, I still don't really have it in me to really come back yet, 2025 has been more about me finding my footing it seems more than anything else. Now as a heads up this is going to be a long journal, but there is a lot that I want to go over.
1. Windows 10 Ending Soon
Given Windows 10 support ends in a next week I do have a few concerns.
My laptop is fine and it isn't that old, I have had it since mid-2021.
Now support for 10 ends on the 14th of this month, as far as I know the operating system will be safe to use it is just being extra careful. Screw Microsoft because 10 was advertised to be the last operating system, thankfully at least one lawsuit has been opened and there are petitions to try to force Microsoft to continue to support 10.
I am not going to be using the spyware and adware that is 11, I have been thinking of switching to Linux, an operating system I have never used before and heck I have no clue how to go about it but I really am considering it. It is just my main concerns are how it'll interact with everything I have on my laptop from Steam to my anti-virus, Bluestacks, etc.
Or am I better off just making it to where my laptop just stays off the internet entirely?
If anyone has expirence with Linux please share with me what you know, your expirence, installation and so on.
Thanks a bunch and advice on how to go about anything will be greatly appreciated. I am just trying to figure out how to go about this.
2. An Update on Teeth
Yup, my teeth are still an issue and to be fair it is a big thing that has been occupying me due thankfully finding a new dentist and the flares of pain from time to time. My teeth have always sucked and hopefully soon the pain part will be fixed.
3. Some Reflecting
*Sighs* Now onto a big one, now my past few journals have been more about me trying to get my thoughts placed somewhere. The past few weeks I have been trying to reflect more and this video on Youtube popped into my feed and it honestly shares a good chunk of how I feel. I will post the video here, if you want to go see it before continuing to read it is up to you.
Video: https://youtu.be/e4kluo6JrH0?si=PrwV574VwWbhOAOd
Honestly I feel I am going through these motions, where if I were to disappear tomorrow, if something happend to me... what would I exactly be leaving behind as far as my work goes? There are the models I have done sure but there are also the half-finished projects I have attempted to turn into something.
Then we have my flagship line which is my Magna-Verse, something that I have done my best to push, something I have put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into, something I should have done ages ago... and yet I feel it never had the range I thought it did. From doing my best with lore to creating the Mystic language and lexicon, it does feel like it hasn't gone far... that thought alone has effected me greatly.
The next thing is, should something happen to me, what would happen to my models, my drawings... unless they are taken care of, the models will go to those who will either keep them as is which will help preserve my memory or they'll be stripped of the idenity I gave them, or simply thrown away to just sink into the abyss. As for my drawings, my writting, sure they are online, but how long would that footprint last if no one archives it or shares it? How long before it all possibly fades into oblivion to where it was like I never existed?
As I go through the motions, everything just seems so much harder, I still haven't drawn mich of anything, but have done some writting here and there... then we come to my models which I have been struggling with too still.
I am going to try to at least add some more lore and have done a drawing for the Magna-Verse to try to help me get back into it which I will post soon. I have worked more on the model side of things, but I want to see about getting back to what I also miss doing. 2025 for me has been more about me trying to sort myself out rather than working on producing and creating.
I know I sound very dejected still, but in me continuing to try to think things through and trying to put my words out there. The days all bluring into this collage that feels like it is groundhog day, all while I try to grasp not just motivation but also meaning in things at times. Constantly in motion and yet staying in place, watching the paint dry on miniatures to flipping through my sketchbooks while my mind shifts and wonders.
Thankfully I have gotten more comfortable saying the quiet part outloud, that I am not okay and some days I want to just scream. Some days are easier sure and I have been searching more for the positive, that when it comes to my life I basically went through years of Hell and managed to come out of it, I am not kidding when I say I use to run purely on adrenaline and an insane amount of caffine from the tons of coffee I use to drink. And honestly I think that is in of itself an accomplishment, that I survived the worst that was thrown my way, even managing to beat it down at times and kept pressing forward.
I haven't been really talkatitive for the past year, but I am working towards reopening the doors as I try to improve my outlook on things. Yeah a lot of trauma and things are ingrained but I am working on it, I haven't lost my will to fight yet despite me honestly having wanted to at times due to despair and just feeling hopeless with how things can look and seem at times.
But I think that is one of my best traits, my willpower to keep trying and moving on as best I can, it can take me some time but I try to find way back. My mind may be exhausted a good chunk of the time but I still try to figure everything out as best I can. I just thought that by now a lot more pieces would be in place, that my aspiration yeilded more tonnage. The past few years has been great given I haven't had to worry much and can focus on creating things even if I have been constantly burning myself out.
I will now conclude this section by saying this. A huge thank you to those that view my stuff and actively supports me, it does help make things easier and feel seen, it does help with my confidence and I greatly appreciate it.^^
Now I am going to let my inner Al Bundy come out, given I have heard so many empty promises and many have failed me, I have learned to be way more skeptical, heck in some cases feel contempt. Obviously I won't put names or anything here... BUT... I will freely say that such things I treat as basically empty buzzing and white noise at this point. If the words are real than I do need to see the action to back them up, than maybe my expections would not be founded on false hope. Like how for example with over the past few years until I was able to get the first digital ref sheet for my fursona a few users offered to create the thing for me, I didn't ask at all and they themselves extended the offer to me, but to say I would have been extremely greatful would have been an understatement, but months would go by and I wouldn't hear a peep and naturally because I worry about bothering others I decided not to risk pushing on it.
Such example is just one in a myriad, I understand things happen, though a good chunk of the time when it comes to it, I can't help but feel jerked around as I realize just how shallow it all really was and is. And after putting my best foot forward multiple times, I don't think I'll do it anymore with how I currently feel.
4. Some Game Reviews
One thing I use to try to do is post video game reviews from time to time and I have been thinking of doing a few for old time sake. Having dusted off my ps2 I'll do it for a handful, a few of which are in japanese so I have been trying to find guides and an app to allow my phone camera to translate things.... one that won't try to collect anything as I hate how some basic apps try to be data farms.
Alright, that is all I wanted to do for this journal and let everyone know where I am at plus a few things. I will posting a couple of things soon as I work towards becoming more active again.
Have a good day or night where ever you are^^
1. Windows 10 Ending Soon
Given Windows 10 support ends in a next week I do have a few concerns.
My laptop is fine and it isn't that old, I have had it since mid-2021.
Now support for 10 ends on the 14th of this month, as far as I know the operating system will be safe to use it is just being extra careful. Screw Microsoft because 10 was advertised to be the last operating system, thankfully at least one lawsuit has been opened and there are petitions to try to force Microsoft to continue to support 10.
I am not going to be using the spyware and adware that is 11, I have been thinking of switching to Linux, an operating system I have never used before and heck I have no clue how to go about it but I really am considering it. It is just my main concerns are how it'll interact with everything I have on my laptop from Steam to my anti-virus, Bluestacks, etc.
Or am I better off just making it to where my laptop just stays off the internet entirely?
If anyone has expirence with Linux please share with me what you know, your expirence, installation and so on.
Thanks a bunch and advice on how to go about anything will be greatly appreciated. I am just trying to figure out how to go about this.
2. An Update on Teeth
Yup, my teeth are still an issue and to be fair it is a big thing that has been occupying me due thankfully finding a new dentist and the flares of pain from time to time. My teeth have always sucked and hopefully soon the pain part will be fixed.
3. Some Reflecting
*Sighs* Now onto a big one, now my past few journals have been more about me trying to get my thoughts placed somewhere. The past few weeks I have been trying to reflect more and this video on Youtube popped into my feed and it honestly shares a good chunk of how I feel. I will post the video here, if you want to go see it before continuing to read it is up to you.
Video: https://youtu.be/e4kluo6JrH0?si=PrwV574VwWbhOAOd
Honestly I feel I am going through these motions, where if I were to disappear tomorrow, if something happend to me... what would I exactly be leaving behind as far as my work goes? There are the models I have done sure but there are also the half-finished projects I have attempted to turn into something.
Then we have my flagship line which is my Magna-Verse, something that I have done my best to push, something I have put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into, something I should have done ages ago... and yet I feel it never had the range I thought it did. From doing my best with lore to creating the Mystic language and lexicon, it does feel like it hasn't gone far... that thought alone has effected me greatly.
The next thing is, should something happen to me, what would happen to my models, my drawings... unless they are taken care of, the models will go to those who will either keep them as is which will help preserve my memory or they'll be stripped of the idenity I gave them, or simply thrown away to just sink into the abyss. As for my drawings, my writting, sure they are online, but how long would that footprint last if no one archives it or shares it? How long before it all possibly fades into oblivion to where it was like I never existed?
As I go through the motions, everything just seems so much harder, I still haven't drawn mich of anything, but have done some writting here and there... then we come to my models which I have been struggling with too still.
I am going to try to at least add some more lore and have done a drawing for the Magna-Verse to try to help me get back into it which I will post soon. I have worked more on the model side of things, but I want to see about getting back to what I also miss doing. 2025 for me has been more about me trying to sort myself out rather than working on producing and creating.
I know I sound very dejected still, but in me continuing to try to think things through and trying to put my words out there. The days all bluring into this collage that feels like it is groundhog day, all while I try to grasp not just motivation but also meaning in things at times. Constantly in motion and yet staying in place, watching the paint dry on miniatures to flipping through my sketchbooks while my mind shifts and wonders.
Thankfully I have gotten more comfortable saying the quiet part outloud, that I am not okay and some days I want to just scream. Some days are easier sure and I have been searching more for the positive, that when it comes to my life I basically went through years of Hell and managed to come out of it, I am not kidding when I say I use to run purely on adrenaline and an insane amount of caffine from the tons of coffee I use to drink. And honestly I think that is in of itself an accomplishment, that I survived the worst that was thrown my way, even managing to beat it down at times and kept pressing forward.
I haven't been really talkatitive for the past year, but I am working towards reopening the doors as I try to improve my outlook on things. Yeah a lot of trauma and things are ingrained but I am working on it, I haven't lost my will to fight yet despite me honestly having wanted to at times due to despair and just feeling hopeless with how things can look and seem at times.
But I think that is one of my best traits, my willpower to keep trying and moving on as best I can, it can take me some time but I try to find way back. My mind may be exhausted a good chunk of the time but I still try to figure everything out as best I can. I just thought that by now a lot more pieces would be in place, that my aspiration yeilded more tonnage. The past few years has been great given I haven't had to worry much and can focus on creating things even if I have been constantly burning myself out.
I will now conclude this section by saying this. A huge thank you to those that view my stuff and actively supports me, it does help make things easier and feel seen, it does help with my confidence and I greatly appreciate it.^^
Now I am going to let my inner Al Bundy come out, given I have heard so many empty promises and many have failed me, I have learned to be way more skeptical, heck in some cases feel contempt. Obviously I won't put names or anything here... BUT... I will freely say that such things I treat as basically empty buzzing and white noise at this point. If the words are real than I do need to see the action to back them up, than maybe my expections would not be founded on false hope. Like how for example with over the past few years until I was able to get the first digital ref sheet for my fursona a few users offered to create the thing for me, I didn't ask at all and they themselves extended the offer to me, but to say I would have been extremely greatful would have been an understatement, but months would go by and I wouldn't hear a peep and naturally because I worry about bothering others I decided not to risk pushing on it.
Such example is just one in a myriad, I understand things happen, though a good chunk of the time when it comes to it, I can't help but feel jerked around as I realize just how shallow it all really was and is. And after putting my best foot forward multiple times, I don't think I'll do it anymore with how I currently feel.
4. Some Game Reviews
One thing I use to try to do is post video game reviews from time to time and I have been thinking of doing a few for old time sake. Having dusted off my ps2 I'll do it for a handful, a few of which are in japanese so I have been trying to find guides and an app to allow my phone camera to translate things.... one that won't try to collect anything as I hate how some basic apps try to be data farms.
Alright, that is all I wanted to do for this journal and let everyone know where I am at plus a few things. I will posting a couple of things soon as I work towards becoming more active again.
Have a good day or night where ever you are^^
