Apologies, late night/early morning tired kinda journal. Might delete it at some point if I look back and find it a bit unbecoming or embarassing to put out there. Either way, since I've shared so much of my mind with you all over the years with my doodles, maybe some of the mindset might shed some light on the madness. Apologies if I get overly verbose yet sucking with grammar, I type weird when I'm dozy. I feel better posting these to here than I do to other social media as well, only eyes that want to look at it will comment etc.

Something that's been on my mind a lot, fleetingly here and there, though more stronger lately, has been the 'why' I like the stuff I tend to draw a lot? Where might it of started, and how it got here from what I used to be into?
Especially since I'd consider myself a bit of a prude with how little I draw sexual acts. You'd think me asexual, though I'm still kinda just vibing and undecided, at least online.

Transformation stuff being the very start, the enticement of an easy, different life to stumble into. The earliest memories of my weirdness stemmed here. From human to furry, species, etc etc. Even elements of the power fantasy too back then. Might of started from games/media, who knows.

Then my next thing after that on my mind was bodyswap/fusion stuff. Change as well, but with a familiar face, deepening a bond, maybe one to help each other through it, friend, rival or partner. Though the excitement of being in a stranger I'd understand too. You could see conjoinment here as a related thing in a way. This is probably where my natural disposition started to swing out of power fantasy, to being on the receiving brunt of scenarios.

Bodypart TF is a weird evolution I'm still to this day active on now. And has been since I started commissioning and then drawing! The coldest and meanest read I can think of being the warmth and closeness of being close to someone, yet not intrusive in their daily affairs and life. Probably why I default to drawing non-obstructive sizes when I can.
Probably why I wasn't into either objects between thighs, until I got into CTF/PTF (I know, weird xwx). Inanimate TF I see as a partner to this in my personal read, but belonging to someone in a different 'wholesome' manner.
For why my mind went so hard into this? No idea, could it be a trust issues thing? Low commitment thing? Maybe just a fantasy of low maintenance, yet long-lasting connections? A secure, predictable future? Just being a clingy dork? All or one of these can be true, but just ruminations about which thought processes might of festered these thoughts.

For what ever might come next? I've no idea. I do like to experiment in my comfort zones. Either way, I'll try to catch some more Zs before I wake up and probably delete this when someone calls me cringe later :v. Feel free to share your own thoughts, just don't go too heavy please, I've only given surface level thoughts here myself so careful with oversharing.


Tl:dr,I can't sleep so I'm using you all as a thoughtsink get fucked nerds :v