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Therapy for Loss
6 days ago
I've had a few therapy sessions to have a good place to discuss life events, including the losses of my father, mother and sister all in the last 4/5 years or so.
I'm having a difficult time letting myself feel the intense emotions. During one period of trying to I felt my brain feel fuzzy, and like, really tired. It was weird.
I function through life fine. I feel spurts of sad or something, but it's not a constant.
But I sort of feel like I am not mourning, and just avoiding it.
It's weird and complicated.
I talk about the facts.
My father died of fentanyl overdose. My sister died of complications with drug abuse and a heart defect. I have not gotten the autopsy report for my mother yet, but it seems like she likely died linked to drugs in her system and other health problems (she was really thin).
I feel like I keep the emotions out of it.
I'm angry at drugs and drug dealers, more than I am sympathetic these days...
But they still made the choices to consume. The choice of lifestyle. They knew and have experienced what life could be without drugs. But they couldn't escape from it.
One year after my father died, my sister almost died. She was in the hospital for the next year or two, in and out, until she passed. She deeply mourned our dad, I'm sure. My mother never recovered from the loss of her daughter.
My dad passed in August 2021.
My sister passed in September of 2024.
My mother passed in September of 2025.
It feels like a tragedy, and a domino effect of mourning. They fought a LOT, but they depended on each other, too.
Emotionally I don't really know where I am or what's going on.
I always imagined their losses to be a nightmare scenario to me. It's lonely. I wanted better for them than this. I always tried to encourage them to move closer to where I live now, because life is better here. But it didn't pan out, and now it never will.
I'm having a difficult time letting myself feel the intense emotions. During one period of trying to I felt my brain feel fuzzy, and like, really tired. It was weird.
I function through life fine. I feel spurts of sad or something, but it's not a constant.
But I sort of feel like I am not mourning, and just avoiding it.
It's weird and complicated.
I talk about the facts.
My father died of fentanyl overdose. My sister died of complications with drug abuse and a heart defect. I have not gotten the autopsy report for my mother yet, but it seems like she likely died linked to drugs in her system and other health problems (she was really thin).
I feel like I keep the emotions out of it.
I'm angry at drugs and drug dealers, more than I am sympathetic these days...
But they still made the choices to consume. The choice of lifestyle. They knew and have experienced what life could be without drugs. But they couldn't escape from it.
One year after my father died, my sister almost died. She was in the hospital for the next year or two, in and out, until she passed. She deeply mourned our dad, I'm sure. My mother never recovered from the loss of her daughter.
My dad passed in August 2021.
My sister passed in September of 2024.
My mother passed in September of 2025.
It feels like a tragedy, and a domino effect of mourning. They fought a LOT, but they depended on each other, too.
Emotionally I don't really know where I am or what's going on.
I always imagined their losses to be a nightmare scenario to me. It's lonely. I wanted better for them than this. I always tried to encourage them to move closer to where I live now, because life is better here. But it didn't pan out, and now it never will.
I'm no counselor so I can't offer any health advice. Just what I know worked for me. (Was in the same boat not to long ago)
Mother in 2020, step dad 2022, and younger brother in 23.
You sound like you're in an an emotional typhoon. Like everything is mixed. Guilt, regret, anger, sadness.
Which is normal. This is a part of mourning. Sometimes it can take days, others times it can take weeks, months, even years.
Approaching the death of my brother's anniversary. I have to reflect a lot on it. It still hurts. We were never close but, it still doesn't stop the sting.
The trick is enduring. They now live in your memory. So as long as you exist and still remember them. They're still around. Even if you can't talk to or hear them.
You're stronger than you realize and you're still here because you saw an opportunity and took it. It speaks volumes of your personal strengths.
If tears well up, try not to fight them. If you feel empty or hollow, that's normal. You're not done mourning. Just know if it ever feels to rough, you can talk to someone
I've been through several different therapy treatments and styles. Everyone will experience a different method, treatment, and outcome. It's a part of why therapy and therapy treatments are never a one-size-fits-all. We're all different, so our path to normality will also be widely varied.
As you said, your family chose their lifestyles. It's perfectly normal to feel angry or upset with the choices they made, and if you cared for them (as some people may sever contact with family with abuse troubles or otherwise), it's also natural to be at an internal conflict on whether you should mourn or are reflective of the lives they chose to live, and what impact they had on you and your life at present.
So, that said, it's absolutely within your capacity to have a perceived turmoil on how and when you should mourn. It's natural. It shows you're human. It could take days, months, or even years to finally mourn and let that weight go.
Something my recent therapist told me about one of my ailments (emotional / psychological), is that there is a pit where a specific emotion sits. That emotion, let's call it an entity, has a chain or rope that it is always pulling on. We, as an individual, are sometimes near the pit but never right on the edge, yet we're holding on to that rope/chain and getting gradually pulled towards the end. Now, we have the choice: Keep holding on and be dragged in to fall through that emotion and experience a proverbial "runaway" where we can't escape, or let go of what is dragging us down and walk away, to breathe, to calm ourselves and refocus, recenter, and make steps in a better direction.
After they explained it that way I've had a notable decrease in my complications and an uptick in more moments where I "let go" of the drag. Some drags are good though, and it sounds like once you experience the fall into mourning in whatever way you need to (as you're just being dragged at the moment), you'll come out the other side balanced out. But, for now, it's okay to feel the way you are. Believe me, you're fine. You need time. You have the experience and wisdom to know right, wrong, healthy, and unnecessary methods to how to keep proactive and healthy. Keep focused on that for now. Focus on you. Your day of proper mourning or "moving on" will come, just be gentle with yourself until then.
I can't speak for your situation, but when I had losses in my family, I was a bit bothered by the fact that I wasn't feeling grief in a way that seemed "contemporary", and wondered what it said about me, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that there's really no wrong way to grieve.
I had no idea you had it so rough the specific way that you did here, but I hope however you choose to sit with it all, it's in whatever way best helps you to stand tall and not let it bring you down. Feel free to holler if you need to air out about it.
Hope you feel better and may time heal you. Those are really sad feelings that I've never experienced, so take this opinion with a grain of salt.