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Male Motivations and Sex Ed
15 years ago
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chayfox's fanfiction! It'll make you reconsider your previous prejudices about what a man can do with a creative vision and syndicated characters.
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While doing my bi-weekly check on DeviantArt- I stopped uploading but still like to see some things there- I logged into my mature account there, and saw a comment on an old piece of work, by a troubled youth. It read:
"If [girls had breasts that big] then it would cause guys to become something they're not. It will often make the men feel like they're a prisoner of temptation. It happens to me, I get tempted when I don't want to. ... When I get tempted with sexual things though, I feel like its turning me into a monster, something I don't want to be. It's like an alternate personality of me I can't control. While I want to be close to women, not for their sexual bodies, but for passionate kindness and trust. It's my evil temptation for sex things that takes me over.
Now, this is obviously a case of youth and confusion exacerbating things a bit, but... the truth is, this is something most all men and boys have to face about ourselves. Just as those of the feminine persuasion are predisposed to being discriminating and investigative, we guys are predisposed to being aggressive and (at least attemptively) cunning.
Think about it. How many times has this instinct confused, inconvenienced, or completely dicked us over? There are so many situations that make us guys ask "why??":
-Why did I suddenly hit on that girl? I have no interest in her as a person, and she would never want to date me!
-Why am I suddenly so stuck on pursuing my longtime female friend? And why am I crushed when she nervously says 'no' with that surprised face?
-Why am I such a pervert when I'm actually a smart, nice guy? Why am I constantly sneaking looks at random girls, even ones I'm friends with? If I goosed that one for fun, why do I feel a little bit weird about it?
-Why do I feel this weird 'pressure to perform' in front of pretty girls? What the hell??
-Why do I keep dating girls that I hate just because they're physically attractive? Don't I respect myself?
None of these things are ever explained to us growing up. We guys need to understand the reasons for these feelings that don't seem to belong to us. We've been so exposed to the idea that we're just this way that it's now supposedly just part of our character! But I don't feel that's right. It's not that girl's fault that she's a little testy once a month, and it's not that guy's fault that he's inexplicably driven sometimes.
I'm a big example of this myself. In school, I was always the "safe" boy. Girls made up the vast majority of my friends demographic, because I was fun, listened well, and always seemed sexually unthreatening. The truth, of course, was that I was fun, listened well and just tried not to make my sexuality akward or embarassing. I wasn't going to make it obvious, but if one of my friends was wearing tight jeans, I was gonna look at 'em! If hugging or playful spanking was opportune, I was going to happily oblige! Did this corrupt all of my actions and make them go from genuine or innocuous to perverted? Not at all. That hug was genuine, and I felt both the warmth of friendly closeness as well as that then-mystifying thrill up my belly when their breasts pressed against me. Did I have different urges than the other boys? No way! I was just better at making them a little more palatable and less threatening.
The point is, I struggled with understanding this for a long time, and to this day I really could've benefitted from a somewhat accessible adult reassuring me that, "hey Dan, you're okay. You're not creepy or weird or stupid, you're just responding to instincts stronger than you. You can look, and notice, just don't embarass yourself or the other person with it! Context is everything! Keep what's important in mind and you'll be fine."
And come to think of it, girls and women need to know this, too. Feminism has given us a little better look into their motivations; it's such a good idea, that they should know ours, as well! It would take some of the shock and surprise out of those embarassing, akward, sometimes hurtful moments to know that every guy has them and they're normal.
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Commissions:
1.
matthewbrandon
2.
waccoon [Planning]
3.
lmann [Mission Comprete]
4.
artie
5.
minnieshoof
6.
milkjunkie [Mission Comprete]
7.
shade1111 [Planning]
8.
badkera
9.
azarian [Paid, Sketching]
10.
ancient_one
11.
oinuttah [Mission Comprete]
Read
chayfox's fanfiction! It'll make you reconsider your previous prejudices about what a man can do with a creative vision and syndicated characters.__Body__
While doing my bi-weekly check on DeviantArt- I stopped uploading but still like to see some things there- I logged into my mature account there, and saw a comment on an old piece of work, by a troubled youth. It read:
"If [girls had breasts that big] then it would cause guys to become something they're not. It will often make the men feel like they're a prisoner of temptation. It happens to me, I get tempted when I don't want to. ... When I get tempted with sexual things though, I feel like its turning me into a monster, something I don't want to be. It's like an alternate personality of me I can't control. While I want to be close to women, not for their sexual bodies, but for passionate kindness and trust. It's my evil temptation for sex things that takes me over.
Now, this is obviously a case of youth and confusion exacerbating things a bit, but... the truth is, this is something most all men and boys have to face about ourselves. Just as those of the feminine persuasion are predisposed to being discriminating and investigative, we guys are predisposed to being aggressive and (at least attemptively) cunning.
Think about it. How many times has this instinct confused, inconvenienced, or completely dicked us over? There are so many situations that make us guys ask "why??":
-Why did I suddenly hit on that girl? I have no interest in her as a person, and she would never want to date me!
-Why am I suddenly so stuck on pursuing my longtime female friend? And why am I crushed when she nervously says 'no' with that surprised face?
-Why am I such a pervert when I'm actually a smart, nice guy? Why am I constantly sneaking looks at random girls, even ones I'm friends with? If I goosed that one for fun, why do I feel a little bit weird about it?
-Why do I feel this weird 'pressure to perform' in front of pretty girls? What the hell??
-Why do I keep dating girls that I hate just because they're physically attractive? Don't I respect myself?
None of these things are ever explained to us growing up. We guys need to understand the reasons for these feelings that don't seem to belong to us. We've been so exposed to the idea that we're just this way that it's now supposedly just part of our character! But I don't feel that's right. It's not that girl's fault that she's a little testy once a month, and it's not that guy's fault that he's inexplicably driven sometimes.
I'm a big example of this myself. In school, I was always the "safe" boy. Girls made up the vast majority of my friends demographic, because I was fun, listened well, and always seemed sexually unthreatening. The truth, of course, was that I was fun, listened well and just tried not to make my sexuality akward or embarassing. I wasn't going to make it obvious, but if one of my friends was wearing tight jeans, I was gonna look at 'em! If hugging or playful spanking was opportune, I was going to happily oblige! Did this corrupt all of my actions and make them go from genuine or innocuous to perverted? Not at all. That hug was genuine, and I felt both the warmth of friendly closeness as well as that then-mystifying thrill up my belly when their breasts pressed against me. Did I have different urges than the other boys? No way! I was just better at making them a little more palatable and less threatening.
The point is, I struggled with understanding this for a long time, and to this day I really could've benefitted from a somewhat accessible adult reassuring me that, "hey Dan, you're okay. You're not creepy or weird or stupid, you're just responding to instincts stronger than you. You can look, and notice, just don't embarass yourself or the other person with it! Context is everything! Keep what's important in mind and you'll be fine."
And come to think of it, girls and women need to know this, too. Feminism has given us a little better look into their motivations; it's such a good idea, that they should know ours, as well! It would take some of the shock and surprise out of those embarassing, akward, sometimes hurtful moments to know that every guy has them and they're normal.
__Footer__
Commissions:
1.
matthewbrandon 2.
waccoon [Planning]3.
lmann [Mission Comprete]4.
artie 5.
minnieshoof 6.
milkjunkie [Mission Comprete]7.
shade1111 [Planning]8.
badkera 9.
azarian [Paid, Sketching]10.
ancient_one11.
oinuttah [Mission Comprete]
I know my pervert side. But I'm perfectly ok with it. Not only that, but I can control it when I need to.
I can be a flirt when I want to, and a gentleman when it's needed, and I know I can 'cause a couple female friends have commented me about it. ^^;
I'm completly inin tune with my pervert side.
Also, I'm in tune with my female side.
And she's a lesbian XD
or the writer has no life and/or needs to get laid
or a lesbian
Big breasts = incitement to raep? Homeboi ain’t right …
And it's true, there's no reason for us not to all talk about this stuff! Nothing bad comes about from better understanding.
TL; DR
I don't think we can talk about it until we address the issues that make it uncomfortable to talk about.
Tis better to be blinded by the truth then to be crushed while blind to it, for the truth is like a tree being felled; you can see it go and shout 'TIMBER', or you can cover your eyes and have it fall on you.
http://www.linux-france.org/prj/jar.....ig/ROFLMAO.jpg
but if these 'animal instincts' are real that that'd explain alot of the behaviors. 'w'
ya see, we could be like a dog, wonder around and enjoying my niche then leap at the chance to repopulate the species. Us being humans and have a higher rank of intellect and critical thinking skills (and morals) we can control and manipulate these instincts accordingly. 'w'
but of course what i am saying is truly based on what was in my head as I head the journal, so if it doesn't make sense or it's idiotic, then I am sorry. ^-^;;
This was my main point, yes. Except that things like repression and ignorance cause us to needlessly pussyfoot around the subject.
this must be the longest most irrelivent comment ever
And grow up.
Let this be a lesson, kiddies, context is important.
But anyway, no, I didn't make it up. What I did do, however, was make it easier to read by cleaning up the egregious grammatical errors. It's for true.
Poor kid...
So while we all have our issues with girls, it really depends on the person.
And here I thought the girls sat with me at lunch because I was quiet.
I just simply wanted to give you a big thanks for pointing this out, Noritics.
Aah, but you know the BEST part? The double standard we have on this issue in our society today. If a man is unfaithful to his wife/girlfriend with another woman, he's an adulterer... a crime so terrible you can be impeached in disgrace from the U.S. presidency for. If a man gropes a female friend, it's sexual harassment; he might even be branded a rapist and spend the rest of his life in jail. However, if a woman commits adultery, or sexually harasses a man, she's merely a slut; no legal action is filed by anyone, and even the social stigma is only about as bad as what she'd have if she was merely fat or unattractive.
A note to the handful of militant feminists who are about to leap out of the woodwork to publicly disembowel me: I'm not making light of ACTUAL rape. I'm saying there's a BIG difference between some psychopath forcing you to have sex with him under threat of death (and probably killing you afterwards anyways) and some guy you know squeezing your breast at a party and saying "Honk honk!". One of these actions deserves castration and a jail sentence. The other one of these actions deserves an open-handed smack across the face. People need to stop getting the two confused.
On a less cynical note... I've felt that shame myself. Mostly because I'm scared to death of losing my free will and having my mind controlled or altered in any way, and there have been times when I've been in that sexual mindframe and thought "OH YEAH! Sex is the most beautiful, meaningful thing ever!" and then thirty minutes later thought "Sex is kind of disgusting.. and so utterly pointless... who WAS I a few minutes ago?"
So I'm perfectly fine with what I like, I like things big, exaggerated and pervy. And you know, it's all in good fun. Listen, in real life, I work for a monument company, helping people deal with the loss of a loved one. What I like at the end of the day, is to go to the polar opposite of the spectrum. I like what I like, and other people seem to too! If someone's offended, I certainly didn't sit anyone down 'clockwork orange' style and submit them to my fetishes and artwork. I work in such a repressed industry, stale and staunchy in it's tradition.
But why be insulted about this? Are there many men that complain about artists that draw their characters with giagantic dongs? Probably not many. Let's face it some people like being the crusader. To right what they see as wrong and to stand up and be a voice of reason in a society in which everyone has done so, everything's protected and safe to the point that nothing is worth being involved in or looking at. What I've always loved about this fandom is that everyone should feel free to draw and favorite the things that they love. They may not apply to everyone, but as long as it's not in my face, have at it.
You never know who or why made the comment they did. I know who I am, and am perfectly happy with being a little pervy with my drawing.
Also -there's a GOOD AMOUNT of irony to be had about someone judging your artwork on a site called DEVIANT-ART -which by it's very definition is artwork that deviates from the norm, or what is publicly acceptable.
As for those feelings inside, its nearly become split down the middle for me. I either know right away whether any stimulation I feel for someone is heartfelt and friendly, or more towards the perverse and sexual appetite.
Of course, it's not just sex. I never understood why young boys were always so physical and obnoxious. You know what I mean. There was always that friend that greeted you by punching you in the shoulder -- enough to actually hurt. Then, there was the rabid socialite that tried to be your friend by acting and sounding like a used car salesman. These guys genuinely believed that's the way grown men behaved. Hey, dipshits... we don't like in the jungle, anymore. The physically strongest and most intimidating person isn't the fittest in modern society. Or at least, that's what I thought when I was a kid, and it turns out I was completely wrong.
I work in a warehouse, and most of the guys there behave just like the teenagers I went with to school. They're a bunch of middle-aged children. The women in the mezzanine aren't much better, as most of them I've come across are those trashy, snobbish type where you can't tell if they're interested in you, or if they're just trying to cause a scene. I never learned how to play these infantile social games.
Gee, shame on me for being able to keep my hormones under control. It's caused a lot more problems for me than just with my love life.
Following the theme of women being the evil temptations by virtue of existing; If a women is raped, there will inevitably be someone who claims that it was her own fault for dressing provocatively, even if she was just wearing normal popular women's clothing (which is almost always slightly sexualized to some degree), as though all men are one tight shirt, low cut top, or square inch of uncovered leg from being driven into an uncontrollable frenzy and sexually forcing themselves upon someone. Such a claim not only partly excuses the attacker's actions by blaming them on an external cause, but shifts the blame for those actions to the victim.
Of course, people are conditioned to regard the body and everything about it as inherently unclean and in need of hiding from a young age, both their own and other people's. However, companies are perfectly free to show as much of the body, particularly the female body, however they choose to as long as the evil parts are safely hidden. Victoria's Secret ads (or underwear ads in general) are a good example. They show a woman in her underwear, definitely making use of sex appeal, but are perfectly acceptable, but a person dressed in an identical manner but not doing so to promote a company or protest something (other than sex discrimination with clothing requirements) would be fined or arrested for indecent exposure. Of course, the "making a huge deal of it unless it's done for someone's profit" is the very thing that makes it POSSIBLE for people to profit off of it by making it rare and noteworthy.
For a country that's supposed to have a complete and total separation of church and state, we're doing an astoundingly bad job of it, in a number of ways.
I apologize, that was a tad long.
That said, I may be missing something; perhaps you have read research I have not? If so, please enlighten me -- you seem so confident in your conclusions.
Now, there are two very common responses to this discovery: discarding of identity in favor of following baser instincts- say, a frat boy- or the discarding of recognition of these instincts in favor of identity- an extremely repressed religious person, per se.
What I propose isn't either of these, but rather, understanding that this baser nature exists in us, and that acknowledging it doesn't mean discarding identity.
I actually think I read your journal pretty wrongly, then. Sorry (I'm pretty sick of people defining gender in a way which implies 'you don't exist', but you DIDN'T do that at all, despite my initial interpretation.)
I do kind of wonder about this..
"
I really could've benefitted from a somewhat accessible adult reassuring me that, "hey Dan, you're okay. You're not creepy or weird or stupid, you're just responding to instincts stronger than you. You can look, and notice, just don't embarass yourself or the other person with it! Context is everything! Keep what's important in mind and you'll be fine."
"
.. you knew what was important, even in a general sense, at that age? I salute you.:)
Having a little mentoring in that sense would have helped me a lot, I think.
But yeah, I read that comment and was really moved by it, too.