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Bleh...
15 years ago
How do I let go? It hurts so much... I keep picking up the pieces, stabbing my hands with shards of glass. It I knew how to let go, I would. Drop the shards of a broken past and move on. Leaving all the pieces behind, not trying to rebuild the lost image, instead, starting a new on a fresh canvas.
I keep going back. I should stop looking, I go and see anyway, then open the wounds again.
All my journals are about me complaining on the failings I have caused myself. I haven't learned anything new, I have not grown up. There is so much to the world; I keep myself hidden.
I hate failing, so I won't try. Can't fail if you don't try. Can't succeed either.
Just to let go... Instead of ...something else... all I do is feel sad about the past the been broken. The world has moved on, it's happier now. I still sit here, stuck in 3 years ago, seeing what was and not wanting to go forward.
I caused that failing so hard; it's my own fault.
No confidence. Stubborn to a fault. Instead of acknowledging others opinions as valid and accepting it, I counter them all. I prove that I am nothing. Stubborn enough to prove that. NO good reason to do so.
I have to move myself. Need to do things. I'm sitting on catch 22. I want motivation to move. I have no motivation. When I'm motivated I'll go on ahead. I am waiting for that push, though I should just get up and move myself.
The reason I don't update with anything besides this emo crap is that I have nothing to update here for. I just feel like I need to say this now. Any other time I don't need to say anything or there is nothing to say.
While I shoot myself in the foot by opening the wound, again.
I need a 2x4 to the head. Someone to put me back to my senses... too bad I don't let anyone know that.
I keep going back. I should stop looking, I go and see anyway, then open the wounds again.
All my journals are about me complaining on the failings I have caused myself. I haven't learned anything new, I have not grown up. There is so much to the world; I keep myself hidden.
I hate failing, so I won't try. Can't fail if you don't try. Can't succeed either.
Just to let go... Instead of ...something else... all I do is feel sad about the past the been broken. The world has moved on, it's happier now. I still sit here, stuck in 3 years ago, seeing what was and not wanting to go forward.
I caused that failing so hard; it's my own fault.
No confidence. Stubborn to a fault. Instead of acknowledging others opinions as valid and accepting it, I counter them all. I prove that I am nothing. Stubborn enough to prove that. NO good reason to do so.
I have to move myself. Need to do things. I'm sitting on catch 22. I want motivation to move. I have no motivation. When I'm motivated I'll go on ahead. I am waiting for that push, though I should just get up and move myself.
The reason I don't update with anything besides this emo crap is that I have nothing to update here for. I just feel like I need to say this now. Any other time I don't need to say anything or there is nothing to say.
While I shoot myself in the foot by opening the wound, again.
I need a 2x4 to the head. Someone to put me back to my senses... too bad I don't let anyone know that.
