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just ignore
18 years ago
..well I haven't posted a journal here for a while. Little (read: no) reason to actually do so. As much as I've been online I haven't really been online. Haven't been checking messages. It's at 2k submissions. I've been going through journals but rarely ever leave a comment, let along comment on the pieces I'm not even looking at... That doesn't include SA, or DA. Both of which is quite a bit less checked (read: not at all).
Just playing Monster Hunter Freedom 2. Keeping as little thought from my mind as I can. Tired of thinking, dwelling on things. The past continues to pick at me, and that doesn't help my present.
Trying other jobs to help with money, no idea how those will fair, but gotta keep at it and see where that goes.
...leech... can't motivate myself, require others to do so. My personality clashes on that not being motivating and taking away the drive from others. Constant nagging plus other issues have caused problems with me to others. It's all my own fault and something I should be changing... but I'm not.
I am me. Others are themselves. I don't usually compare people to another since they are not the same so can't effectively compare, and that's true on just about all other things besides people. Then I compare myself... just see faults. Everything I've done can be done better, can be replaced in all instances. Nothing that would be exclusive to me. The last couple sentences is really a different issue. As for my own faults, I just don't see any benefits from me. Lack of knowledge in every subject, the ones I do know are still not even that much anyway.
...I'm too used to being at the bottom. Everything has led down here. ...well not everything but I don't think about the good, just dwell on the bad, which there is a lot of. Need a push to get going, but then again I push back, trying to stay in the rut I've set up. Why I do so? I have no idea and really need something to spur me forward. I should have something but ... for some reason I don't. I do have something that should be spurring me forward but I take the spur, I just sit there, and if nothing else dig deeper.
...hours later after playing monster hunter... still the same, though hours past without anything to say here. *thinks depression... * don't want to but habit it is...
Just playing Monster Hunter Freedom 2. Keeping as little thought from my mind as I can. Tired of thinking, dwelling on things. The past continues to pick at me, and that doesn't help my present.
Trying other jobs to help with money, no idea how those will fair, but gotta keep at it and see where that goes.
...leech... can't motivate myself, require others to do so. My personality clashes on that not being motivating and taking away the drive from others. Constant nagging plus other issues have caused problems with me to others. It's all my own fault and something I should be changing... but I'm not.
I am me. Others are themselves. I don't usually compare people to another since they are not the same so can't effectively compare, and that's true on just about all other things besides people. Then I compare myself... just see faults. Everything I've done can be done better, can be replaced in all instances. Nothing that would be exclusive to me. The last couple sentences is really a different issue. As for my own faults, I just don't see any benefits from me. Lack of knowledge in every subject, the ones I do know are still not even that much anyway.
...I'm too used to being at the bottom. Everything has led down here. ...well not everything but I don't think about the good, just dwell on the bad, which there is a lot of. Need a push to get going, but then again I push back, trying to stay in the rut I've set up. Why I do so? I have no idea and really need something to spur me forward. I should have something but ... for some reason I don't. I do have something that should be spurring me forward but I take the spur, I just sit there, and if nothing else dig deeper.
...hours later after playing monster hunter... still the same, though hours past without anything to say here. *thinks depression... * don't want to but habit it is...
