FA+
Shop
It's official: the "waiting game" sucks.
12 years ago
As my best friends know already, yesterday I put in an application for a lease on an apartment. This is the single over-arching goal I've been working toward for the past four years. Everything I've done has been to step closer to getting back out on my own. In December I was talked out of doing it. I wasn't happy, but in the end, it wasn't quite time. Now, the only thing left is to actually take the final step and get back out. With any luck, that process is now underway.
I have the income I need to support myself. It's a tight budget, but it works and I can keep putting money in my savings. And instead of living paycheck to paycheck like I did last time, I'll have a $10k safety net to fall back on.
I have the money, I have the credit score, my debts are long since paid. The only thing that concerns me is my rental history. I didn't leave my last apartment in good terms. I don't think it counts as an eviction and I can't find that anywhere in my history. Therefore, I don't think it'll be a problem, but I can't help wonder. And worry.
Beyond the concerns about my past, I also worry about telling mom. I wanted her to be involved this time. I felt it would make things go smoother. But she has resisted me at almost every step of the way. She's fine with looking at apartments and she's fine with talking about them. But as soon as the subject of actually applying comes up, she's suddenly silent. I wanted this time to be different. And maybe it will be. But this is still something that I have to do myself. She won't like it, but what can she do? If I'm approved, then the process has started and it's not in her power to stop. She can't withdraw support, I'm doing this on my own merit and finances. If she threatens to kick me out, I have somewhere to go. And if, God forbid, I'm not approved, then there's no harm done and I know what I need to deal with. I can't deal with what I can't see. It occurred to me the other day that, despite having the best intentions, with mom involved, nothing was happening. Sure I was looking at apartments and I was saving money, but what good does it do to find a place I like if I'm not going to do anything about it?
So I did. I've taken charge of the situation and I'm trying to move forward. All I have to do right now is wait for an answer. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm hopeful. And I'm waiting.
Waiting sucks.
I have the income I need to support myself. It's a tight budget, but it works and I can keep putting money in my savings. And instead of living paycheck to paycheck like I did last time, I'll have a $10k safety net to fall back on.
I have the money, I have the credit score, my debts are long since paid. The only thing that concerns me is my rental history. I didn't leave my last apartment in good terms. I don't think it counts as an eviction and I can't find that anywhere in my history. Therefore, I don't think it'll be a problem, but I can't help wonder. And worry.
Beyond the concerns about my past, I also worry about telling mom. I wanted her to be involved this time. I felt it would make things go smoother. But she has resisted me at almost every step of the way. She's fine with looking at apartments and she's fine with talking about them. But as soon as the subject of actually applying comes up, she's suddenly silent. I wanted this time to be different. And maybe it will be. But this is still something that I have to do myself. She won't like it, but what can she do? If I'm approved, then the process has started and it's not in her power to stop. She can't withdraw support, I'm doing this on my own merit and finances. If she threatens to kick me out, I have somewhere to go. And if, God forbid, I'm not approved, then there's no harm done and I know what I need to deal with. I can't deal with what I can't see. It occurred to me the other day that, despite having the best intentions, with mom involved, nothing was happening. Sure I was looking at apartments and I was saving money, but what good does it do to find a place I like if I'm not going to do anything about it?
So I did. I've taken charge of the situation and I'm trying to move forward. All I have to do right now is wait for an answer. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm hopeful. And I'm waiting.
Waiting sucks.
