A very dear person in my life told me he constantly fears losing the ones who care. That he will say something, do something or just out of the blue we will leave.

This awakened a feeling I have been able to supress for almost half a year. Something which took crying and very stern but loving talking by my boyfriend to fix.

I am scared I will lose the ones dear to me, I am scared I will just not be good enough anymore... That the little bit of future I actually saw, will be never. That it will disappear... I am really scared... that I will be alone...

Recent happenings at my internship have kept me busy, able to not think about how I miss my love, how all I want is just being liked by the people I care for and not having to worry I will mess something up again. But my days off, are getting longer again. I am getting more time to realise what my brains are really thinking about.

My dearest are not to blame for these feelings I have. They often support me and tell me how I will never lose them. I can not blame them for feelings I always have, which root from past let downs and disappointments. They are the ones who will stick with me, but who I doupt daily if they will like me the next day.

Even now, as I am typing this and talking to one of the people who cares about me, I am wondering. "Am I really worth it for them? Or will I not be good enough tommorow" "Will, I be forgotten and alone"

I am sorry for this ranting, is it a ranting? I dont even know... But thank you for reading it if you did.


Will be off to bed now, hoping I wake up and everything is good and without worries.