No I totally agree with you.

It was almost cathartic for me reading your insight, because I think you very much hit the nail on the head and to be honest, for example with me growing up, because of where my mental space was I would often feel.. Stretched thin and overwhelmed with many aspects of life, that most people would consider essential and normal and I saw kinks where I took on a submissive or even typically female role, as me wanting someone to take care of me so I didn't have to, I haven't completely changed in that regard and I still struggle even now with those feelings, but as I've grown older I feel I've finally found somewhere, where I can be open, comfortable and content, so although I still have these kinks, they have lessen and I have slowly become much more open to roles, where I am the one in control, like it's reflecting my new found comfort/confidence.

Although I think it really depends on the person, because I can easily see scenarios where.. Let's say someone felt like they had no control in their life, they might use being dominant or in command as a way of re-establishing that lost control. So I definitely do think there is something very primal about kinks, that is just sewed into human nature, heck.. the natural of animals in general.

I aren't always the biggest fan of the furry fandom and there is a lot about it I feel ashamed about, but.. Having said that I do think exposure to so many different people and ideas, in a way is sort of a good thing, but it depends on the kind of person you, because some people may find a click and settle, whereas I would argue it's good to always challenge yourself and even put yourself in situations you may not always be comfortable with, we're very adaptable and it's not gonna kill us at the very least, obviously some circles are very damaging and enabling, so at least being aware of the warning signs, y'know? Maybe writing notes, although in the moment it's not always easy to realise. '^';

The sad thing I can totally relate to the getting into the fandom because of the sexual side xD my first exposure to the Fandom (not necessarily furries), was around 15 I had visited this site a few times, since I discovered my body reacted to the art and etc (you can probably use your imagination), but yeah it started off sexual, but I then settled into liking it for less superficial reasons and started to truly appreciate the art form and the types of stories you could tell, whether through writing, art or some other form of expression, so I got more engaged made some friends, many that haven't stuck around, but in that time I was able to discover and learn more about myself and I think that, at least has been valuable and I don't regret it, I'm not always "proud", but I respect and appreciate it broadening my mind.

As far as your fantasies, as someone who definitely knows all too well the power of the mind and how powerful an image can be I get it, nor do I judge you having those thoughts and feelings, things from fantasy, don't always translate to real life, not only that, even if it did, most people know what's appropriate vs what isn't, when you cross that line, that's when it's a problem, but otherwise I have no issue with it. I very much agree with the whole "Fantasy is the spice of life" and more crucially, that it is just that, "fantasy".

I think it was quite brave of you to talk about this and even commendable you recognized it was becoming a problem, it takes quite a lot of strength to admit that to yourself, I'm proud of you for finding the courage, hopefully because you are able to admit that, the rest of healing can begin, as far as I'm concerned just saying it has began that process, you can do it! And I hope you can feel content with yourself and hopefully come out of this, with a greater understanding of who you are, as well as feel much more balanced as a person.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be "fixed", people can help of course, but ultimately it needs to come from you. I aren't always able to love myself, like wise sometimes I am selfish and expect things to work out, when in reality I have to put in the work, to make things right/better.

I appreciate you talking about this, it was nice to take a dive into your world, but for me I hope you talking about this, sort of took some of the edge off, it must be tough not being able to say these things out loud, because of the obvious, but at the very least, as a friend I won't judge, nor to sum you up as a lost cause, you've always been very pleasant and a pleasure to talk to and your "kink/kinks" don't define you, there is plenty to you, that extends beyond those things and ultimately they are tiny part of you, even if they feel huge sometimes.

One last thing, just continuing on from the kinks.

Some kinks I feel sometimes come from a very normal or primal/animalistic place. Let's take a kink like water sports. On the surface, it's like ew human waste, but.. The if you change the framing, the idea of being "marked" or "marking" another person, might be a form of being dominated or establishing dominance, similar to how an animal pees on their territory to be like, yo this is mine! So the whole being peed on or peeing on a person, is a way of enhancing those feelings of ownership or even you feeling closer, because of that more primal connection, does that make sense?

That's just one example there are several I could go into, like.. Macro, Micro? Power dynamics, feeling helpless vs feeling in control. I feel like a lot of kinks can be summed up to that, not always of course, but it for sure seems like an on going theme.

What about pregnancy fetish? Easy.. What's more primal than the need to reproduce.

My point is I feel like there is a ton of phycology that goes into fetishes and kinks, all you need to ask is.. What about this, do I like? Once you ask that question, you can slowly make your from one connection to another, until eventually find the source.

I hope I was able to contribute and that you feel like I understood what you were going for with your journal.

You have contributed greatly, it means a lot that someone understands so well and cares enough to give me such in depth feedback and encouragement.

As for the primality of kinks I think I agree that it's where most comes from and I think part of that also fuels some of my kinks like a few mentioned above. But thinking about those kinks, I think they are side-business to the kinks i'm most into and which are so connected by the control thing.


We should talk on telegram again sometime. It's easier than posting lengthy TLDR sized journals and replies ;)

Okay, good! Apologies I just didn't wanna miss the mark. xD and aww, it's no problem I enjoy giving my input I just hope the length isn't an issue since.. I do know, mountains of text can sometimes be difficult to climb or at the very least time consuming.

Ah I see, hmm... When it comes to the whole control kink, would you say.. You've gotten all the way to the bottom of it? Like.. Meaning you've asked yourself why you like it and got to the root of it? I know you had touched on the whole.. "you wanting someone to help you" so.. Maybe we should next ask, what are the things in your life, you feel you are imbalanced? and how can we maybe address those issues, perhaps that might have your answer.

I'd be down, although I don't telegram I had a really negative experience on that, so I just have stuck with the reliable ones I've used for years, not only that when it comes to friendships I don't really have that many, not by choice, it just happened eventually, so a lot of the time I don't really talk to people (again not because I don't want to, just circumstance). Nowadays I mostly spend my time, working on.. Self improvement, whether this be via hobbies, like art or music or.. Through, educating myself through learning stuff, for instance I like watching documentaries and lately I've taken an interest in linguistics as well as a bit of history.

I agree.. xD apologies for how much I write.

Bash did hit on a good point though.. If you know or can find someone who perhaps shares a lot of same interests (the stuff you mentioned above), that might also be a way to figure yourself out, by having someone who is going through similar struggles, you just need to be careful you don't enable one another xD, because it can be easy to fall into that and sadly I'm guilty of getting into bad habits via that, so.. If you do, just make sure part of your head is aware, keeping a diary or something could help you track your progress and give you some perspective.

Last thing, don't let anyone take advantage of you, if you're not sure or have any doubts. I can understand the temptation, but.. You need to do it safely, with someone you trust and that has a track record of being good to you, it doesn't need to be a someone you like romantically, it can be a friend, but just make sure, you go slow and are careful.

Okay done now, sorry. 'w'

Oh don't get me wrong I am very happy with the lengthy replies. It shows care and portrays your message a lot better. I just meant to say it's easier chatting than having to connect over deep long messages :P Please feel good about giving me good feedback. Sorry if it came off as negative I was trying to joke a little ;)

Oh I know several of the "Unbalanced" things in my life, it's why I went to look for professional help. I hope to adress those issues there and with a trained person to help me realize what it is that's at the core. Though I think the loss of control kinks might also play a role in that. (I hope?)

Ah, I've heard more people say they've had bad experiences with Telegram, still very happy with it sofar so I'll keep using it. Self improvement is part of my journey eventually so i'll get there too. I guess we'll have to connect over PM here on FA then huh? It'll give us time to type out messages ;)

Pfff please write all you want, i'd rather get lengthy answers than "k, bye" and "sucks bro, good luck" (though I appreciate all that care ^^)

I've been looking for someone for a long time now, it's just not easy finding someone like that which I superficially also like the looks of. I've noticed if i'm to open up about these things and give in in real life, I have to really get past someone's looks before I can let them in. It feels shit and it certainly doesn't help my search but for now that's what I got. Online I can discuss a lot more as it's safer but nothing will happen in terms of giving in or submitting as I can control everything as much as i want or don't want. And if people go through similar things i tend to help them and not discuss my own issues as much.

I won't let people take advantage of me other than my boss who overworks me :P But in terms of these subjects and possibilities it'll take a lot to get me to trust someone so I think taking advantage will be hard to do, and since the looks department is important sadly, I will not likely rush things.

Don't be sorry and thanks tons for your help and insight ^^

Ah okay! I won't worry about it then, also nah you're fine I am just overly cautious since I don't like upsetting people, even if it comes from a place of enthusiasm/care.

Ooooohhh, okay I gotcha. x3 Have you been yet? or not quite yet? I know with Covid it might be harder to get checked, but hopefully you have an appointment booked at least.

Yeah that's fine by me I do use the social media of hell, that is twitter.. lol to be fair.. I really don't use many socials, this is a social for me lol, facebook I only use for family, since.. living abroad.. and as for other stuff Skype still, it's never given me issues so I never felt the need to move, as far as I am aware they removed ads I haven't seen any in ages at least, other than those mentioned I can't think, when I was a kid/teenager I mostly used MSN for socialising I guess.. steam is another one now they I think about it.

lol I snorted at the "k, bye" I just imagine someone being like "YEAH COOL STORY BRO *LEAVES*" and aww yay! I'm glad, because it does come from a place of wanting you to be alright and being able to help, if only as reassurance or comfort, y'know?

Yeah I can imagine that can make things difficult, for me.. Looks have always been second, when I was in school often people would be like "Ooo look at her she is fit" (basically just saying attractive) and a lot of my school friends found me weird, because I would be the one that had either nothing to say or say she's pretty, but.. it was obvious when I said it, it wasn't necessarily in an "attraction" way. I do feel attraction, but usually that comes when a connection is forged, as for looks I do definitely have turn offs or things that at the very least make me think, yeah that ain't a good luck.. But usually it has to be pretty bad, otherwise I am not super picky looks wise.

It's fine for attraction to be important to you I mean, don't get me wrong I am not picky, but I wouldn't settle for absolutely anyone. I think I could.. But I feel like the lack of attraction would end up being a problem. At the end of the day as soon as you involve another person, both parties need to be happy, so if you're not, y'know.. It's what it is and it's not right, having said that there is no need to rush either. I feel like as long as you are okay mostly despite this want, then it can wait, y'know? Hopefully it'll come whenever it comes, there's no harm in looking, but otherwise no rush. It's good of you to be offering such positive support, that should hopefully come back to you. : )

"Oh yeah big daddy boss man.. Work me to the bone- ... er" lol apologies, that's okay I have a ton of trust issues, hence why I am more of a private person, but I do consider you a friend, so I don't mind opening up to you, it's probably a good thing though, it might be frustrating if you want to now, but.. good things come in time.

'w' no problem!

Making appointment soon after GP referral because laws and money. Covid's been remarkably easy to work around with online meets and stuff I hear.

I mean I use twitter, it's a sinpit account but I guess that's a way to talk :P I gave up on FB and i think skype is owned by them now hence me being hesitant to use it as I prefer my information to stay where i can atleast imagine it's not shared all over the world with every single scamcompany out there ^^" But I guess most companies already share it so might aswell reopen skype. I'll see :P I hardly ever use steam, I'm pretty sure I got you on there but I just never chat that way.

The k, bye is actually still very polite considering how many people really thing TLDR and just don't say anything. Which I get and I know some of them care but just aren't up for reading all that or might be affected by it because of their own troubles but it's funny to think there is indeed people who'd fave or like this journal if they could and just go on scrolling. f5 or what is it?

It does, but yeah I've got a love and i've got friends and people i share stuff with but sexually I have to think someone attractive or have a real good bond somehow to do things. And being open helps in getting to explore who and what i like physically and to bond with someone but eh. It's a thing I guess.
I wouldn't rush it, but I would hopefully make progress pretty quickly so I can work with it instead of having to wait forever, I am certainly picky but also lucky to be able to find nice people to enjoy sex with, now just need someone i can enjoy submitting too like that >w< And who'd want to take me that far XP

That, is one of the most disturbing thoughts i could ever have XD My boss is not in anyway approachable or tap'ble.
Happy you still see me as a friend and I do too with you, been too long since we talked but that's what I do a lot, i wanna talk but i just forget and also hide away with food to comfort me instead of chatting like I used to. I don't wanna have good stuff with time I want it now >3<

Oh that's great to hear! :D I had seen that others has had issue with that, so I am glad you've not had to.

I take sinpit.. xD is an R18 account? Gosh darn it, mines SFW xD I can understand giving up on it. I am so surprised after so many years, how poorly optimised FB is, it's so slow, yeah this isn't the best laptop, but other websites function so much better than that one. I am glad I'm working towards a better PC, also like I said it is just to keep in touch with family, so I mostly just use the messenger.

I think Skype is owned by Microsoft.. I may need to check that though, if you have a windows account, usually you have a skype as default, likewise it comes with Windows 10.

Oh don't get me wrong I totally am behind you, like I said I am extreeeemely private now, at least more so when I was teen. I had been looking through some of my old journals and achieving them, so I could have them as diaries to know where my life was at those times, but yeah, it's uncomfortable reading as an adult approaching 27.

I did clean up steam, because I'd had it since.. 2008 and as a result racked up a lot of "friends" that I don't even interact with, so I did a big clean out, so if you are still on there I'm not sure what name you'd go under.

It depends what that person was like, if I knew they were quite jokey I wouldn't take it personally, otherwise if it were some rando, I'd have to gauge it more. For me it mostly depends on energy levels, but often I do try and reach out, especially if I feel like I'd be listened to, because when I was in my teens I would often make journals and you could tell I was wanting to connect with other people, but a lot of the time no one ever bothered with me, so partly because of that I do try and reach out more, just be like, hey you're valid, I like you and what you have to say is of worth, y'know? Besides it gives me a chance to catch up, like we're doing now. x) F5 is refresh I actually don't know what the command for back space is, even then on if I go on a submission/journal I usually just click my subs or profile. xP

Ah I see : ) I can very much relate, well.. less with the friends one, but regardless I am in a happy place x3 just encase I sounded desperate I'm not. Ah okay understood x) I did know someone that dated by going to the bar and picking up girls and to me.. That is such a foreign concept I've only ever dated online, with possibly one exception and that was in school. lol, for me I am pretty closed when it comes to that stuff, but I don't judge those that are closed when it comes to partner, with the exception of sexual encounters I think some people don't work well in typical relationship structures, so sometimes they just need to have that freedom to explore, so it's good you're with someone that is comfortable and allows you to do that. Hopefully you can have that experience eventually I am naturally submissive, but I do less *cough*analstuff*cough, cough* because.. It can be quite straining, plus it requires a lot of prep, so I just do more vanilla stuff nowadays, neither of us mind though, which is good.

xD haha sorry I had feeling.. And psh I mean.. You and me have never had a bad talk, not only that I don't always judge a friendship based on how much time I talk to the other person, for instance back in England I had a college friend called Jade, that I used to go months and even years without talking, but we could easily meet up and have a lovely time, like wise just sparking up conversation, also it's no problem I mean I aren't the most social so I often need to recharge my batteries a lot, otherwise I do enjoy talking in the moment, but I definitely need a few days after. xD

If that is truly how you feel, you could maybe look if there are forums about that stuff or a group you can look into or something, depending how brave you feel of course.

Have a common denominator among sexual interests is not something uncommon, neither is it for them to have developed from childhood experiences.
What stands out in your story is the fact you're aware of this common denominator and that you couple it to a possible cry for help. Perhaps this is actually your way of baring the depths of your feelings - indirectly, because that is safer. As you mention, there is a great deal of 'patients and subs' that are openly helped by dominants, and they do find happiness. What about the likes of you, who do harbor the same interests, but do not publicly showcase it? Must be a ton of them out there, so you can assume you're not the first who made connections like this and kept quiet about it.
I know you are a sober individual, but perhaps you have to delve deeper into the world of dominance and submissiveness, and find someone whom you can open yourself up to entirely, and who accepts you entirely. Someone who can truly help you tackle obstacles you've been running into the better of the last two decades. And I know, it's a lot of work, and it's scary to open up (never rush it), but this might just be the key. As you said, you've been around this fandom for a while and you know what you like. That's already so much safer than people who are just starting out and also give kink for remedy a try.
Trying doesn't hurt - doing nothing does. You've gotta experiment with this to figure out whether it can help or not.

shweety, Y U NO just tell me this to my face. You're sitting next to me :P

But thanks for the insight, it's helpful and some of it is stuff we've discussed I guess ^^"