I was doing some thinking and thankfully now I got time to take a break before tomorrow might be snow maybe I don't know. But the title for this journal I am getting back on my meds for ADD. Reasons are I can't have distractions when I work. Even my emotions as well. Which is why I called a doctor and on the 28th I will be getting my ADD meds. But there is a side effect and I know because I took them before. My brothers have that problem as well but it makes them quiet. Once I take that medicine pretty much my emotions shut down. Like if something hilarious comes up nothing comes out of me no laugh or anything and when I see something sad or hurts me I won't feel it. Pretty much I will be like Raven on Teen Titans. Thats how I was when I took them. I am depressed enough. When I stopped taking them I was finally you know happy and I know what it felt like. I felt amazing and free from it. But after like so much of depression and shit happenings over the years I felt like regretted from stop taking my ADD medicine. Once I take them again I gonna be pretty much a robot. Plus I am fine with it though I mean I got college to think about and I can't have all this mess with me and maybe after college I will still keep it and use it for the rest of my life. I am taking them to focus on college but to never feel pain again. I am done with that guys enough is enough of pain only sad part is I won't smile anymore. So right now I am enjoying Pinkie Pies smile song and other stuff to make me laugh at least before the 28th hits. I made my decision and its final. Just know its me but not the guy who has any emotions anymore.