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Sliding down a superficial slope...
11 years ago
Well once again, the media and society has got me riled up. I was going to post a journal regarding friendships and relationships BUT it can wait...at least for now while I address something else.
Earlier today, I was reading an article about Ronda Rousey- for those of you unfamiliar with her, she's an UFC (ultimate fighting championship) fighter, not to mention she pretty dang good at judo...judo! A woman that can kick your ass and pin you into submission if you catch her on a bad day? Hell yeah, strong, kickbutt female for the win! And while I'll admit I'm not personally a fan of her, I respect her because she's a female that's pushed herself to get what she wants out of life and isn't afraid to take on anyone that tries to get in her way...
Anyway, that wasn't what the article was about: basically the writer of the article was commenting on Ronda's body type: how it's muscular and toned, yet she still manages to look feminine. The writer said that this [body type] is the ideal women should aim for- hence giving them a sense of confidence, inner strength, while feeling sexy as well, or as the writer defines it, "Strong is the new sexy, and strong is the new thin." While this statement is the writer's opinion, it's fair and understandable to a degree: there's nothing wrong with a woman having a built, muscular, athletic body type and -still- managing to look sexy, right?
...apparently not. As I read over some of the comments in the article's section- the majority of which from men of course, I was reminded of how ignorant and close-minded our society and the standards they set for how women should look and/or act. Here's a few comments from the article:
1) "Yeah sorry "strong is the new sexy and new thin"......no it's not. I admire her dedication to keeping her body in top shape, but normal people don't have that time, and most males will not find a masculine body attractive. If I see muscles on a female I'm not interested."
2) "There are three things that are always attractive and always will be: big boobs, big butt, slim waist."
3) "Don't already have too much attitude, hostility, and violence in the world without turning women into men? As a man, it's a complete turnoff!"
*pulls out my sword and starts to sharpen it at that last comment, growling a bit* Did I mention I really abhor the male gender at times? Because I do with such a passion (no offense to the few decent guys still left out there; you're excused for now). However, just to show I’m not completely biased, I'll throw in a comment posted from a random female as well:
"Well there is no doubt strong and healthy is a great ideal, but in my opinion that will be even more of an unachievable goal than thin. Yep, most women have like 10 minutes to focus on fitness. So now they have to concentrate not only eating just right but lifting, calisthenics, cardio, etc At least some women had a natural propensity to be thin, I know of no women who naturally looks like this. Work that job, birth and raise those babies but be sure your fit as an Olympic athlete...no problem."
*facepalms* Okay, so I don't care much for many females either- I think I just hate most people in general, LOL. So let me get this straight: it’s okay for a guy to be muscular and toned but if a female has muscles or doesn’t look “feminine” enough, she’s not attractive? Really?! Say it with me now: backwards ass double standard. Is society that damn superficial and ignorant? [No need to answer that because I already know the answer to that] Now while I’ll admit I don’t care much for women that are so muscle-bound they look masculine or look like they’re taking steroids, I don’t see the problem with a woman building –some- tone and muscle in her biceps, quads, abs, and other areas to look and feel good about herself while being healthy. And contrary to the naysayers out there, it IS attainable to do cardio, lifting, and eating right while juggling work , responsibilities, and a life. Hell, if I can do it as lazy and tired as I am from work most days, then so can anyone else that’s so “busy.” Thankfully, I don’t have rugrats so that might be a factor that works in my favor… but regardless, I’m sure there are women out there that can maintain this lifestyle under all those conditions. Even moving around a little each day can make a difference. For example, earlier at work, a girl from another department in the hospital bought over some boxes full of electrolyte fluid to our department. She warned me that they were heavy and one of the guys from housekeeping that was standing nearby offered to pick it up for me instead. I glanced at the boxes, and asked the girl how heavy was each box. She just said "heavy." I picked up one of the boxes- and not to sound cocky but the box was maybe a medium sized box that weighed maybe 8-10lbs, if that! I went ahead and carried the boxes myself, lol. I mean, I lift 5-10lbs dumbbells when I work out most days so maybe that's why the weight didn't bother me but come on! Are today’s girls really that dainty and out of shape, that anything over 3-5 lbs is too much to carry nowadays?
…then again, that probably explains why when I bought a pair of dumbbells a few months ago, the girl at the register was struggling to pick them up and scan them for me *chuckles* I mean…how awful
But wow, the standards people have set as their ideals for relationships and how they want their partner to look is so superficial. I always hear people say, "I don't care how he/she looks, as long as they make me happy or have a good personality..." Right...I'm sorry but that's bull, at least in most cases. Unfortunately, nowadays it's very rare to meet someone that puts personality over looks. If you’re one of the few that genuinely fall into that category, kudos to you. Seriously, I’d love to shake your hand. But! I'm getting off topic- a discussion for another day...
To sum this up, or tl;dr because I know how lazy some of your furs are: apparently most people, male and female, don’t care much for women that have athletic, bulky, muscular type builds because it’s not attractive or sexy. However, and this is what kills me, nor do they want a woman that’s obese either. If you’re too skinny, something’s wrong with you. So what DO today’s man and woman consider an “ideal body type” then? Most of you will say “average”- but then even that’s a vague description because guess what? What’s average to someone is probably considered overweight or too thin to someone else so we’re right back to where we started- judging people based on their looks rather than the person and how he/she acts
Now if you’ll all excuse me, apparently I need to go find a 15lb ammo box and carry it around until I’m toned and in kickbutt shape so I can teach some “friends” that need a lesson on why it’s not wise to challenge a wolfcat to wrestle. Rambling aside, I will be posting some commissions later on, probably sometime this weekend or later next week; I’m just lazy right now…for those of you just watching my account to see Whisper in her beautiful fury and rage. Otherwise, hope everyone is well and behaving yourselves…
Haha, look who I’m talking to, “behave yourselves...” that'll be the day. Later!
Edit- Whoa, did not expect so many replies, much less interesting (and lengthy) ones at that! Definitely having fun reading and replying to them. Plus, it keeps me on my toes with some of your replies. Thanks you guys for putting up with my neverending rants and rambling...
Earlier today, I was reading an article about Ronda Rousey- for those of you unfamiliar with her, she's an UFC (ultimate fighting championship) fighter, not to mention she pretty dang good at judo...judo! A woman that can kick your ass and pin you into submission if you catch her on a bad day? Hell yeah, strong, kickbutt female for the win! And while I'll admit I'm not personally a fan of her, I respect her because she's a female that's pushed herself to get what she wants out of life and isn't afraid to take on anyone that tries to get in her way...
Anyway, that wasn't what the article was about: basically the writer of the article was commenting on Ronda's body type: how it's muscular and toned, yet she still manages to look feminine. The writer said that this [body type] is the ideal women should aim for- hence giving them a sense of confidence, inner strength, while feeling sexy as well, or as the writer defines it, "Strong is the new sexy, and strong is the new thin." While this statement is the writer's opinion, it's fair and understandable to a degree: there's nothing wrong with a woman having a built, muscular, athletic body type and -still- managing to look sexy, right?
...apparently not. As I read over some of the comments in the article's section- the majority of which from men of course, I was reminded of how ignorant and close-minded our society and the standards they set for how women should look and/or act. Here's a few comments from the article:
1) "Yeah sorry "strong is the new sexy and new thin"......no it's not. I admire her dedication to keeping her body in top shape, but normal people don't have that time, and most males will not find a masculine body attractive. If I see muscles on a female I'm not interested."
2) "There are three things that are always attractive and always will be: big boobs, big butt, slim waist."
3) "Don't already have too much attitude, hostility, and violence in the world without turning women into men? As a man, it's a complete turnoff!"
*pulls out my sword and starts to sharpen it at that last comment, growling a bit* Did I mention I really abhor the male gender at times? Because I do with such a passion (no offense to the few decent guys still left out there; you're excused for now). However, just to show I’m not completely biased, I'll throw in a comment posted from a random female as well:
"Well there is no doubt strong and healthy is a great ideal, but in my opinion that will be even more of an unachievable goal than thin. Yep, most women have like 10 minutes to focus on fitness. So now they have to concentrate not only eating just right but lifting, calisthenics, cardio, etc At least some women had a natural propensity to be thin, I know of no women who naturally looks like this. Work that job, birth and raise those babies but be sure your fit as an Olympic athlete...no problem."
*facepalms* Okay, so I don't care much for many females either- I think I just hate most people in general, LOL. So let me get this straight: it’s okay for a guy to be muscular and toned but if a female has muscles or doesn’t look “feminine” enough, she’s not attractive? Really?! Say it with me now: backwards ass double standard. Is society that damn superficial and ignorant? [No need to answer that because I already know the answer to that] Now while I’ll admit I don’t care much for women that are so muscle-bound they look masculine or look like they’re taking steroids, I don’t see the problem with a woman building –some- tone and muscle in her biceps, quads, abs, and other areas to look and feel good about herself while being healthy. And contrary to the naysayers out there, it IS attainable to do cardio, lifting, and eating right while juggling work , responsibilities, and a life. Hell, if I can do it as lazy and tired as I am from work most days, then so can anyone else that’s so “busy.” Thankfully, I don’t have rugrats so that might be a factor that works in my favor… but regardless, I’m sure there are women out there that can maintain this lifestyle under all those conditions. Even moving around a little each day can make a difference. For example, earlier at work, a girl from another department in the hospital bought over some boxes full of electrolyte fluid to our department. She warned me that they were heavy and one of the guys from housekeeping that was standing nearby offered to pick it up for me instead. I glanced at the boxes, and asked the girl how heavy was each box. She just said "heavy." I picked up one of the boxes- and not to sound cocky but the box was maybe a medium sized box that weighed maybe 8-10lbs, if that! I went ahead and carried the boxes myself, lol. I mean, I lift 5-10lbs dumbbells when I work out most days so maybe that's why the weight didn't bother me but come on! Are today’s girls really that dainty and out of shape, that anything over 3-5 lbs is too much to carry nowadays?
…then again, that probably explains why when I bought a pair of dumbbells a few months ago, the girl at the register was struggling to pick them up and scan them for me *chuckles* I mean…how awful
But wow, the standards people have set as their ideals for relationships and how they want their partner to look is so superficial. I always hear people say, "I don't care how he/she looks, as long as they make me happy or have a good personality..." Right...I'm sorry but that's bull, at least in most cases. Unfortunately, nowadays it's very rare to meet someone that puts personality over looks. If you’re one of the few that genuinely fall into that category, kudos to you. Seriously, I’d love to shake your hand. But! I'm getting off topic- a discussion for another day...
To sum this up, or tl;dr because I know how lazy some of your furs are: apparently most people, male and female, don’t care much for women that have athletic, bulky, muscular type builds because it’s not attractive or sexy. However, and this is what kills me, nor do they want a woman that’s obese either. If you’re too skinny, something’s wrong with you. So what DO today’s man and woman consider an “ideal body type” then? Most of you will say “average”- but then even that’s a vague description because guess what? What’s average to someone is probably considered overweight or too thin to someone else so we’re right back to where we started- judging people based on their looks rather than the person and how he/she acts
Now if you’ll all excuse me, apparently I need to go find a 15lb ammo box and carry it around until I’m toned and in kickbutt shape so I can teach some “friends” that need a lesson on why it’s not wise to challenge a wolfcat to wrestle. Rambling aside, I will be posting some commissions later on, probably sometime this weekend or later next week; I’m just lazy right now…for those of you just watching my account to see Whisper in her beautiful fury and rage. Otherwise, hope everyone is well and behaving yourselves…
Haha, look who I’m talking to, “behave yourselves...” that'll be the day. Later!
Edit- Whoa, did not expect so many replies, much less interesting (and lengthy) ones at that! Definitely having fun reading and replying to them. Plus, it keeps me on my toes with some of your replies. Thanks you guys for putting up with my neverending rants and rambling...
...are we forgetting who is behind said media and influences it? Us (people). So as bs and stupid as it may be, the fact remains is that is how people feel- not ALL of them thankfully, but thanks to the power of the internet and other media sources, people can troll and express their opinions without fear of caring what others think because they can hide behind a facade of who they really are.
Yes, there are tons of double standards that hit men and women- and I'm not afraid to address either (yeah, I'll defend men...if and when it's justified; I'm not some close minded feminist).
In the meantime, I reserve the right to express my disdain for how ignorant most of your gender is. Remember, my rants shouldn't be taken -too- seriously...
I think I got a rare pair of them.
...and people wonder why I'm so spiteful and hate the male gender, I haven't met many to prove me wrong otherwise, lol
and lol
But yeah, most people are dumbasses, male and female...ignorance comes in all races and genders
I don't hate you..I don't hate any guy until he does something to get on my bad side, which usually doesn't take much effort nowadays- and I'm a patient person but some people just know how to push my wrong buttons
...and oh my gosh, these replies to this journal, so long. Note to self, make next journal shorter...err, at least by my standards. But no, I'm far from awesome. I'm just, well me *shrugs*
Well that's what makes you awesome you're genuinely a good person :) I have to pry conversations out of you but you're still good
Oh and just to note, I find muscled (NOT TOO MUSCLED) athletic women very attractive.
"Well firstly I think that if anyone judges a woman on physical appearances they are already on a disastrous track in regards to relationship stability in life."
...I hope you realize you basically just addressed every other
furryperson out there right? Not to stereotype but...well I'll be blunt, people are superficial! It's human nature, even if it's not intentional, we judge people based on their looks! Not to dig too deep into this, but it deal with our genetics and seeking out an ideal partner(s) based on how fertile or virile they looked. Now that was AGES ago and thankfully most of us *glares around* okay, some of us have evolved beyond that mentality but the fact remains, what do most people notice when meeting someone new? How they look: you remember what they wore, how their face and eyes looked, their smile and their overall appearance. And before they even utter one word, you're probably going to judge them.Thankfully, with advances in society now (hello internet), it is now possible to judge someone purely on their words and actions rather than their appearance- that can be a good or bad thing based on your perspective. Personally, I think a person's personality says ALOT about them...but people can lie and hide who they are regardless, in person or online so who's to say that's the best way to judge a person? But I digress; getting way off topic here-
Girls with toned, athletic bodies are awesome! As I said above, while I don't care much for girls that have huge muscles...there's nothing wrong with having a little tone on your body, male or female. Come to think of it, I can't even stand guys that are muscle bound*shakes head* I mean yay for being in good shape and taking care of your body but sheesh, can you imagine hugging someone that's pure muscle- afraid they might bearhug me to death, lol. I guess I just prefer people to have an "average" build- my definition of average being one that is healthy enough to work out and take care of his/herself but still knows how to relax and pig out on pizza with me as well...
Hm... She has a very attractive body, but not what I'd typically go for in the face (not to say she looks bad in the slightest, quite the opposite!). Big boobs and big butt? Heck, I don't find either of those particularly attractive! Incredibly biased comments! XD
That one female comment cracked me up though! "Yep, most women have like 10 minutes to focus on fitness." - Well... Spend 60 fucking less minutes powdering your damn face in the mirror, perhaps? XDD
Concentrate on eating right? Lol, shouldn't we all be doing that to a reasonable extent, naturally, without having to "concentrate".
Yeah that would be great but unfortunately with all the "conveniences" nowadays of fast food, super sized meals, food full of who knows what kinda chemicals and additives? People don't really take the time to do that anymore. And let's face it, most health food seems to cost MORE than junk food? (anyone else notice that or is it just me?) So while most of us would love to do that, it's not always feasible for whatever reason. Hell, I'll admit I eat take out every now and then- mostly when it's the weekend and I don't feel like cooking on a friday night; a treat to myself if you will. But guess what? I watch what I eat as well- like I'll go home and bake my own fries in the oven, only eat some of the bun instead of all of it from my burger- that little stuff does add up! or at least I think so. Nowadays when I eat any meal, I try to watch what I eat so I don't overdo it; I worked too hard to lose all this weight just to gain it back over an extra order of fries or something that's just going to wind up digested anyway...
"Spend 60 fucking less minutes powdering your damn face in the mirror, perhaps?"
LOL, best comment of the night! I don't wear makeup at all and you know what? It feels great. In the mornings, I wake up, throw on my workout clothes (an old shirt or tank and some shorts), and either hop on my treadmill or run outside. I come back in, shower up before work, get dressed...and I kid you not, I get dressed in like 10 minutes or less, and I'm out the door! No makeup to slow me down or try to put any on to impress anyone. But yeah, I've heard every excuse in the book as to why a person can't work out and I used to fall into that category until I made myself do something about it *shrugs* If you want to change your body or looks bad enough, you make the time, simple as that. Hell, I'm waking up at 5 in the morning to work out sometimes! And my body wakes up on its own; no alarm clock needed because it's used to it now.
...and to this day, I still don't get why guys like big boobs and butts. Because guess what? When the woman gets older, they're just going to sag and be out of shape and then what do they have? lumps of fat (no seriously, that's all boobs are, fat tissue, lol)
Lecturer: "Breasts are modified sweat glands-"
Me: Omg... This class ruins everything! ;^;
Yeah it's crazy, I mean in the time it took that woman to think up an
excusecomment, and then type it out, she could've spent a few minutes on the treadmill? People just can't be fucked, that's all it is really.*took 2 years of human anatomy and physiology*
LOL, hell even 5-10 minutes on a treadmill is better than nothing. Some people just like making up excuses and wonder why they're the way they are. Sometimes I really wonder how people who make those kinda comments look in real life
What... >.> Animals don't judge based on looks. Just a human thing =P (not all humans of coarse, but looking at the percentages of the amount of people that think like that is higher then any other living thing on earth)
So basically they're just as bad as most humans because they choose their mates purely on looks, don't they? And let's not forget about wolves- they've been known to -kill- other wolves that look or smell different from the others in the pack.
...yeah I'm just being a smartass, sorry, lol. But some species of animals do judge based upon appearance; it's just not predominant among all of them, mostly primates (ie- humans)
Attractiveness is such a personal thing and exists on so many levels that it's incredibly hard to quantify it. Those who believe that it can be quantified and present their viewpoint as the only true one are deluded, narrowminded arsebiscuits who have their head so far up popular culture's hind end they wouldn't know inner beauty and a kind heart if it pulled them out of that hole and slapped them. And, yes, this is a tired rant that doesn't make much sense. :P
Gah, that, specifically that last part! You hit the nail on the head. I'm not fully awake yet so excuse -my- rambling, but basically some twits in the media: from magazines, clothes market, music, etc. Pick out people and things they want us (the consumer or viewer) to be exposed to and make it so appealing, we want to be that way or follow it, even if it's not ideal. I see all kinds of articles about teenagers want to have breast enhancement surgery, makeovers, and fat reduction surgery because why? They want to be liked by their peers or feel more attractive...and why is that? Because the media and society have set these high standards for how people -should- look. Which is...well pathetic, that people are so easily influenced by what you see. But that's society for ya; we like to jump on bandwagons and go with what others think is good or popular- not thinking of the repercussions of doing so.
"Attractiveness is such a personal thing and exists on so many levels that it's incredibly hard to quantify it." Indeed. What's attractive to one person may vary with the next, which is why I do respect others and their right to pick whom they consider attractive. I don't respect those that think attractiveness can only be quantified by physical traits only. But...meh. I don't see things changing anytime soon; all we can do is watch the divorce and infidelity rate creep up everyday as people get bored of their partners they claimed they loved "so much" only to get bored of them when they realize their love was nothing more than superficial lust and desires~
...also, hi! Haven't heard from you in a while, hope you're well
Added a TL;DR because I still can't be succinct when sharing complicated ideas.
On the subject of the writer composing the article centering around her visual aesthetics..I'm not so sure I'm down with that, but even I can enjoy objectifying what I consider to be attractive people sometimes, so, sure, let's go with it. I like that he's praising her for being what she wants to be and being confident about it! In her case, that means fit enough to win fights, which is a necessity of her career choice, but still, confidence-centered, person-centered objective approval of someone's appearance? A+.
I wouldn't expect too much from comments on articles like these. They tend to be filled with self-important assholes who don't live up to their own standards, aka the classical example of a man who is out of shape and overweight but wants a woman who looks like a super-model and conversely a woman who's overweight and out of shape but wants an Olympic athlete for a boyfriend.
Oh, and that little back and forth between her and Arianny Celeste? I'm fine with it. Hell, I even support it. The whole idea that women need to just support each and other and pat each other on the back is utter bullshit. That's the whole reason women have such wide-spread self-confidence issues in the first place. We need to stop relying on others for our self-esteem. Women are all people just like men are all people and sometimes people just don't get along. I dare say we wouldn't be where we are today as the human race were it not for the conflict of ideas and viewpoints. Or does that make too much sense?
That all said, the general example she's set would be a great one for everyone to follow, man or woman. Do what makes you happy, do what you enjoy, feel confident in yourself, because you approve of who you are.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As to most of today's women being out of shape and/or physically weak? It's encouraged. By the media, by their PARENTS, and by our PEERS. Women should rely on men to protect them. That's what both sides were, are, and will be taught. Women are delicate things to protect and men are strong defenders who protect them. I have two problems with this:
1: It reduces women to the status of a "thing", dis-empowers them utterly, and leaves them dangerously ill-equipped to defend themselves in anything other than a battle of wits. Assuming they can break past the "don't be smarter than a man, it's not attractive" bullshit that still gets thrown around. The only person you can truly rely on is yourself. This is not anime, this is not a movie, this is not a book. This is real life, and heroes do not always come in to save you when you need them. You should be able to take care of yourself in an altercation, let alone in daily life. That includes carrying your groceries to your car and into your house, maybe up two flights of stairs.
2: It reduces men to a single role, strips them of their sense of choice and power, and pressures them to be one particular thing. Strips them of their emotions. Tells them they aren't allowed any sense of vulnerability, nor should they show it if they fail at disallowing themselves to be that way. Want to know why most men seem to be assholes? Stop telling them to stop being human beings. Let them be themselves. This goes for men and women. If you want to be one way and someone else doesn't, it doesn't make them less of a man.
Men AND women should be able to take care of themselves, but if a man doesn't want to be Adonis and a woman doesn't want to be Aphrodite, that shouldn't be cause for criticism. Seriously. I'm tired of seeing that shit on both sides. A man is not defined by his strength alone, nor a woman by her beauty alone. Does it matter? Yes. It does. But WHO a person is matters far more.
Goddamn this is long. I should just make a journal... Oh, and maybe we should shake hands some day, Whisper, since I care far more about personality than looks. :P
TL;DR: Gender conformity and stereotypes limit all of us, men and women. Stop pressuring people to be what you find ideal and be that yourself. Find people who are similar to you. You should be able to take care of yourself, and defend yourself. You should be in shape for your health first, and your appearance second. If you have to reverse them just to get it done, then fine, but it comes back to being healthy. You'll feel better about yourself and you'll be confident and proud of yourself. And you'll find success for it.
"Women need to see, hell EVERYONE, needs to see you don't have to be what other people tell you to if you don't want to."
...this needs to be posted on every other media site and in magazines, even as a disclaimer, especially for females to see! Nowadays, everyone's so considered with trying to be like others, how to be popular and liked- basically, blindly jumping on bandwagons not thinking of the consequences or...gee, I don't know, trying to be YOURSELF! I can say from personal experience that most guys that come across me are intimidated of me (and will tell me that in my face) because they're not used to talking, much less being around an independent woman that doesn't put up with bs. And that...really bothers me actually. So apparently women are supposed to be submissive, feminine, "look pretty," and nod their heads instead of having a mind of their own and doing what makes them happy? Excuse me, I thought this was the 21st century, not the 1950s. But I'm getting off track (as per usual).
I think I'm just irked at the fact that even though Ronda has made such a name for herself, and proven that she is a strong woman, men only judge her for...you guessed it, her looks. People are not looking at her titles she's won, her background and how she worked to get there. No, all they think about it, "Would I date/sleep with a woman like that..?" I'm sorry but to be that says our society is still stuck in the Stone Ages, at least its mentality. Mind you, yes, women are just as bad- I won't defend them either! but I'm gonna address this from a female's perspective since it seems we (as a gender) suffer the blunt of men's ignorance
"I wouldn't expect too much from comments on articles like these. They tend to be filled with self-important assholes who don't live up to their own standards, aka the classical example of a man who is out of shape and overweight but wants a woman who looks like a super-model and conversely a woman who's overweight and out of shape but wants an Olympic athlete for a boyfriend"
...I actually laughed reading that because it's so true! LOL. It seems like the main ones criticizing others and setting unrealistic standards for someone he/she wants to date are overweight, or, for a lack of better words, douches, that go around judging others for their "faults." Now I'll admit, when I see a guy that's 300lbs with a girlfriend or wife that looks like a model? Part of me wants to say, "Good for them, not judging based on looks and actually going by personality and love!"
...yet the cynical side of me wants to know "What the hell did he do or say to her that she's with him?!" I know, that sounds awful but it does make you wonder in a society where people hardly want to be friends with you unless you look a certain way, how it's possible to find a decent relationship where people actually judge you on your personality and not just looks. And dang it, let me shake your hand one day because that's awesome! Hell yeah, another female that actually goes by personality and not just looks. Not to divulge too deeply into my past on here (not that anyone reads this anyway) but I can say this much- just about every guy in my past that I dated or had a crush on? I fell for their personality first and -then- their looks. There were times I fell for a guy before I even saw how he looked *laughs* Now THAT is true feelings for someone. That's why when I'm talking to someone online and they're so eager to exchange pictures, I merely ask, "What's the rush?" and they seem almost taken aback that I don't care about how they look off the back. I mean if you truly like someone- friend, relationship, whatever...why the hell should looks even matter?
"As to most of today's women being out of shape and/or physically weak? It's encouraged. By the media, by their PARENTS, and by our PEERS. Women should rely on men to protect them. That's what both sides were, are, and will be taught. Women are delicate things to protect and men are strong defenders who protect them."
...
Damn that's...actually a good point; I never thought of that. I always used to laugh at television shows when I saw a woman struggling to open up a jar and she had to have the husband open it, or she was scared of a mouse and stood in a chair while the man killed it for her. Or how you'd see a girl or her group of friends trying to make the girl look "meek and helpless" with some ploy to get a guy she liked to get his attention? Hmm. Thankfully, I'm seeing less and less of that nowadays but you make a valid point- I remember seeing shows, like old shows on tv where the mothers used to encourage their daughters to make the guy feel "useful" and let him do some stuff for her to show she was interested in him (read: basically stroke said guy's fragile ass ego to make him feel masculine). I have NEVER did that for a guy! My mom raised me never to rely on a man and I'm glad she did because if I did, I'd be butthurt and probably like half of the other dependent females out there that think they "need" a man or partner to be happy.
...and that's another thing I can't stand (yeah, I'm getting off track here but it needs to be said). I cannot stand people that claim they NEED a partner/mate/relationship to be happy- that is bull! There, I said it and I'll probably be shunned by 90 percent of the twits on this site but it's the truth. You don't need another person in your life to survive; that is a want, just like sex- while it's nice to have it IS possible to live and thrive without it. Not sure if you're familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs but it's basically a theory in psychology proposed by Abraham Maslow where he measures what we, as humans need to thrive. Now I will disagree with him on one point: he says that sex is a physiological need we require *snorts* Typical male but anyway!
It is a necessity to feel loved and wanted- without that, our self-esteem, confidence, and morale start to diminish
Okay I got way off topic here but I just want to say you bought up some great points! Definitely enjoyed reading...and replying to this
I do wonder sometimes if the spirit of freedom and independence I so proudly define myself by at times doesn't often intimidate people because it seems close-minded. I imagine it's the same for others in the sense that to a lot of people, that...might make me seem a little un-relatable. Maybe there's a way we can come across without seeming so...intimidating? *snickers*
I haven't looked too much into comments on Ronda, but if the ones you've mentioned and that article are anything to go by, it is rather depressing. If you're pretty, you're judged only by your looks. If you're average or less-than but successful, you're judged on your merits but your looks are still a sidenote. A lot of women I talk to don't seem to suffer from the same sorts of viewpoints towards men, and where women will comment on another's beauty as a cherry on top of all their achievements, they'll also comment on it as a way to bring them down if they're not aesthetically pleasing. I've never seen guys do this with other men, but maybe it happens? Would love to get a guy's opinion here. Humans are such visual creatures, I can't imagine it doesn't play some small part, at least where jealousy is involved. We all have our ideals, y'know?
Those sorts of people exist. I know a few myself, and they tend to make for great friends since they can hold a conversation for more than an hour on a number of topics. It's nice, and meeting these sorts of people is the reason I keep socializing. I imagine that same search for people who push you is the reason Ronda, and other successful people like her, pushed herself so much in her career. Self-motivation only from within is very hard to sustain. Or at least, when there's more than just that, it shows in what people can achieve, both for themselves and for others.
I think we all have self-confidence issues at one time or another. Part of it is society telling us to live up to certain things, part of it is that humans, I think, socially at least, are not innately confident. Ever notice how people's confidence goes up in a group, particularly a group of people they mutually enjoy the company of? Yet these same people are the ones they don't want to look foolish in front of, which is why you have the sitcom ploys of girls helping their friend get a guy's attention. I think it sorta comes down to what you said here:
"It is a necessity to feel loved and wanted- without that, our self-esteem, confidence, and morale start to diminish"
It's for that same reason that we seek out partners. It's a sort of bond that no other person really gives us, especially nowadays with all the homophobia going around. You can't even say you love a friend without being called out for it unless you say it in a certain way that's taken to be meant less seriously. Even those who aren't really looking for partners at any given point in their lives still want to be able to know people they have things in common with. :P
My apologies for taking so long to respond to this. It's been a rough week or so, and I enjoyed reading and replying.:)