Well I've looked up ^ ^ ^ ^ and found out I'm not the only one out there with this fear, but I never truly had a fear of growing up since I was a child. In fact I always looked forward to it! Even when I went to a completely different state to get my first job and I still didn't have this feeling, sure I was nervous of uncertainties and such, but I felt proud of my self for stepping out into the world from my parent's homely shack in the California desert to a farmland in south west Idaho with my best friend. I did cry within the first week of working there because of feeling like a fish out of water and what the onion bags did to my hands, I have scars from it! Once I bought some gloves it was fairly easy from there on, except the red onion bags FFFFFFFFFFF. We did mostly 50lb bags, but once the red onions came in we would switch to 25lb bags at the same speed! We paid our rent, we bought our groceries and anything else. We were responsible, but I did have a case of depression, but that was because of the weather during winter there. Clouds constantly and the only thing that kept me from Choking A Motherfucker was milk or "steamers." After we did 7 months of that job we came back to Cali since we missed it and the job was seasonal anyways, we looked for jobs again and nothing came up for about two years until now. In my past journal I mentioned one of my close uncles past away, it was on February 15, 2014. Just a couple of weeks prior to that me and my best friend went down to Whittier where my uncle was located and help him with one of his vans. We stayed for three days and did all we could and said our goodbyes and then the next thing we know he's dead in his van. We went to the funeral and expressed our love and memories of him and said our last goodbyes. I can still hear him to this very day as if he was right next to me. I still remember one time he said to both me and my mom that when he's gone, we'll miss him and GOD DAMN IT HE WAS RIGHT!!! I miss him more than ever because of how close we were. Then I just looked over my schedule and for some reason it makes me want to cry, why? That is something I'm still not quite sure of, is it the fact that my life now revolves around this weekly schedule or something else? Either way I will have to find out for myself.

Thank you for your time, sincerely Dillon.